Today’s beta was 323.
This week we went from 193 to 291 to 323.
Not good. No doubling there.
My nurse said ideally 1 of 2 scenarios will occur:
- My body’s HCG will naturally start to decrease bringing with it a natural miscarriage
- My betas will continue to slowly rise indicating an Ectopic pregnancy
She also said I could stop my meds today or stay on them until Monday when I do my next blood draw.
Initially, I was against this concept. Why would I stop by meds if I’m not 100% positive that my baby is gone? My levels haven’t dropped. They are increasing!
I went to Mr. Google looking for that last sliver of hope. I typed in “Misdiagnosed miscarriages”, then “low and slow rising beta successful pregnancy“.
Each scenario had one common denominator: the betas may not have doubled, but they consistently rose and the increase tended to get greater in size between betas – unlike my decrease.
Lindsey – it’s time to be realistic here.
I might stop by meds tonight. My ass could use the break. My husband thinks I should stay on them until Monday.
Emotionally, I’m doing alright. I grieved quite a bit last week when we got our initial beta counts. I was positive they were too low to be viable, but somewhere along the line the universe decided to give me hope.
Misguided? Misdirected? Or just plain beautiful?
How is hope ever a bad thing?
In this case, it prolongs the inevitable.
And it’s time to face it.
My baby is not going to survive.
*cue the water works*
If you had asked me this morning, I would have told you I would have done anything and everything to prolong this pregnancy until I could go for an ultrasound. I needed that ultimate proof.
But now, I don’t want it to continue any longer than it has to if my baby isn’t going to be healthy and safe in my arms at the end of it. It’s weird to know my baby is inside me now, but that she won’t be for much longer.
What do you do when faced with a miscarriage diagnosis?
I can hardly believe I have to ask that question.