To pee or not to pee?

You may have caught on that I’ve been experiencing some urinary incontinance issues. Over the past year or so, the following situations have caused my pelvic floor to weaken:

  1. Persistent and excessive vomitting from 7 weeks pregnant to 18 weeks pregnant, plus the occasional vomit since then
  2. Being on pelvic rest for almost 20 weeks over the span of 2 pregnancies and 1 surgery recovery
  3. Lack of sexual intercourse (because come on – puking doesn’t make me want it and isn’t really a huge turn on for him either)

I basically started peeing myself during my major puking episodes. The excessive force of continuous heaving left my pelvic floor wide open for my bladder to empty itself. I do fairly well with coughing or sneezing standing up, but if I’m sitting down, it’s all over. This clearly is an inconvienance if I’m working, driving, or doing any other laid back activity. I’ve started wearing liners when I go out just so that I don’t end up with wet pants.

Today, I had my first apppointment with a Physio Therapist who specializes in Women’s Health.

I left with a variety of kegel exercises to do, pelvic releasing stretches, direction on how to roll over, sit up and get out of bed, and strict instructions for how to sleep. If I’m on my side, I can’t let my upper leg/hip roll foward over the bottom leg/hip to avoid putting stress on my pelvis, hips and glutes.

I’m hoping after a few sessions with her, I will notice an improvement and avoid any future issues that may affect this pregnancy or thereafter.

Wish me luck!

The pukefest continues…

Remember how I said I was feeling better? That didn’t last long.

Thursday, I had a bad day. Didn’t puke a lot but felt nauseous all day. I ran out of my Zofran prescription on Friday and lasted all day Saturday before major puking episodes started again. Saturday, I only puked once. Yesterday afternoon, I couldn’t keep anything down after lunch. Today, I ended up calling in sick as I puked probably 10X before noon.

I called my favourite receptionist TWICE today. She said that she had left a note on the OB’s desk last week, but that he was really behind on them. She said she would mark it as URGENT and move it to the top of the pile. I called back end of day and she said there was nothing she could do until she spoke to him after the day’s appointments were done. Clearly, this woman has NEVER been prego sick and is STILL working on that office assertiveness that she is lacking. I got a bit short with her today. I told her I would have came in for an appointment last week, but she told me this could be handled over the phone. Then I said, if I don’t get my prescription filled today, I’ll be calling for an appointment tomorrow and most likely a doctor’s note for missing more time off work.  😦

The fantastic news is: since I’ve stopped Zofran, I’ve had regular poops!!!! That being said, I’ll take marbles out of my ass if it means my head isn’t hung over the toilet all day long. 🙂

I have some Diclectin left. I may pop a few tomorrow, but I really didn’t enjoy the zombie fog that comes along with it.

On Saturday, I was feeling optimistic that I could make it without any anti-nausea medicine. After today, I know I need to do what I need to do to get my work done. We are in the planning phases of a big project at work and I can’t take much time off right now (plus I’m most likely travelling again next week).

I get so frustrated when I get sick, but I keep telling myself life must want me to slow down for the sake of this baby. :/ I’m trying here… but a break that lasts longer than 24 hours would be really nice.

Are things actually looking up?

I’ve lowered my Zofran dose to 1 pill/day. I’m running out of my prescription, so I lowered the dose to ensure I could make it a few more days. I did call my OB’s office for a refill, but we all know how reliable his receptionist can be without persistent nagging… :/

Anyway, I HAVEN’T PUKED SINCE SUNDAY! I’ve dry heaved a few times in the morning. I’ve also had some on and off nausea throughout the day. But, this new-found non-puking stage is awesome! Maybe I just needed my rant on Monday to let it all out and transition into the feeling better version of me?  I’m honestly hoping last week was the worst of the worst and that things are looking up from here. After 7+ weeks of nausea and puking, I’m ready for it to be over!

Also, I found a barely used Halo Bassinet on kijiji for HALF PRICE! I thought this bassinet seemed silly and overpriced until I seen my nephew in it. It adjusts to the height of your bed, swivels for easy access to bed, has see-through mesh to see the baby, etc. The model we got has all the electronic features (which I don’t know how often I will use) and retails brand new in Canada for approximately $300. She also included the fitted mattress sheet which is sold separately. We did splurge a bit more than I had anticipated to get this bassinet, but I just couldn’t pass up the deal!

halo-bassinest-21

I’ve been nervous about early sleeping arrangements as our fur-rascals all sleep with us. The last thing I need is battling 2 chihuahuas and a Ragdoll to get out of the bed when I have a newborn. I’ve just decided it may be easier to let them sleep with us. I wanted something to secure baby, but also keep him within arms reach. We don’t have a lot of width to our bedroom. Moving a pack ‘n play or crib into our room would not work. We tried the bassinet out and it fits perfectly on my side of the bed.

So there you have it:

  1. I’m feeling better
  2. Baby has somewhere to sleep

I call that success!

The truth about being sick during pregnancy

I know every infertile who has yet to conceive HATES those who have crossed over to become annoying, complaining pregos.

Well, the truth is: I am one of them.

I am feeling broken down. I worked so hard for years while trying to conceive to eat healthy, get my insides working properly and balance my system.

Now, I feel like a pile of shit.

No one tells you that during pregnancy:

  • Morning sickness really means all day sickness and often lasts beyond 1st trimester
  • You will pee yourself
  • Pulling poop chunks out of your bum is nothing to be ashamed of
  • Food is your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time
  • Heartburn is uncontrollable
  • You will never sleep through the night again

At 14.5 weeks pregnant, my sickness has yet to subside. A full dose of Zofran does curb the all day nausea, but I still puke. Don’t even get me started on how well I do with flying (which unfortunately I seem to be doing a lot of lately due to my job). I stole a puke bag from my flight on Friday night and hurled my guts out on the drive home from the airport… which also lead to peeing myself. My body lost control with the consistent heaving. Needless to say, I’m glad to have leather seats and my husband deserves an award for wiping up my piss.

I am taking 2 stool softeners daily to combat the constipation from Zofran, yet I still find myself struggling to push hard marbles out of my ass. I long for the day when it easily slides out again.

My definition of a meal has completely transformed. I used to enjoy food, but now I have to choke down 1 piece of pizza – my former favourite treat. I eat probably 1/4 of what I used to eat per meal. I try to load up on fresh fruits and cold vegetables as much as possible. Fortunately, I’m still craving fruit.

I have immense heartburn that Tums and Gaviscon barely touches (I plan to ask my OB for another remedy). I toss and turn all night long from a mixture of heartburn and the need to pee. I guess this is preparing me for being up with baby, but I haven’t slept through the night since I found out I am pregnant. My shoulders and lower back ache from trying to sleep on my left side – a pregnancy recommendation, but also a good step to combat the heartburn.

I’ve decided to toss the Snoogle aside for a few nights of cuddling. I miss my husband. Having a huge body pillow in between us does not do much for intimacy.

I’m lucky in the sense that I do have glowing skin, but morning nausea means no drive to “get ready”. Curly hair or a pony-tail, no make-up and sweats is my usual style these days when I’m not travelling for work.

I can’t do as much as I used to. Visiting 3 stores yesterday resulted in a puking episode. My husband insisted we had done enough and I come home to rest.

Most days I just want to curl up in a ball and pray that my symptoms subside. I’ve gone from a slightly crunchy all natural person to someone who medicates because, without it, there is no relief. No matter what, I still have a job to do, a house to maintain, and a life to live.

As much as I know “it will all be worth it”, that statement really did not sink in for me until recently. Another IVF friend, who had her baby 1 month ago and was equally as sick as me, stressed the importance of how she would do it all over again in a second. I just need to keep reminding myself that I will forget all about the pains of pregnancy once my baby is in my arms.

Our road to baby has been far from straight and narrow. So, I’m sending it out to the universe that I desire a quick, natural birth. And I damn well think I deserve it.

pregnancycrap

Sweet, sweet relief!

I woke up this morning with NO NAUSEA!

I have a new friend. His name is Zofran.

When I told my OB that Diclectin wasn’t working, he said, “No messing around. I’m giving you the good stuff“.

So far, I’ve only taken one pill before bed. My OB said I could take up to 3 pills a day. I’m going to try to play with my dosage to get myself on the least amount with the most amount of relief.

It’s crazy how much prego nausea/sickness affects you. Most mornings, I dreaded getting out of bed as that’s when the nausea would hit. I’d struggle to get ready for work, attempt to eat something without puking (which recently was a daily fail) and prepare my package of anti-nausea remedies to battle through the day (soda crackers, ginger ale, preggie pops). I carried a puke bucket with me – especially in the vehicle. Nausea was controlling my life.

This morning, I feel like myself. I ate breakfast without up-chucking it. I have a clear mind. I’m ready for the day.

My one piece of advice to other soon-to-be Momma’s experiencing horrible nausea: Don’t attempt to fight it! Allow yourself the relief. Growing a baby is hard work. When you feel constantly nauseous (because let’s get real – who really only has MORNING sickness?), it’s a major bummer. I was super grumpy. My social life has been majorly lacking. My husband was getting annoyed with my constant sickness. Take back your life and take the damn pill!

The rest of our OB appointment went well. I’m convinced my little one does not like ultrasounds. He did a major flip and curled into a ball when he first tried to scan me. Due to a shitty office layout, I missed seeing the whole thing, but my husband excitedly relayed what he saw to me. The doctor wasn’t concerned with last week’s bleed. I got my requisition to complete the blood portion of the NT testing and hopefully my anatomy scan will be scheduled soon. Yes, the new receptionist is doing a better job now. Kindness and patience paid off.

Tomorrow I’m 13 weeks. It’s hard to believe the first trimester is almost over. ❤

12 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 12 weeks and 4 days

Meds: All taken daily – Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Diclectin (4 pills daily)

Baby is the size of: an apricot or a plum

Best Moment This Week: Seeing our baby bounce on the screen during our 12 week ultrasound

Total Weight Gain: +5 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Still in between sizes. I’ve been living in sweat pants, leggings and maxi skirts.

Symptoms:  NAUSEA! Ughhhhhhhhh. I’m hope that I’m in that transitional “worse before it gets better” phase because the past 4 days have been horrible. I struggled with puking all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I wasn’t able to keep anything down yesterday. Easter supper does not taste as good coming back up as it did going down. I manage the nausea better if I eat more frequent, yet smaller meals. Driving = especially in my husband’s truck – does me in. I’ve started carrying a puke bowl with me.

The persistent sickness has made me not so worried about my bleed from Thursday night. I am still going to try to get in to see my OB before my scheduled appointment on Thursday if possible.

My rant of the week would be non-prego/non-infertile advice about pregnancy nausea. I really don’t want to hear “did you try this or this?” from people who have never experienced it. I also don’t like people telling me “oh well it will all be worth it in the end“. I get that. I know it will all be worth it, but it’s hard not to be grumpy when you can barely stomach soda crackers. /endrant

That being said: I welcome all advice from anyone who has experienced this before me! Rumour has it, you can increase your Diclectin dosage with Doctor permission? Is this true?

Sleep: I have more energy since stopping my progesterone. I can still sleep for 10-12 hours a night though. Still having the crazy dreams. I’ve also been using the Snoogle pillow consistently this week.

Food Cravings: Strawberries, pumpkin pie, plain chips, ice water, Mini Wheats,

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Chicken, vegetables, brushing my teeth, driving,

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump: Still barely there but continuously getting harder.  

Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Moody. Being sick does not equal a happy Lindsey.

Purchases for baby: Nothing this week.

Miss Anything?: Enjoying a meal, cuddling (as the Snoogle gets in the way)

Looking forward to: My doctor’s appointment on Thursday and whenever this dreaded nausea subsides!

Recognizing when fear creeps back in

My business trip went well this week. The Diclectin kicked in and I thought, “Gee, I’m really starting to feel better! I should reduce my dosage…

Well, let’s just say, I don’t recommend reducing your Diclectin dosage UNLESS you are prepared for the nausea/dry heaving/puking to return. 😦

I battled through yesterday, but am happy to say I did not puke on my flight home.

I will admit that the subsiding symptoms (whether drug induced or not) were bringing up my fearful Momma vibes. My boobs were less sore, my nausea was gone… was my baby ok?

The return of the dreaded nausea has confirmed that everything is more than likely on track, but I’m feeling like I need a confidence boost.

My 12 week nuchal translucency ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday, April 2nd (cue the WHOHOO!).

In the meantime, I’ve decided to register for Molly Nichol‘s upcoming FREE online workshop: How to Prepare Yourself for Pregnancy after Infertility.

During this event, Molly will explain how you can reduce the amount of fear and anxiety you experience once you become pregnant after infertility.

I may be a Courageous Momma growing her rainbow baby, but I know I don’t have all the answers. I hope to learn a thing or two from Molly’s upcoming session and tame that fear once again.