Motherhood Part Two: The biggest surprise of my life

It’s been months since I’ve put words on this page.

Life has changed drastically.

Wyatt, my beautiful IVF rainbow baby, is now almost 23 months old.

And I’m just over 9 weeks pregnant.

Shocking. I know. 

I should have seen it coming. I had so many signs from the universe.

Deep down, I believed it was possible. I longed for it to happen.

But…

My conscious mind didn’t want to go there. I was protecting my heart after many agonizing years of trying to have a child. It was safer to believe it couldn’t happen.

On August 3rd when I took a pregnancy test, I was shocked to see two lines. I actually think I was in literal shock for over 48 hours.

It was difficult navigating the health care system as an (in)fertile who conceived spontaneously. My fertility clinic told me to go to my family doctor. The family doctor didn’t believe that I ovulated when I thought I did, obviously late in the cycle due to breastfeeding.

Why can’t we trust a mother’s intuition? Why don’t doctor’s believe that a woman can know her body? 

They booked me in for a much-too-early scan which just created fear and anxiety.

We were even earlier along than we thought.

I found it ironic that I had tested on the first probable day I could have gotten a faint positive.

We waited for our next scan just before 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat.

Relief, but the fear still needs to be tamed. 

If we are blessed to receive this gift, are we destined to keep it?

My heart, my body, my soul – all say yes.

One day at a time, Lindsey.

 

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17 thoughts on “Motherhood Part Two: The biggest surprise of my life

  1. A very quiet but so thrilled congratulations to you! have often think of you as I’ve always enjoyed your blog and this is just wonderful news! I wanted to give you assurance that miracles do happen (although not when you’re gagging for them!) and I too had a spontaneous pregnancy 9 months after delivering our beautiful donor egg baby boy. I, like you, was incredibly nervous having had several miscarriages with my own eggs and had been told by fertility clinics that my eggs were shot. But she clung on and is now five months old and, unsurprisingly, SUPER feisty. Early scans are terrifying and you are clearly doing brilliantly with your heartbeat. Look forward to the next update! Lucy XX

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  2. Those early scans are so nerve wracking, especially the waits in between (the worst!). As a former infertile, currently 36+ weeks along with a miracle, spontaneous unicorn rainbow baby, all I can say is hang in there! Nine months later, and I’m still in a little bit of denial that this is really happening.

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  3. Oh my goodness!! Just checked my reader feed for the first time in ages and came across this post and I’m so happy I did! Such good news!! I’m so happy and excited for you! I can’t wait for her next update!

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      • Just wanted to add that I was terrified those first 12 weeks with baby girl. I just couldn’t believe we could possibly have a second rainbow baby and every scan and appointment was so nerve wracking (we also had an inconclusive first scan) but second rainbows are possible! It’s so surreal to look back on how hard it all was and all the losses and then how strangely easy it was when it all went right. Keeping everything crossed for you that everything goes smoothly and completely uneventful. 🙏🤞❤️

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