The floodgates have opened

I was feeling nauseous. It had been all day – on and off.

I described it as like when I was pregnant.

Why, oh why did I make that comparison? 

He got excited.

I told him to slow down. We had JUST had sex a few days ago.

He commented that we also did it 2 weeks ago to be exact.

Isn’t it ironic that he remembers better than I do now? 

He asked if I had taken a test.

I didn’t have any.

He offered to pick some up on his way home.

An hour later, I started puking and the fever set in.

I texted him to forget about the tests. It was only the flu.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of sorrow.

That spark of excitement at the possibility of a miracle pregnancy had been ignited. And just as fast as it was lit, it burnt out again.

I told him I was sorry.

I didn’t realize how stupid and naive I would feel thinking that we could possibly be pregnant…

I didn’t realize it would catch me so off guard.

The floodgates have opened.

The possibility and hope for another child has been brought to the forefront of our minds.

Or maybe it just never really went away? 










10 thoughts on “The floodgates have opened

  1. I feel the same way!! I was blessed with twins after waiting for my miracle for 10 years. I’m happy – I am! but.. I am feeling that sadness again, that my family still isnt complete. That sadness I get when people announce their pregnancies.. Is this just something I need to process? or do I really want a third kid? Can I even have a 3rd kid. These are my thoughts almost every day.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s