I know every infertile who has yet to conceive HATES those who have crossed over to become annoying, complaining pregos.
Well, the truth is: I am one of them.
I am feeling broken down. I worked so hard for years while trying to conceive to eat healthy, get my insides working properly and balance my system.
Now, I feel like a pile of shit.
No one tells you that during pregnancy:
- Morning sickness really means all day sickness and often lasts beyond 1st trimester
- You will pee yourself
- Pulling poop chunks out of your bum is nothing to be ashamed of
- Food is your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time
- Heartburn is uncontrollable
- You will never sleep through the night again
At 14.5 weeks pregnant, my sickness has yet to subside. A full dose of Zofran does curb the all day nausea, but I still puke. Don’t even get me started on how well I do with flying (which unfortunately I seem to be doing a lot of lately due to my job). I stole a puke bag from my flight on Friday night and hurled my guts out on the drive home from the airport… which also lead to peeing myself. My body lost control with the consistent heaving. Needless to say, I’m glad to have leather seats and my husband deserves an award for wiping up my piss.
I am taking 2 stool softeners daily to combat the constipation from Zofran, yet I still find myself struggling to push hard marbles out of my ass. I long for the day when it easily slides out again.
My definition of a meal has completely transformed. I used to enjoy food, but now I have to choke down 1 piece of pizza – my former favourite treat. I eat probably 1/4 of what I used to eat per meal. I try to load up on fresh fruits and cold vegetables as much as possible. Fortunately, I’m still craving fruit.
I have immense heartburn that Tums and Gaviscon barely touches (I plan to ask my OB for another remedy). I toss and turn all night long from a mixture of heartburn and the need to pee. I guess this is preparing me for being up with baby, but I haven’t slept through the night since I found out I am pregnant. My shoulders and lower back ache from trying to sleep on my left side – a pregnancy recommendation, but also a good step to combat the heartburn.
I’ve decided to toss the Snoogle aside for a few nights of cuddling. I miss my husband. Having a huge body pillow in between us does not do much for intimacy.
I’m lucky in the sense that I do have glowing skin, but morning nausea means no drive to “get ready”. Curly hair or a pony-tail, no make-up and sweats is my usual style these days when I’m not travelling for work.
I can’t do as much as I used to. Visiting 3 stores yesterday resulted in a puking episode. My husband insisted we had done enough and I come home to rest.
Most days I just want to curl up in a ball and pray that my symptoms subside. I’ve gone from a slightly crunchy all natural person to someone who medicates because, without it, there is no relief. No matter what, I still have a job to do, a house to maintain, and a life to live.
As much as I know “it will all be worth it”, that statement really did not sink in for me until recently. Another IVF friend, who had her baby 1 month ago and was equally as sick as me, stressed the importance of how she would do it all over again in a second. I just need to keep reminding myself that I will forget all about the pains of pregnancy once my baby is in my arms.
Our road to baby has been far from straight and narrow. So, I’m sending it out to the universe that I desire a quick, natural birth. And I damn well think I deserve it.