6 month update

I have a 6 month old!!! Wow. It feels weird to say that. 

This month, Wyatt…

  • Is in the majorly distracted phase. Mommy struggles to get him to eat or nap as Wyatt just doesn’t want to miss out on anything.
  • Crawled backwards once but Mommy thinks it was just a fluke.
  • Can sit up on his own  – a little wobbly but unassisted
  • Has further developed his dexterity. He grasps Mommy’s zipper, pulls on the clasp of his chew toys, and grabs just about anything else in sight (including puppy dog tags and kitty tails!)
  • Started swimming lessons which he goes to on Saturday mornings with Daddy
  • Gained another 2 lbs and grew another 2 inches
  • is still co-sleeping, exclusively breastfed and 100% in cloth diapers.
  • has no teeth yet

This past month, Mommy…

  • Recovered from ANOTHER cold 😦
  • Dealt with dermatitis on my face which everyone told me I wouldn’t be able to treat naturally, but I did!
  • Had an excellent physio appointment where she signed off on my lady bits being in tip top shape (once again, never the same but healed).
  • Dealt with an unexpected grief explosion 
  • Faced some unexpected anxiety which I’m attributing to the Scorpio Moon (because I’m woo woo like that) 🙂

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A response from Huggies

I actually sent the letter I wrote to Huggies.

Here’s the response I received:

Dear Lindsey,

Thank you for contacting us about the HUGGIES® e-newsletters that you are receiving.

I have forwarded your request to our technical team for immediate removal from our e-mail distribution list.  However, because our Brand e-newsletters are scheduled in advance, it is possible that you could receive one or more e-mails within the next two weeks.  I am sorry for any inconvenience.

Please let me know if you have any additional questions about our products or newsletters.  Thank you.

Alisha
Consumer Services, Kimberly-Clark Corp.
Lead the world in essentials for a better life.

When I received their response, I realized I was naive. I actually thought they would maybe take me up on my offer to help. Should I have mentioned that I have a background in UX and actually design web/software applications? 

I know Alisha is simply doing her job, but I wasn’t looking to be removed from a mailing list. I could have easily hit unsubscribe or changed my account preferences myself.

I was looking for Huggies to show me that they have COMPASSION for women who experience pregnancy or infant loss.

I wanted Huggies to understand how much their “whoopsie” marketing affects these women and pro-actively make a change to avoid future heartache at their expense.

Who am I kidding? Corporations don’t value compassion.

Huggies won’t make a dime off grieving mothers. Why would they invest time and money into a minor web enhancement to avoid offending this minor target market? There’s no ROI when there’s no baby to diaper.

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) in the USA and the theme is #startasking. Even if my effort to start a discussion about pregnancy loss with Huggies wasn’t a success, it was a start. If we all #startasking, we are destined to see change. ❤

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In the USA, National Infertility Awareness week runs from April 24-30, 2016. For more information on how you can #startasking, visit Resolve: The National Infertility Association

In Canada, Canadian Infertility Awareness Week (CIAW) is May 12-20. For more information, visit fertilitymatters.ca

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Huggies

Today I received an email from you with the title: Are you ready for your little one’s big one?

I thought to myself that this marketing campaign is REALLY early. My son’s birthday is over 6 months away.

Then, it hit me.

You were referring to my dead daughter. My expected due date was May 24, 2015. Her 1st birthday could have been month from now, but instead we lost her much too soon.

At first, I was angry. This was just another example of how inconsiderate society is towards grieving mothers. Do you really expect a woman to update all of her marketing preferences after she’s lost a child?

I took a deep breath and thought to myself that maybe I shouldn’t be so upset?

Thank you Huggies for acknowledging our Angel’s upcoming special day.

My husband and I still recognize it even though no one else around us does. We don’t receive any cards, any phone calls or even any texts. A woman who experiences pregnancy loss may have only held their child in womb, but she will forever hold their memory in her heart. The world around her moves on, but she always remembers those significant dates. This year, you are probably are the only one who will remember – even if it was a mistake.

The thing is pregnancy loss affects 1 in 4 women. I’m sure I’m not the first who’s experienced such a “WHOOPS” on behalf of Huggies. If you’d like to work together to find a solution to this scenario, I’d be more than willing to help.

Lindsey

(Momma to Emme and Wyatt)

 

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Confessions from the car

You have yelled at your husband 3 nights in a row before bed. It finally makes sense why they say the first year after a child is born is trying on your marriage. You realize it takes full commitment and communication from both sides. But, you are feeling unloved, unheard, unappreciated. Ugh, is it really us or could it just be tomorrow’s full moon?
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You look in the mirror and see no make up, a Mom bun and sweats. You don’t even know what it feels like to wear dress clothes anymore, let alone shoes that aren’t Sanuks.

Your hormonal/viral induced rash is almost gone. How come no one told you about all these wonderful ”benefits” of being postpartum?

You are sitting in your car in the driveway, listening to Coffee House tunes, drinking a tea while your baby sleeps in the back seat. This is the closest you’ve felt to normal all week.

Except for last night when you stayed up until 1pm to help a friend with their website… Yes, you are on maternity leave but you relish any opportunity to use your brain beyond baby life.

You look in the mirror and see your baby stirring. It’s time to tune back in. As much as you needed this car break, you always need his closeness. ❤

So for today, you will go inside and ignore the mess. You will enjoy the snuggles and playtime while you still can…

Especially because they are simple and the rest of life seems anything but simple these days.

An unexpected grief explosion

On Friday night, I attended a Chakradance session for the heart chakra.

I didn’t think this one would hit me as hard as it did.

As we began the meditation, I saw an imagine of a woman suffocating her child and heard the message, “You didn’t kill your baby“.

*gasp*

I had been carrying a huge burden around without consciously realizing it.

The tears began to flow.

Her image is blurry in my mind. I  can’t feel her energy as strongly as I once did. I don’t hear her voice as often anymore.

I am afraid of losing her.

I heard, “You need to let her go. She will always be with you“.

Letting go doesn’t mean she’s gone.

An image appeared of her heart within Wyatt’s, within my own, within my husband’s…

She’s within us all.

Forgiving yourself is hard to do.

Letting go is even harder –  especially when it’s your child.

Grief catches you when you least expect it. And clearly for me, it’s a continuous process of unveiling, unravelling and releasing.

As I drove home, the song “Tupelo Honey” by Van Morrison came on the radio…

She’s as sweet as tupelo honey
She’s an angel of the first degree
She’s as sweet as tupelo honey
Just like the honey, baby, from the bee
She’s my baby, you know she’s alright…..”

I love you Emme ❤

The baby gate dilemma

Wyatt’s moving more and more every day. Yesterday, he figured out how to back crawl or maybe it was shimmy – either way he’s progressively moving his way around the room.

I need to find baby gates before he’s crawing!

We live in a 4-level split home with 3 staircases. Our main hallway features side-by-side staircases with an older railing. There isn’t much to hold a tension-style gate, nor is there much to fascine a permanent style gate to. A new railing has been on my wish list for a few years now, but is highly unlikely to happen anytime soon.

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Yes, that’s a cat toy hanging from the railing. We opted for self-serve play time once Wyatt arrived. 

Our lower level may be an easier solution as it has a fairly standard railing on one side.

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We may need gates with a pet door. Our chihuahuas will go outside, but they are also pee pad trained. Their pads are in the basement, same with the cat’s litter box. I’ve put up a tension style gate at the bottom of the 3rd level stairs to keep the dogs contained a few times. Oliver the cat can jump over it to go to his litter box, but sometimes he gets lazy and meows for me to lift him back over. Anyway, the pet gate isn’t a MUST have feature. I’m willing to adjust our routine and/or pet bathroom location if necessary.

I’d prefer tension style. My husband will cringe if I have to put holes in the walls, BUT if that is the best solution we will go for it.

What are your suggestions?

 

Motherhood: a shift in priorities and expectations

My biggest challenge with motherhood has been adjusting to a slower pace of life. I used to be a go-getter. I love organizing. I love a clean home. I love planning projects and following through with them.

Being a Mom means everything takes THAT MUCH longer.

Today it is an amazing 19 degrees Celsius on the Canadian Prairies. I grabbed the little man and headed into the backyard to enjoy the sun.

When I looked around, I saw…

Leaves to be raked. Piles of branches to be rid of. Gardens that never got weeded before Wyatt came last Fall. A shed messily full of patio furniture which means I can’t even get my gardening gloves out. A deck that needs to be repainted in a last ditch attempt to make it last a few more years. A fence that needs repairs so our genius chihuahua Bella will stop escaping.

*cue the anxiety*

When will all of this get done?

My husband is not a go-getter. It take persistent nagging to get him to do major household tasks.

So, I took a deep breath and made a to-do list. I numbered it in order of priority.

And then I reminded myself that right now my son doesn’t know any different. The leaves don’t matter to him. He won’t notice the chipping pain. All that matters is exploring, learning and enjoying his days.

For now, I can ignore the disaster. We waited years for Wyatt to join us. He deserves my time and attention. His needs are the priority and the yard work will get done… eventually.

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Robyn’s story: RPL – what to do next?

The following was written by a friend of mine who is going through recurrent pregnancy loss. She’s looking for advice on potential next steps for determining why they keep enduring this pain and heartache.

ROBYN’S STORY

We first started trying in January 2015, and right away in March 2015 received a positive pregnancy test.  SUPER excited so we told our immediate family right away! So now we sat and waited for 12 weeks to come so the doctor would do more blood work and an ultrasound. At 10 weeks had some spotting so we immediately went to the doctor and he looked at our HCG numbers and they were low (1700) – sadly he said we would lose this one. We watched these numbers fade over the next week.   Two weeks of a natural miscarriage was the WORST thing I had to experience! A long emotional two weeks, feeling like I was the cause of everything, the let-down of family that we had told. I sat there feeling so helpless and questioned why us?

Growing up I always received the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”. I always answered “a mom” .  I wasn’t going to let the one miscarriage let me down! I had been advised by family and friends that it happens often a miscarriage. So, we decided to try again. That in itself is a challenge putting yourself out there again for it to happen again and the fear is unremarkable! Well we started trying and got pregnant again in September, 2015! I was hopeful that this was our baby ☺. Well once again at about 7 weeks I started having some bleeding again. Your heart breaks because you know exactly the outcome this will have! We spoke to our family doctor and decided to take Misoprostol which made it hard at first but it wasn’t the 2 weeks like before!  We also at this time decided to look at my thyroid numbers as mentioned from a friend and yes they were high (having normal all my life- I always checked as my mom and sister had issues I knew I was at risk too !)

Our family doctor decided to send us to an OBGYN. Within a few weeks we were in his office wondering why us and what can we do to change these outcomes? We brought it to the OBGYN attention that I had a positive ANA blood test. I have been diagnosed with Raynaud’s which causes issues with my circulation. He also did some blood clotting test on me and it came back clean. We did chromosomal on myself and my partner and they came back clean as well. So he started us on daily Asprin and sent us on our way. Once we received a positive we were to immediately start progesterone and do some blood work. Soo…now we face that fear of trying again.

Aspirin made me feel great! I suffered a lot of years of migraines and headaches- NOTHING with the aspirin maybe a few days that usually stemmed from me crying due to the emotions and fear of all this pain and unanswered questions.

We decided we were ready and hopeful that this aspirin made such a difference that it was maybe indeed the answer we were looking for! One simple pill made the world of a difference in how I felt. We decided to start trying and got a positive pregnancy test in February 2016 (I was on aspirin for 100 days now). I was terrified to see the double lines….3 pregnancy tests later ok…..this was real. So immediately that day we got the pregnancy blood work, started progesterone, and headed to the doctor that evening. Our HCG was 71- wow we caught this one early ☺ My thyroid was up to 8.3 so the next day we started 50 snythroid daily. I did the Antibody screen and it was negative. All my blood work seemed to be “normal” as he didn’t see any more concerns.

One week later, we did another HCG and we were up to 3241! That’s the highest we have EVER been fantastic! I felt great, I was so positive that we had an answer!  We did routine doctor visits every 2 weeks where he had a small hand held ultrasound machine. He couldn’t see much because it was so small, but there was something there! So he sent us for an ultrasound at 7 weeks 1 day – there was our little bean growing! A heart beat of 155- OHHH its sticking around! We got our first picture and headed out of that office with the BIGGEST smile on our faces. This was amazing the feeling of having a picture and a confirmed heart beat!  It does say on our report that I have a “mildly sub septate” uterus.  Our OBGYN didn’t seem to worry about this.

He redid my thyroid blood work and it was still slightly elevated at 4.4 so twice a week I had to take two doses of synthroid (which would be 100) on these days. I still felt great but always had a fear inside of me that something would happen. After 2 losses, I just had a hard time being positive and loosing that fear inside of me.

Routine appointment was on March 23rd which was about 10 weeks (10.43 to be exact) so I was down in my slump feeling worried and needs some reassurance that it was fine! So I go in and he does the routine how do you feel? Any bleeding or spotting? Blood pressure check and then the ultrasound with his hand held. He always said it wasn’t a fantastic machine to see small early pregnancies but he sat there and moved it and moved it and moved it……I began to worry. But he said “I’m sure its fine” and decided to send me for a ultrasound, one block away and 1 hour later I was in the ultrasound room….

The ultrasound tech did the ultrasound and left the room…I’ve been here before and knew it wasn’t good. Yup the worst has happened. We were told that it stopped growing shortly after the previous ultrasound. Immediately back to the doctor we go…..we had to stop aspirin and progesterone immediately and decide on our options. We waited the weekend and tried to spend it with family as it was Easter. I started having some bleeding and decided to do the Misoprostol. The first day two days I was instructed to collect any tissue or items that I passed to be sent away. I sent this away the next day, have yet to know of any outcomes. Our OBGYN suggested we try heparin shots next in a hope that it might work.

Here I sit…wondering what more answers can I find? What tests should I push for? I have heard of testing for APA blood work- symptoms I have that might work are arthritis feeling, ongoing headaches, upper body discomfort. Online it says you are at higher risk of miscarriage. Check the blood flow into my Uterus? NK cells ?  

SUMMARY

  • Raynaud’s Disease
  • Positive for ANA cells
  • 3 losses – March 2015, September 2015, February 2016
  • Elevated Thyroid levels once pregnancy confirmed
  • Last protocol under guidance of OB/GYN: Asprin, Progesterone, Synthroid (100 mg twice/week)

Any suggestions?

Parenting your son doesn’t put you on a pedestal

I just stumbled upon this article and sent it to my husband to read, “Just Because I Get Up in the Night Doesn’t Mean I Deserve Praise“.

The irony is the story that husband describes is exactly how our day went.

I’m sick again with a cold and dealing with an out of sorts/cranky baby. I’m not sure if it’s teething, a cold or a combo of the two. His schedule and his normally cheery personality have left the building.

You know how it goes when you are sick. Mom life doesn’t get put on hold. Your symptoms keep you awake at night, then just when you have finally passed out from exhaustion, the baby decides to wake up to nurse/pee/just because it’s midnight party time.

Last night I couldn’t take it any more. Wyatt had been up multiple times before midnight. When he was wide awake at 1:30 am, I told Mike it was his turn. OK, fine. I may have yelled I’m fucking exhausted and I’m not going to get better if you don’t take a damn turn! But… that was after he simply told Wyatt to go back to sleep and then ignored him. 

Well, he took his turn and stayed up with the little man til 3:30 am. I later learned that Wyatt did go back to sleep as Mike rocked him downstairs. Mike just didn’t go to sleep himself until Wyatt woke at 3:30 am and he decided to take him back to our bedroom.

When Mike left for work this morning, I thanked him for getting up and told him I was already starting to feel better. He replied with, “Well I’m tired now, so I better be getting an extra long nap this evening!“.

My response, “You are fucking kidding me right?”

As the story goes, a husband does not deserve extra breaks, extra credit or extra ass kissing for simply being a parent. A Mom deserves to be spelled off at times especially if she is sick.  I told my husband at supper time that I don’t feel like he’s on our team lately. He’s been all “Team Mike”.

Honestly, he’s had it really easy for being a father with a newborn son. He hasn’t curbed any of his social activities. In fact, he actually took on one more activity this winter. He currently goes out 2x a week for bowling and curling, not including other random social activities like wing nights with the boys.

My Mom tried to tell me it’s my fault for “letting him“, but I don’t feel like our relationship is based on one controlling the other like that. My issue has to do with his sense of entitlement. When I was sick the last time, I asked Mike to cancel one of his bowling games. Then, I heard all about it for the next few weeks.

Mike tells me to go out more. He thinks I need more time for myself,  but I’m not interested in that. I want to spend time with my son. I want to spend time together as a family. I’m ok with how my social life is. The issue has more to do with communication and respect within parenting roles than a division of social activity.

I want to feel comfortable acknowledging my needs and not feel guilty when I ask for them to be met. I just want my husband to listen, sympathize and understand when I ask for help. And when he does follow through with his role as a parent, I want him to drop the sense of entitlement.

Right now, the resentment is building (especially since he crawled into bed at 9pm tonight after watching the ball game this evening) and resentment leads to anger. I need to nip this one in the butt before it festers.

My best friend keeps telling me we are just still working things out. She experienced similar situations with her partner. Their daughter is 9 months old and for them, it’s much better now.

Is this true? Is this just typical new Dad brain? Will we come to a common understanding before I go crazy?

From her to him

 

A bunny.

Simple.

Soft.

So meaningful.

Not an Easter gift.

A present from his sister.

How can someone who never graced the earth with her presence gift something to someone who came after her?

It’s easy.

I bought it for her.

When I packed up all of her things, I knew deep in my heart that she would want Wyatt to have her bunny.

So as he grows, he’ll know his sister gave it to him.

I’m sure Grandma won’t know how to explain that one when Wyatt can finally proclaim, “This bunny is from my sister Emme who lives in heaven!“.

But, a big smile will come across my face and my heart will warm to know that my son knows the truth.

We are a family of 4 whether you see it or not. ❤

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