3dp5dt: pleasant distractions are appreciated

It’s so much easier to ignore my current limbo status when I’m around other people at the office or even at home with only my husband. Ensuring that my mind is constantly occupied has kept my anxiety to a minimum.

It’s when I’m alone that the obsessive symptom checking and the “what if” thoughts creep in.

“Grab a handful of your boobs again. Are they sore?” 

“Go pee and see if there’s any spotting…” 

“Am I tired from the progesterone or pregnancy tired?”

“I’m not noticing enough symptoms! What if this…didn’t work…?”

After a few minutes of obsessing, I snap out of it and remind myself of my mantra: one day at a time.

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Last cycle, I was taking an HCG trigger which gave me pregnancy symptoms and positive pee sticks right off the bat. I had implantation spotting, cramping, and ridiculously sore titties.

This time, I can’t even legitimately say I have any signs. So far, I’m only tired, have the occasional boob twinge, slightly bloated and gassy.

My husband keeps reminding me that I’m ONLY a few days past transfer.

I know people say pregnancies can be very different – especially since our last was an ectopic. I just hope that is true for me.

I’ve set a goal of holding out until 8dp5dt to pee on a stick.

5 days to go.

What advice can you offer to make it through the much anticipated 2ww?

The (em)babies are coming home!

Transfer day has come and almost gone.

I woke up this morning, did my fertility yoga and got ready for the day. Since you aren’t supposed to wear scents into an embryo transfer, I opted for my natural wavy hair (translation: pure ball of frizz). My hair straightener is no match for the refreshing sea air mixed with precipitation.

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My husband and I ready to leave for the clinic

Since it’s so cloudy on the coast, my husband joked that my rainbow socks would be the only bit of sunshine we see before we head home.

We arrived early for our appointment to pay our FET fees and stock up on much needed supplies: needles and syringes for my PIO injections. I chugged the mandatory 2 bottles of water and waited for my turn.

When he entered the room, my RE had a good laugh at my rainbow socks.

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My beautiful rainbow socks from MLACS

Then, he proceeded to sing Kermit the Frog’s Rainbow Connection as he prepared for transfer. I wasn’t familiar with this song, but now it totally resonates with me. “Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection”… We made our wish. We are ready for our rainbow baby – or maybe two!

Our beautiful Day 6 embryos thawed at the same grade 17 that they were frozen at. One of the pair was already hatching.

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Our embryos on the screen. Two beautiful diamonds this time.

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Double thumbs up!

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I’m so excited!!!

The transfer went smoothly. My bladder seemed fuller this time as I patiently waited out my 10 minutes before I could pee and move to the recovery room.

In the recovery room, my RE gave me acupuncture and I fell asleep. My husband said I was snoring (which is not a surprise – haha). I rested for just over an hour before we left the clinic.

It’s been grey and cloudy since we arrived, but the sun was shining brightly when we left the clinic. Perhaps another good sign??? We grabbed lunch on the way back to the hotel and then snuggled into bed to watch a movie.

I’m a little crampy and bloated, but otherwise feeling great. My honest opinion is that FETs are SO MUCH EASIER than fresh cycles. I’ve barely had any side effects from my current drug cocktail. I hope that this means pregnancy symptoms will be easier to notice.

Beta is scheduled for February 9th. Yes, I will POAS before then. I set a goal of holding out til February 7th, but we will see how things go. My goal remains the same: one day at a time.

Snuggle in there babies. We are bringing you home tomorrow.
❤ XO ❤  

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We loved you before we ever knew you

Proceeding with 2 – everything is on track!

Whew.

Why do I always let my fears encompass me? 

I just got off the call with my RE. He said our Day 6 embryos are grade 17. Even though they are graded above average by my clinic’s standards, they have slightly less potential due to their slower start. He said that even thought they don’t like to transfer 2 for women in my age range,  they will agree to transfer 2 for me. He wanted to ensure that my husband and I understood the risks associated with a twin pregnancy.

My answer…

Yes, we understand. My mom is a twin. My sister and brother are twins. I never thought I would have ever wanted twins until everything we have been through over the past 3+ years. With my high ectopic risk, one pregnancy with either one or two babies could be enough for us – the end of our fertility treatments.

If we have twins, we will definitely be satisfied.

If we have one child, we may even be satisfied – at least for now. The discussion of IF we pursue treatment for another child would be one that we would have to think long and hard about.

I’m crying as I re-read what I just wrote.

I feel like we have such a chance to finally reach our goal of building our family, welcoming our children home.

I’m excited, but I’m also scared.

Thank you to everyone for your opinions yesterday. You helped to build my confidence to advocate for what we know – in our mind, body and spirit – is right for us.

XO

Lindsey ❤

A change in plans: UGH! Really?!?!

To recap from our post-ectopic and FET discussion with our RE”

Our RE prefers singleton transfers, but he is open to us transferring more than one, particularly because we have Day-6 embryos frozen. He said since they were slower to grow and are likely to have a lower survival rate. The choice is ours to transfer one or two. My husband and I both agree we want to transfer both embabies.”

My logic for transferring 2 embryos is:

  • Increased success rate: Less survival rate for Day 6 embryos. Put two in and you increase the chances of one or both surviving.
  • Determine embryo quality sooner: If it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work. We will know if it’s an embryo issue sooner, rather than after 2 transfers.
  • Cost-savings: Transferring two is a safe guard for in case we need to do another round of IVF. We only have another 5 cycles before our Premier Plan expires (meaning another fresh cycle at 1/2 price). There is a slight possibility that we could squeeze it in before the cut off. At that point, we also would have incurred the cost of 2 FETs. :/
  • Two and done: Twins. My Grandma had ’em. My Mom had ’em. They survived… I will too. One pregnancy = DONE! This may seem selfish as twin pregnancies are high risk, but I honestly am ready to move forward and leave the (in)fertility crap behind me.

In December, we sent our signed FET paperwork to the clinic stating that we would be transferring 2 embryos. Last night, my nurse coordinator contacted me to let me know that my RE had me down to only transfer 1 embryo.

SAY WHAAAAAAT?!?!? 

Now, I have a call tomorrow morning with him to plead my case.

I just really want to bring both of our babies home. I hate the thought of them being without us. Yes, this is a very intuitive and connected Mother speaking here. ❤ All of my pre-transfer visualizations and meditations have focused on BOTH embryos being transferred.

I know he is going to say, “But Lindsey, you are young. You did get pregnant. You will again. Let’s take a safer route for you and the babies.

I’m open to hearing what he has to say. I just wish I had more of a final say in it.

I currently don’t know the grade of our frozen embryos. We won’t know what grade the embryos will be post-thaw until we get there.

What are your thoughts/opinions?

New Moon: regrouping & reconnecting

Our news about our FET officially being scheduled was exciting, but it also was frightening.

Immediately after I hung up the phone, my mind started racing with the list of what I needed to do: book travel, tell employer, tell parents, line up MIL to watch fur-babies, ensure no conflicts in calendar, etc.

The first step was booking travel. We found a reasonable deal on Expedia, but I just couldn’t shake the lingering and overwhelming anxiety of what is to come.

Yoga, meditation, deep breathing, a hot shower, calm and soothing music – none of it was working to bring me back to my balanced and peaceful state.

By this afternoon, my back/shoulders were sore (as anxiety gives me a “carrying the weight of the world” feeling) and I had a tension headache.

This evening, I had a much needed reiki session with my Reiki Master. We talked lots about the journey behind and before me. Before me… that’s where the fear comes in. 

Tonight is the first New Moon of 2015 – a perfect night for self care. I had a warm bath, then got out my new moon journal to record my desires and wishes – what EXACTLY it is I want to manifest into my life. I also made a list of the feelings I want to have during my FET and the 2 week wait.

That is the power of the New Moon: you regroup and reconnect with self to regain your focus.

Worrying creates tension which is a hostile environment for my babies. I can’t control the outcome of this cycle, but I can recognize when I’m becoming imbalanced. I can control my mind’s focus.

Simply put, it’s mind over matter.

I can do this. I’m ready to do this.

7 days til transfer…

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FET Monitoring: Part 2

And the news I’ve been waiting for…

My uterine lining is currently 8.4mm and my Estradiol is 814.

I always second guess my body, but turns out it’s right on schedule!

FET is officially scheduled for noon on Tuesday, January 27th.

Starting this Thursday, my routine will be:

Currently taking

  • Estrace – 4 mg 2x daily
  • Asprin  – 1 daily
  • Prenatal Vitamins & supplements

Add

  • Prometrium – 100 mg 2x daily
  • Progesterone in Oil – 1 ml intramuscularly daily meaning ASS SHOT
  • Doxycylcine – 100 mg 2x daily for 5 days

We fly out on Sunday night and return on Wednesday night.

My Beta is February 9th.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHIT JUST GOT REAL! 

Now that I’ve got that out of my system, I’m off to do my fertility yoga. 🙂

Thanks for your support and kind words of encouragement. It’s seems almost surreal that our FET is almost here. ❤

FET cycle – CD1

CD 1 – Frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle has begun!

The details:

  • This is our 1st (and hopefully last) FET following a fresh IVF cycle that resulted in an ectopic rupture
  • We are transferring our 2 embryos. I’m super excited to see them! 
  • It’s a natural FET
  • Tomorrow,  I start 400 mg of Estrace 2x daily + 1 Asprin
  • First monitoring appointment is Jan 19th – blood work + ultrasound. Welcome back Dildocam! It’s been a while… 
  • When I get the go ahead, I start Prometrium + Doxycyline and BOOK OUR TRIP back to the clinic
  • Transfer is tentatively scheduled for January 27. My guess is it will be a few days later as I typically ovulate later on a natural cycle

This afternoon when I heard back from the clinic, I felt a bit anxious. I reviewed my medication schedule. I counted my pills (yes, I’ve got some left from when I was pregnant). I went on Expedia and looked at travel options…

Then, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that:

My goal for this cycle is to remain calm, go with the flow and feel at peace with the process.

The only thing that mattered tonight was whether or not I had enough Estrace and Asprin for tomorrow. Answer = Yes.

There’s nothing to worry about.

One day at a time, one step at a time…

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We are coming back for you babies! Your Daddy and I are so excited to see you. We love you and can’t wait to bring you home. XO