And some things stay the same… 

I still frequently go to acupuncture. My acupuncturist is an amazing woman who has helped me on so many levels beyond just fertility. 

Today at my appointment, I told her that I’ve just been exhausted lately. I attributed it to staying up past midnight for a week straight, being the Mom of a one year old, running my own business, the change in seasons and you know, the full moon. 

She asked if there was a possibility I could be pregnant. 

I told her there was a chance –  isn’t there always when you aren’t using birth control? – but it was like a 0.01% chance.

 My gut said not pregnant. 

Well… 

Curiosity always gets the best of me. 

I dug around in the bathroom cupboard and found an ultra sensitive pregnancy test. You know one of ones from my ectopic days that literally detect anything. It was even expired. 

I peed on it anyway. 

Do you get where this is going? 

I ain’t no magical unicorn. I’m just a regular (in)fertile woman who can’t resist the urge to POAS. 

I still don’t have my period one year postpartum due to breastfeeding. I clearly need to get to bed earlier and listen to my gut. 

Whomp. Whomp. Whomp. 

Hi single red line! I didn’t miss you, you little bitch. 

Film & Photography Project: This is Miscarriage

This morning, my Dad called. He mentioned how it was my Uncle’s birthday.

I asked if he remembered what else today was. He claimed he couldn’t remember.

It was awkward until he finally caved and said,

I know this is the day you lost the baby. I didn’t want to bring it up and upset you.

 I told him that it NEVER upsets me to hear you mention my baby. It is a blessing to know that you remember her too.

And that is WHY I am so vocal about my loss.

My own family can’t even get how to deal with it. 

Two years ago today, we lost our first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. ❤

My life will never be the same. There’s a ache and a longing in my heart, but I’ve transformed through my grief. I’ve found my voice and I’m passionate about helping other women through their struggle.

 This month, I am a part of a local film project called, “This is Miscarriage.” It’s based on a poem written by a woman named Laura after her 3rd loss. It features the stories of 10 women – including myself – who experienced pregnancy loss.

Even though each of our stories is unique, the emotions we’ve felt along the way are common.  There is a sense of understanding and compassion that is so strong among bereaved Mothers.

I’m proud to join hands within the baby loss community. These women are some of the the strongest I’ve ever met.

miscarriage-project-poster-2

Stay tuned… I’ll share the video once it goes live!