Big brother


Just when you think you are in a happy place…

that your emotions are under control…

that infertility doesn’t have a hold on you right now…

It happens.

Best brother ever” written on a toddler’s t-shirt.

An innocent gesture meant to celebrate their joy.

My nephew is about to become a big brother. My SIL is due in July with Baby #2. They conceived on a trip to Barbados. It was their first month trying again. Because for fertiles, it’s THAT easy. 

I have my joy. I have my miracle boy.


Will Wyatt ever get to be a big brother?

I don’t know what the road ahead looks like. I don’t even when I’ll be ready to entertain which route to take.

My wounded heart longs to (one day) give him a sibling, but opening myself back up to the trials and tribulations of infertility is fucking frightening.




11 thoughts on “Big brother

  1. Sending you so much love my friend. These announcements are so hard, both as we remember what it’s taken to bring our children into our lives and as we think about our futures. I’m sorry you have to experience this, but know your response to this is exactly like mine. You are not alone.


  2. I totally understand what you are going through. We have opened up for baby #2 and after seeing a second line the other day, followed by blank test after blank test, I feel like I’ve fallen right back into the way I did when we were trying to conceive Luke. It’s heart breaking when so many people are able to conceive easily and here you are moving from month to month seemingly not any closer to another baby. It will happen for you when you’re ready.


  3. Pingback: The next child debate | Awaiting Autumn

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