Combatting nausea and realizing fears

I finally got my Zofran refilled by my GP. Seeing her was a bit ironic as my OB is her Dad! She was super excited for us though. She gave me a 1 year refill (knowing I won’t need that much) and also one for Ranitidine (Zantac) to curb my heartburn. If you have the prescription, you can get it covered by your benefits instead of buying it over the counter.

So far, I’m feeling much better. I tried to skip my night time dose last night, but that proved to be a wrong decision. Things seem to work well if I take 1 pill at night and 1 pill at noon. I’ve realized that I need to stop being so stubborn and take the damn meds. I need some quality of life during this pregnancy. Self-care is important and in this case, taking the meds is caring for myself. This whole medicated versus natural debate keeps coming up in my life though.

In two weeks, my husband and I are starting hypnobirthing classes. I’ve always desired to have a natural birth. Although, I am open to an alternate birth plan if complications arise.

Last night, I had a bath and began to read the Hypnobirthing manual. A few chapters in, I realized that I have SO MUCH FEAR around medical intervention during birth. I have heard many stories lately about full episiotomies, vaccums, foreceps, etc. It almost seems more traumatizing when they intervene while a mother is trying to have a vaginal birth versus simply wheeling you in for a c-section.

I find this fear to be ironic as clearly medical intervention has been a good thing for us. Without it, we would not have conceived our children. As a mother who has experienced pregnancy loss, medical intervention also eases my worries. Every ultrasound and OB appointment gives me validation that my baby is ok.

Still, I long for some control on this journey. I desire one thing to go as I planned… Perhaps that’s the issue? Do I need to let go of ALL need to control?

Either way, I don’t have the answer. I hope to work through it and get to the root cause as we prepare for baby’s arrival.

I’m officially 16 weeks today. 🙂 ❤

13 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 13 weeks and 5 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Zofran (3 pills daily)

Honestly, I can barely get my prenatals down these days. They are making me nauseous but it isn’t so bad if I take them with food. I had to increase my Zofran from 1 pill a day to 2 pills a day to the max 3 pills a day. 😦

Baby is the size of: a kiwi

Best Moment This Week: Meeting my 7 week old nephew, smelling that newborn smell and knowing that I get “one of my own” in 6 months.

Total Weight Gain: +5 lbs – did not weight myself this week.

Maternity Clothes: Maxi skirts, leggings and sweat pants are my best friends. I have ANOTHER business trip this week. Will be a challenge to find semi-dressy outfits that I can fit into from my own closet (my goal is to NOT buy a bunch of maternity clothes I won’t wear on a regular basis).

Symptoms:  NAUSEA! Ughhhhhhhhh. Flying did me in. On Friday, I puked on my one layover and then again once I arrived at my sister’s house. I’ve also realized that I can’t handle the smell of meat cooking or coffee (cue major puking episode). I don’t puke excessively, but I do puke at least 1-2 times a day. I also puked after I landed yesterday and remained nauseous for the rest of the day. I upped my Zofran to 3x a day, but I’m still struggling. It always seems like the “miracle drugs” work perfectly for a few days. Then, my system gets too used to them and the nausea comes back.

Sleep: Oh I missed my snoogle! Still having crazy dreams and getting up to pee throughout the night.

Food Cravings: Kraft dinner, bagels and cream cheese, strawberries

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Brushing my teeth, driving, flying, smell of meat cooking, smell of coffee,

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump: I’ve decided to call my bump “THE BLUMP” until this B belly decides to round out.

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Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Combo of both.

Purchases for baby: Nothing this week, but I did start on a baby registry (which is more my own personal shopping list).

Miss Anything?: Enjoying a meal, sleeping in my own bed (I only get 2 nights home out of 7 this week), salad, having nicely done hair – I’m just too damn lazy/nauseous to blow dry it these days.

Looking forward to: IF Whenever this dreaded nausea subsides! Our anatomy/gender scan on May 28. ❤

12 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 12 weeks and 4 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Diclectin (4 pills daily)

Baby is the size of: an apricot or a plum

Best Moment This Week: Seeing our baby bounce on the screen during our 12 week ultrasound

Total Weight Gain: +5 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Still in between sizes. I’ve been living in sweat pants, leggings and maxi skirts.

Symptoms:  NAUSEA! Ughhhhhhhhh. I’m hope that I’m in that transitional “worse before it gets better” phase because the past 4 days have been horrible. I struggled with puking all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I wasn’t able to keep anything down yesterday. Easter supper does not taste as good coming back up as it did going down. I manage the nausea better if I eat more frequent, yet smaller meals. Driving = especially in my husband’s truck – does me in. I’ve started carrying a puke bowl with me.

The persistent sickness has made me not so worried about my bleed from Thursday night. I am still going to try to get in to see my OB before my scheduled appointment on Thursday if possible.

My rant of the week would be non-prego/non-infertile advice about pregnancy nausea. I really don’t want to hear “did you try this or this?” from people who have never experienced it. I also don’t like people telling me “oh well it will all be worth it in the end“. I get that. I know it will all be worth it, but it’s hard not to be grumpy when you can barely stomach soda crackers. /endrant

That being said: I welcome all advice from anyone who has experienced this before me! Rumour has it, you can increase your Diclectin dosage with Doctor permission? Is this true?

Sleep: I have more energy since stopping my progesterone. I can still sleep for 10-12 hours a night though. Still having the crazy dreams. I’ve also been using the Snoogle pillow consistently this week.

Food Cravings: Strawberries, pumpkin pie, plain chips, ice water, Mini Wheats,

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Chicken, vegetables, brushing my teeth, driving,

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump: Still barely there but continuously getting harder.  

Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Moody. Being sick does not equal a happy Lindsey.

Purchases for baby: Nothing this week.

Miss Anything?: Enjoying a meal, cuddling (as the Snoogle gets in the way)

Looking forward to: My doctor’s appointment on Thursday and whenever this dreaded nausea subsides!

11 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 11 weeks and 4 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Diclectin (4 pills daily)

NO MORE HORMONES! I finished by PIO, Prometrium and Estrace last week. It feels like I cut my pill intake in half.

Baby is the size of: a brussel sprout or a fig

Best Moment This Week: Receiving our copy of You are the Mother of All Mothers with our Angel baby’s name on the tribute page ❤
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Total Weight Gain: +5 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Today I’ve got a maxi skirt and a longer maternity tank top on. Still in between sizes.

Symptoms:  The sore boobs and nausea remain consistent. I have to take the full dose of Diclectin to curb the nausea and even then, I still puke. I seem to have a bit more energy during the day which I’m attributing to the lack of additional progesterone.

Sleep: Still having crazy dreams. Trying to get a nap in over lunch hour. Struggling to make it past 9pm most nights. Found having a 2 hour nap on the weekends allows me to stay up later.

Food Cravings: Carbs, bread…

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Meat – especially chicken – and vegetables. I’ve puked the past couple of times I attempted to eat chicken and veggies.

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump: Barely there but continuously getting harder. I’ve got the B bump going on (which thanks to Mr. Google I learned is an actual thing for us curvy Mommas). I typically have a double roll tummy, but the baby bloat is making it protrude much more than usual. I’m hoping as baby grows it will even out a bit. Ignore the wavy hair and no make-up… it’s Monday and I work from home… 🙂  

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Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Moody.. and occasionally HANGRY.

Purchases for baby: I ordered a rainbow baby maternity t-shirt and onesie. They arrived this week. I also got a very thoughtful gift from my fertility coach. She sent a yoga book for me and this super cute book for Baby – baby’s 1st official gift. 🙂

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Miss Anything?: HOT baths, vegetables, dream-less nights, not having random hot flashes

Looking forward to: Our 12 week ultrasound on Thursday! I’m so pumped to see how much the gummy bear has grown.

Recognizing when fear creeps back in

My business trip went well this week. The Diclectin kicked in and I thought, “Gee, I’m really starting to feel better! I should reduce my dosage…

Well, let’s just say, I don’t recommend reducing your Diclectin dosage UNLESS you are prepared for the nausea/dry heaving/puking to return. 😦

I battled through yesterday, but am happy to say I did not puke on my flight home.

I will admit that the subsiding symptoms (whether drug induced or not) were bringing up my fearful Momma vibes. My boobs were less sore, my nausea was gone… was my baby ok?

The return of the dreaded nausea has confirmed that everything is more than likely on track, but I’m feeling like I need a confidence boost.

My 12 week nuchal translucency ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday, April 2nd (cue the WHOHOO!).

In the meantime, I’ve decided to register for Molly Nichol‘s upcoming FREE online workshop: How to Prepare Yourself for Pregnancy after Infertility.

During this event, Molly will explain how you can reduce the amount of fear and anxiety you experience once you become pregnant after infertility.

I may be a Courageous Momma growing her rainbow baby, but I know I don’t have all the answers. I hope to learn a thing or two from Molly’s upcoming session and tame that fear once again.

Baby’s first trip & a few other milestones

We’ve reached/are reaching a few milestones this week.

1. I’m done my PIO ass shots! I swear when you first start out this day seems like it will never come. Once you get to the end of the road, it becomes so routine that each poke barely phases you.  Either way,  I’m so grateful to be done. 

2. Baby is joining Momma on his first plane ride! I’m off to my head office for a business trip this week.  I’ve taken my Diclectin and bought a bottle of Ginger Ale.  My goal is to make it through the day (at least until 4pm), eat supper and go to bed at some obscenely early time.

3. During this trip,  I plan on telling my boss and my team about my pregnancy. I’m almost 11 weeks which may seem early to some, but I probably won’t be back in town for another month. I’d rather be honest now as we are about to embark on a major project.  I’d prefer if my boss is aware of when I’ll be available, so I can help plan my contribution upon until my leave.

That’s it for now! Wish me luck! I’m not sure how I will make it through the day without a nap. 🙂

10 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 10 weeks and 4 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Estrace 400 mg, Prometrium 200mg, PIO 1ml, Diclectin (3 pills daily)

The countdown is on: tonight is my FINAL ass shot!  I’ll continue my Estrace and Prometrium for another 3 days .

Baby is the size of: a kumquat or a date

Best Moment This Week: No more puking + first orgasm since before transfer. Yes, we held out for a LONG time. I’m happy to say I had no scares following the magical moment.

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t weighed myself this week.

Maternity Clothes: Last week, I used my Bella Band Basic with my regular jeans undone. It worked really well! Except on the 2nd day, I found the band was trying to roll up a bit. Just takes a bit of adjusting each time you stand up from sitting. Other than that, I’m still wearing regular clothes. I did purchase 2 maternity dresses for summer and a cute “Due in October” tank top.

Symptoms: Same as last week: Tired, sore nipples (the boob soreness has subsided a bit), NAUSEA! Last week was by far, my worst week for nausea. After not being able to keep anything down Wed-Thursday, I caved and got a prescription for Diclectin. I’m flying out for a business trip tomorrow and I did not want to be puking the entire time I am away. Let’s just say Diclectin and I are now friends. It totally eases my nausea until it’s almost time to take another pill, then I get the dry heaves again. I’ve been taking 1 pill in the morning, at noon and at bedtime.

Sleep: I’ve been sleeping INSANE amounts! The Diclectin really turned me into a zombie the first 24 hours I was on it. I slept for over 12 hours the first night and had a few naps the next day. Since then, the drowsiness is wearing off. I’ve also been having INSANE dreams. Do these continue the whole pregnancy?

Food Cravings: Cherry danishes, cheese croissants… still on the carb kick.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Brushing my teeth, chicken, smell of urine in a public bathroom

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump: Barely there but continuously getting harder.

Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Diclectin zombie = moody

Purchases for baby: Nothing – surprise again!

Miss Anything?: Having energy. vegetables.

Looking forward to: Our 12 week ultrasound… date STILL to be determined.

9 week bumpdate

I feel like I’ve been a really shitty blogger lately. I’m lucky if I post 2-3 updates a week. My goal for the 2nd trimester (when supposedly people get more energy) is to post more regularly again. I struggle because I usually write at night, but nights are reserved for sleeping now. Will have to switch up my routine and find a new schedule that works with my pregnancy. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me and is still following. 🙂

How Far Along: 9 weeks and 6 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Estrace 400 mg, Prometrium 200mg, PIO 1ml, Anti-Nausea pill (1-3 daily)

The countdown is on: only 6 more days of ass shots! My clinic agreed to let me stop them 2 days early as I’m heading on a business trip. I have 8 more days of Estrace and Prometrium.

Baby is the size of: a wild strawberry or a grape!

Best Moment This Week: My godson’s baptism. I know this is totally unrelated to my pregnancy, but it was a fabulous day.

Total Weight Gain: Approximately 4 lbs. The carbs are killing meeeeeeeee. I’ve been making an effort to eat healthier this week.

Maternity Clothes: I’ve been wearing lots of leggings these days. I’ve also determined have the WORST body for maternity clothes. I attempted to wear a pair of maternity jeans last week. They are super low rise compared to what I’m use it. I also am VERY short-waisted,  so they seem to sit funny on me. They kept falling down and weren’t overly comfortable. I barely have any baby bump to keep them up. I hope I grow into them or else I’ll be wearing maxi skirts all summer.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Sleep: The same as last week: Lots of crazy dreams, peeing at least once a night.

Symptoms: Tired, sore nipples (the boob soreness has subsided a bit), NAUSEA! My sickness is still persistent in the mornings and in the evenings. I’m learning to manage it better now with more frequent and smaller meals. I don’t get out of bed until I’ve eaten a few crackers. I’ve also noticed a tiny bit of brown tinged discharge occasionally. It’s happened maybe 2-3 times. I’m not letting this one freak me out!

Food Cravings: Carbs. Just carbs. And fruit. (same as last week) Boston cream donuts from Tim Horton’s  – that one was random.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  I couldn’t finish my chicken one night. Usually chicken doesn’t bother me though.

Movement: Too early.

Baby Bump: Barely there but continuously getting harder.

Gender Prediction: BOY! Although… I dreamed I was buying baby girl stuff last night?!??!????

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Happy some days, tired and moody others. Getting enough sleep definitely helps the mood.

Purchases for baby: Nothing this week! Shocking – I know! 

Miss Anything?: Having energy.

Looking forward to: Our 12 week ultrasound. Date still to be determined. My OB got a new receptionist. I just called to remind her to schedule it.

Battling the first trimester nausea

It still feels surreal that I’m 9 weeks, 1 day pregnant. I’m not sure when everything will sink in deeper. Perhaps once I’m out of the first trimester and feeling better?

I’ve been feeling shitty, really shitty.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs: “Seriously?!!?! This is what the first trimester is about?!?!

After all we’ve been through, anyone who did fertility treatments or struggled with loss should get a free pass for a smooth and sick-free first trimester. As women, we truly go through a lot to bring our children into this world.

I have mad respect for any woman who is pregnant while raising other children, or pregnant as a teacher, or a nurse, or any other job that requires activity throughout the day. These women have stamina like no other. To the women who are dealing with the severe sickness known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum: you deserve the Ultimate Mother Award.

I just work my office job and go home exhausted every night.

I wake up nauseous. I stay nauseous. I go to sleep nauseous.

I dry heave, but I’ve only puked twice. That ain’t so bad.

I’m also damn stubborn, so I refuse to take Diclectin. I bought the Platinum Prenatal Anti-Nausea pills. They are just ginger + B6. So far, they seem to be helping. I’ve also been taking iron supplements and trying to get more protein in my diet which seems to giving me more energy during the day.

I’ve learned the first trimester is about finding a groove that works for you. Mine seems to be living off carbs, preggie pops, peppermint tea and ginger ale with an 8-9pm bedtime and an afternoon nap if I can swing it. 🙂

We had an OB appointment yesterday. He did a happy dance and sang a little song when he realized we were 9 weeks along. Seriously, his personality is why I enjoy seeing this guy. My husband and I get such a kick out of him.

I am so grateful to be 9 weeks pregnant. Each day we progress is an accomplishment. And deep down, as much as I hate being sick, I appreciate knowing that my little man is growing. Crazy (in)fertiles always look for validation! Haha

Do you have any other tips to combat the nausea? I’m doing the crackers in the morning, but they only hold me off for a bit.

Pregnant vomit

8 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 8 weeks and 5 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Folic Acid 1 mg, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Estrace 400 mg, Prometrium 200mg, PIO 1ml.

The countdown is on: only 16 more days of ass shots! I need to confirm with the clinic if I can stop my PIO 2 days earlier as I’ll be on a business trip. My RE said it should be fine if I run out a few days early, but I just need that extra validation.

Baby is the size of: a pecan

Best Moment This Week: Watching my bump continue to grow. Putting our ultrasound pic in the “Coming soon” frame.

Total Weight Gain: I haven’t weighed myself since early into the 8 weeks, but I was up 2 lbs – probably due to all the carbs. :/

Maternity Clothes: Pants are snug on really bloated days, but I’m still wearing regular (or I should say my fat day) pants. I bought 3 pairs of jeans at Thyme Maternity. I ended up finding one “on-sale” pair and 2 pairs off the sale rack. One pair cost me only $13!. I love a good deal if you haven’t caught on.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Sleep: Lots of crazy dreams. Peeing at least once a night. Missing my weekend naps really knocked me out on Monday.

Symptoms: Tired, sore boobs, NAUSEA! The nausea is fairly consistent now. It’s the worst first thing in the morning and late afternoon. I’m trying to eat smaller meals throughout the day. My friend recommended this all natural organic Ginger ale. It’s amazing! Also, a big thanks to Alicia at ladyloveandbabydust for the prego pops. They saved me on a few drives to work last week. 🙂

Food Cravings: Carbs. Just carbs. And fruit. (same as last week) And KD + hot dogs.. My best friend and I have a theory that you crave foods you ate as a kid when you are pregnant. Has anyone else noticed this?

A big thanks to everyone for the cheese info. I ended up getting my chicken + apple + brie sandwich from Earls.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing new

Movement: Too early.

Baby Bump: Barely there. I will start taking photos soon! I just feel like it’s hard to distinguish between my chubby tummy and the actual bump.

Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Tired and moody. I’ve had a few meltdowns on my husband the past two nights. I just need to put myself first and stop fighting the urge to nap. I also need to ensure I get a nap in on the weekends. We had a busy schedule this weekend and I felt it.

Purchases for baby: I went into Carters to look for a gift for my nephew and ended up buying boys 0-3 months winter clothes on sale for up to 75% off. I only spent $20 and got 6 items.

Miss Anything?: Sleeping through the night. Staying up late.

Looking forward to: Our OB appointment at 9 weeks on Thursday.