And then I broke my ankle…

Sometimes the universe smacks you with a sign you can’t ignore. Last week, Wyatt and I had lunch with a friend. I told her that I needed to slow down – to take all of life in, to not force decisions, to go with a natural flow.

The next morning, I broke my ankle.

I was on my way out the front door with the diaper bag over my left shoulder, Wyatt on my left hip and our 2 chihuahuas in their crate in my right hand. I’m not 100% sure what happened. I think the dogs shifted in their crate as I stepped off our last step onto the lawn. My left ankle gave out. I heard a loud pop and went down. The Mom in me was focused on making sure Wyatt didn’t fall. He was fine. I sat up and knew that my ankle wasn’t. I called my husband and we sat on the lawn until he got home to rescue us.

I didn’t want to be doing what I was headed out to do that day. Wyatt was supposed to spend his 2nd time at daycare while I ran the dogs to the vet. I had asked my husband to take the time off to take the dogs, but he couldn’t get it off. Isn’t it ironic that he ended up home anyway? 

It’s only a small fracture. I joke that it hurts way less than my major sprain from 4 years ago. The physical pain isn’t what’s getting to me though. It’s the guilt from not being able to 100% take care of my son.

Until I got my walking boot the next day, I had to be completely off my ankle. That first day my husband did everything for Wyatt and handed him to me when it was time to nurse. We dropped him at daycare when we went to the hospital to get the walking cast. Wyatt had an absolute meltdown when we picked him up. It was a combo of being up way earlier than he usually is and a case of missing Mom. We normally do everything together and now he has to get used to being with Dad way more.

It’s been 3 days since I broke it. I’m getting around much better today, but I’m still not stable enough to walk on the boot while holding my son. We live in a 4-level split home with 6 stairs between the main floor and the bedrooms. I’m worried about how to get Wyatt downstairs in the mornings once Mike returns to work on Tuesday (we have a holiday here in Canada tomorrow). I’m thinking it may be easiest to go down on my bum with him on my lap. Right now, it seems like it would have been much easier if he wasn’t mobile or was walking on his own. Crawling has it’s limitations.

Mom guilt is totally taking over. I wanted to enjoy the rest of my maternity leave. Now, I’m going to spend it hobbling around unable to do all of the activities that Wyatt and I had been enjoying so far this summer – swimming, spray parks and our daily walks. I’m just going to have to find a way to be more present in a slower pace. I have had friends tell me that I should have a better idea of what I can accomplish with the boot on at the one-week post injury mark.

My husband deserves a gold star. He finally gets what it’s like to have the baby full-time… except now he needs to stop bitching about it.

I miss my boy though. I mean I still get him. I’m still here. But, my husband has taken over many of my Mom duties and it’s making me sad. I can’t get to him as fast. I can’t hold him on that knee for as long. I can’t take him for a stroller walk. But, I can still make the most of it. Tonight, we sat on the floor playing together. I have a feeling this incident will encourage me to get down to Wyatt’s level and enjoy life from his perspective a bit more.


 

 

 

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How we have handled teething

As I mentioned in our 9 month update, Wyatt currently has 6 teeth. I ordered how they came in on the chart below. The 7th is not far behind and has almost broken through. It’s the one indicated by the orange star.

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When he’s teething, Wyatt shows some obvious signs – crankiness, pulling at ears, biting, chewing, clinginess – but overall, he’s been a very good teether. We’ve dealt with the bad days by giving him Camilia “teething juice” as I call it, or Hyland teething tablets. Many friends told me that the tablets work better than the drops, but I find the drops way easier as there’s no mixing involved when we are out and about. We’ve only used Infant Tylenol a few times at night.  Teethers – especially the chewellery ones – have also worked wonders for us.

After taking Wyatt for acupuncture last week, I’m 100% convinced that it’s a viable option for teething relief. We saw an Acupuncturist who specializes in Pediatrics. When kids get acupuncture, the needles don’t stay put. It’s simply a prick and done. Wyatt didn’t cry and the difference in his demeanor was almost immediate.

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4 out of 6 chompers on my smiley baby.

We’ve had such a good breastfeeding experience until the teething phase. A few weeks ago, Wyatt bit me so hard that my nipple was dripping blood. For the first time, I could relate to women who have had sore, bleeding nipples earlier in their breastfeeding journeys. A grin and bear it attitude helped me get through it until it healed up.

I still love breastfeeding, but I cringe each time he latches when I know he’s about to get another tooth. It’s a hard situation to deal with. I feel like he bites because the counter pressure gives him some relief. In that case, I don’t want to get angry at him.

Other times, I feel like he’s biting simply to be naughty (i.e. when he’s goofing around instead of going to sleep). I’ve used a stern “NO WYATT!”, but he  always bites down harder. I slowly unlatch him and he always just laughs at me. When this happens, I put the boob away until he’s calmed down or shown signs that he’s ready to try again in a gentler manner. My feelings are hurt on top of my sore nipples. It’s been the weirdest emotion of motherhood to date. You know your child doesn’t understand that they are hurting you, but they are. You question why. You wonder what motivates them. You don’t want to upset them, but you don’t know how to enforce the boundary.

Do you have any advice for the biting? How do you stop them from chomping your precious nips? I’d love to hear what worked for you.

9 month update

This month, Wyatt…

  • Has majorly found his voice. He screeches whenever he’s excited…  especially in places that are typically quiet – the bookstore, waiting rooms, etc. :/
  • Crawls faster and faster
  • Has (almost) 7 teeth – 3 top, 3 bottom with another 1 top attempting to poke through. The latest bottom tooth surprised me.
  • Had his first acupuncture appointment. Seriously, it was amazing! Wyatt reacted so well that we didn’t even realize it until after he latest tooth poked through. He was totally chilled out after his treatment.
  • Loves swimming and reading books!
  • Is learning to share when we have play dates
  • Had his first 2 hour experience at daycare while Mommy was at the dentist
  • Is still co-sleeping, breastfeeding and in cloth diapers.

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This past month, Mommy…

  • Has been walking between 2-5km per day for the past 2 weeks. I’m loving this new habit. It’s given me energy, a tan and something to look forward to each day.
  • Got out of the house for 2 Paint Nites and a long overdue pedicure and lunch with her local IVF gals
  • Is focusing on being more present and really enjoying the one-on-one time with Wyatt as my maternity leave draws closer to the end.
  • Booked another trip back to Ontario to spend a few more days at the cottage and meet our new niece
  • Turned another year older

My baby fell out of bed

I never thought I would say this but…

Wyatt fell out of bed – as in our big queen sized bed – because we are still cosleeping. :/

Now, let me preface this by saying, it sounds MUCH worse than it actually was.

My little monkey is super active. Whenever he wakes up, he flips himself onto all fours and be-lines it for the side of the bed. He’s usually searching for our cat Oliver. If I’m lucky the cat is curled up on the bed and distracts Wyatt long enough for me to get to him. Poor Kitty. We are working on the concept of gentle petting. 

Anyway…

I awoke to Wyatt making an “ugh, ugh” sound. I opened my eyes and screamed, “OMG where is the baby?!?!” My husband does not have the reaction time that I do as he mumbled and lay there half asleep not seeming concerned at all.

I looked over the side of the bed and there was my child slowly sliding towards the floor. Yes, I’m now accepting nominations for Mom of the Year. *head smack*

Since I had been anticipating this day, I had previously lined the floor on my side of the bed with a 3 high stack of pillows. Along the top of the bed had been a body pillow with another pillow on top of that. Wyatt must have rolled around and gone overboard with the pillows from the top of the bed.

He did not touch the floor. He was laying on top of a minimum of 5 pillows.

I picked him up. He snuggled into my chest and went immediately back to sleep.

See, I told you. It sounded MUCH worse than it actually was.

In fact, the worst part about the situation was that it was 5am and I couldn’t go back to sleep after running all of the worst case scenarios through my head. Anxiety is lovely – isn’t it? 

The next day I ordered a BabyHome Side Rail. It came. I assembled and installed it. It works awesome.

I WISH I had listened to my gut months ago and ordered it instead of listening to my husband who wanted to wait “just a little longer”. The irony is he is the one who insists that Wyatt stay in our bed even though he complains non-stop about having no room. The bed rail has given us what feels like 2 feet of space back! I love it!

Moral of the story: Get a bed rail. They work. They make everyone more comfortable. Mom has less worries…. except… he loves to use it to stand up now. OIE!

Almost 9 months in, I still love cosleeping. I get to sleep. I get to snuggle. I can easily feed him. I’d like to transition him to crib naps before we transition night time. He’s had 2 crib naps so far. Hopefully we can build up to more before the end of the summer.

 

 

 

 

The daycare solution

A few months ago, I wrote about my daycare dilemma. I had many options to ponder – part-time nanny, nanny share, home daycare, daycare centre – but I wasn’t sure which was the best for us.

After 3 home daycare interviews and a tour of the daycare centre that offered us a spot, I’m very happy to announce that we’ve chosen the daycare centre.

We made our decision back in June, just before we left to visit my family. We literally had 48 hours to decide after taking the tour.

Reasons we chose a daycare centre over home daycare

  • Reliability – open Mon-Fri 7am to 6pm except stat holidays
  • Flexibility – we can take our family vacation whenever we want, not based on someone else’s schedule
  • Regulated and Secure – Safety plans, log in/out sheets, communication books. I really like the process of how a daycare centre is run.
  • Experience – All staff have mandatory education levels, first aid courses, etc.
  • Kid-friendly building –  Built in 2011, it’s new and designed for kids in mind (little toilets and all!)
  • Fits our lifestyle – cloth diaper friendly, breast milk bottle friendly, flexible nap schedules. They are willing to work with us to make it work for Wyatt.
  • Long-term potential – Wyatt can stay in the centre until he reaches school-age, potentially longer depending which school he attends.

Downfalls to going with a daycare centre

  • Less personal – Wyatt will not always be taken care of by the same person, but that also means he’s adapting. On the flip side, I was worried about a day home being too personal. I mean if you have an issue with a single care provider, it becomes personal.
  • Busier atmosphere – even though Wyatt will be in the infant room, there is lots of activity going on in the centre. I found it overwhelming. I just hope my little man adjusts ok and isn’t too overstimulated. Wyatt is so curious and loves bigger kids. I’m sure this downfall will end up being a positive in the end.

The current situation

Now…here’s the biggest catch: We had to take the spot for July 1st. We are already paying for daycare even though Wyatt won’t be attending full-time until October.

This may sound crazy, but the odds of us getting another centre spot in our city before October 1st were slim to none. We figured the financial output is worth the long-term gain.

They also told me I am free to do drop-in care as I need it. Basically, we are paying for the spot and we are free to use it as we please. They are always staffed to accommodate him as if he is there full-time.  I’m going to drop him off Thursday morning for an hour while I have a dentist appointment.

I’m not going to deny it. The whole concept of dropping him at daycare is heartbreaking. I worry whenever he’s not with me or his Dad. Will they catch onto his queues? Will he be upset the whole time? 

The plan is to phase Wyatt in gradually until I return to work. The Daycare Director was awesome and very encouraging. She actually suggested the gradual transition. I plan to drop him off for appointments over July/August, and put him in 1-2 days a week in September building up to my full-time return to work.

As for my work situation, I can’t spill the beans just yet on what’s happening. I will when I am able to. I feel like the Universe has answered many of the requests I’ve put out there. Finding a daycare we are comfortable with was just the start.

 

 

8 month update

Well, this update is long overdue as we are fast approaching the 8.5 month mark.

 This month, Wyatt…

  • Is STILL in the majorly distracted phase
  • Is still co-sleeping, breastfeeding and in cloth diapers. We took disposables on our trip to Ontario and found the Seventh Generation brand worked for us.
  • Started crawling on all fours, pulling himself to standing without assistance and even climbed up a few stairs
  • Is eating like a champ
  • has 4 teeth – 2 top, 2 bottom with another 2 top attempting to poke through. Yes, he got 3 teeth in 1.5 months. 
  • Started using his “big boy” car seat. He hates it less than the bucket seat. We have the Clek Fllo.
  • Took his first plane ride to Toronto to see Grandma and Grandpa
  • Went to a Blue Jay’s game
  • Had his first swim in Lake of the Bays, Ontario
  • Spent 3 hours with a babysitter that wasn’t a relative

This past month, Mommy…

  • Has been struggling with anxiety. It’s been a month of reflection, contemplation, deciding what I want in life – all things that cause my brain to go into overdrive. Walking remains very therapeutic, along with ensuring I get some “me” time after Wyatt goes to sleep.
  • Thoroughly enjoyed our trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s cottage. It truly felt like a much needed vacation.  We even got to take our first “date” without Wyatt – a kayak ride on the lake
  • Reunited with her bestie after way too much time apart
  • Realized that the “mobility” phase – crawling, standing, walking – is much harder for me than the newborn phase. It’s forced me to refocus my attention on Wyatt and re-prioritize what really needs to get done when he’s awake.
  • Received some major career news (which I will share more about when the time is right)
  • Chose a daycare for Wyatt – again, more details to come…
  • Spent too much time away from her blog…  but I’M BACK! 🙂

Unpacking the box

My brother and his wife were blessed with a little girl yesterday! Yes, I said GIRL! They did not know what they were having prior to the delivery, but everyone assumed it was another boy. I am so excited for them. She’s so little and precious.

This morning my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks.

“What if we don’t ever get to have a girl?” 

“What if we don’t even get to have another child?” 

Infertility drains the hope from you. You remember how hard it was the first time, maybe even the second time. You dread what you may have to face to get a slight chance at another try.

You question if it’s worth it and if you are strong enough to go through it again. You get angry at your body. You wish it was easier.

Today, I felt the need to let go.

I unpacked the box of girl items I had bought for Emme. I want my niece Madelyn to have some of them. I set aside a blanket, booties, two hats, a few onesies and sleepers. While I did this, Wyatt was crawling around at my feet.  I gave him a set of pink and blue baby blocks to play with. He can have something from his sister’s box as well.

I’m beyond grateful for our son; for all my nieces and nephews. When I get upset after a new little person joins us, it is nothing personal with the family who has been blessed. I’m so happy for them.

What surfaces are the demons of infertility – my own longing, my own grief, my own fears. Sometimes they need to be tamed back. Today they needed to be felt and let free.