The poop chronicles

This afternoon, I experienced some backlog in my back end. After I refilled my Zofran,  I didn’t take my Restorolax for a few days as I still had normal movement. BIG MISTAKE!

I started drinking it again over the past two days, but was still experiencing constipation.

This afternoon,  I managed to find some relief using a suppository. I still felt like there was more up there, so I put in a second one hoping it would clean me out good. The thing is: it didn’t. Normally,  I go within a matter of minutes. I forgot about it and went on with my day. 

I’m currently at the airport heading on a business trip. I brought my Restorolax along in my carry-on which is just a small jar of powder. Well the scanner picked it up as liquid (????) and they unpacked my bag to find my constipation remedy falsely fooled them.

Once I was through security,  I called my husband. All of a sudden,  I felt an extreme urge to poop. I quickly ended our call and rushed to the bathroom.  I was already in the stall when I let out what I thought would be gas…. Except it was (oh yes you guessed right) melted suppository. I just sharted my pants. Luckily, it was more melted glycerin than shit.

I knew there was a reason I packed extra undies and pants. I quickly changed my underwear and put on a pair of clean jeans.

I thought my goal for this trip would be to make it through the flight without puking afterwards,  but turns out I needed to be more worried about my other end! Oh the joys of pregnancy!!!

After vaginal progesterone suppositories, bum suppositories, fertility injections, diaherria, constipation and extreme morning sickness, nothing grosses me out anymore! I’m well prepared for baby! ūüôā

Combatting nausea and realizing fears

I finally got my Zofran refilled by my GP. Seeing her was a bit ironic as my OB is her Dad! She was super excited for us though. She gave me a 1 year refill (knowing I won’t need that much) and also one for Ranitidine (Zantac) to curb my heartburn. If you have the prescription, you can get it covered by your benefits instead of buying it over the counter.

So far, I’m feeling much better. I tried to skip my night time dose last night, but that proved to be a wrong decision. Things seem to work well if I take 1 pill at night and 1 pill at noon. I’ve realized that I need to stop being so stubborn and take the damn meds. I need some quality of life during this pregnancy. Self-care is important and in this case, taking the meds is caring for myself. This whole medicated versus natural debate keeps coming up in my life though.

In two weeks, my husband and I are starting hypnobirthing classes. I’ve always desired to have a natural birth. Although, I am open to an alternate birth plan if complications arise.

Last night, I had a bath and began to read the Hypnobirthing manual. A few chapters in, I realized that I have SO MUCH FEAR around medical intervention during birth. I have heard many stories lately about full episiotomies, vaccums, foreceps, etc. It almost seems more traumatizing when they intervene while a mother is trying to have a vaginal birth versus simply wheeling you in for a c-section.

I find this fear to be ironic as clearly medical intervention has been a good thing for us. Without it, we would not have conceived our children. As a mother who has experienced pregnancy loss, medical intervention also eases my worries. Every ultrasound and OB appointment gives me validation that my baby is ok.

Still, I¬†long for some control on this journey. I desire one thing to go as I planned… Perhaps that’s the issue? Do I need to let go of ALL need to control?

Either way, I don’t have the answer.¬†I hope to work through it and get to the root cause as we prepare for¬†baby’s arrival.

I’m officially 16 weeks today. ūüôā ‚̧

The pukefest continues…

Remember how I said I was feeling better? That didn’t last long.

Thursday, I had a bad day. Didn’t puke a lot but felt nauseous all day. I ran out of my Zofran prescription on Friday and lasted all day Saturday¬†before major puking episodes started again. Saturday, I only puked once.¬†Yesterday afternoon, I couldn’t keep anything down after lunch. Today, I ended up calling in sick as I puked probably 10X before noon.

I called my favourite receptionist TWICE today. She said that she had left a note on the OB’s desk last week, but that he was really behind on them. She said she would mark it as URGENT and move it to the top of the pile. I called back end of day and she said there was nothing she could do until she spoke to him after the day’s appointments were done. Clearly, this woman has NEVER been prego sick and is STILL working on that office assertiveness that she is lacking. I got a bit short with her today. I told her¬†I would have came in for an appointment last week, but she told me this could be handled over the phone. Then I said, if I don’t get my prescription filled today, I’ll be calling for an appointment tomorrow and most likely a doctor’s note for missing more time off work. ¬†ūüė¶

The fantastic news is: since I’ve stopped Zofran, I’ve had regular poops!!!! That being said, I’ll take marbles out of my ass if it means my head isn’t hung over the toilet all day long. ūüôā

I have some Diclectin left. I may pop a few tomorrow, but I really didn’t enjoy the zombie fog that comes along with it.

On Saturday, I was feeling optimistic that I could make it without any anti-nausea medicine. After today, I know I need to do what I need to do to get my work done. We are in the planning phases of a big project at work and I can’t take much time off right now (plus I’m most likely travelling again next week).

I get so frustrated when I get sick, but I keep telling myself life must want me to slow down for the sake of this baby. :/ I’m trying here… but a break that lasts longer than 24 hours would be really nice.

Are things actually looking up?

I’ve lowered my Zofran dose to 1 pill/day. I’m running out of my prescription, so I lowered the dose to ensure I could make it a few more days. I did call my OB’s office for a refill, but we all know how reliable his receptionist can be without persistent nagging… :/

Anyway, I HAVEN’T PUKED SINCE SUNDAY! I’ve dry heaved a few times in the morning. I’ve also had some on and off nausea throughout the day. But, this new-found non-puking stage is awesome! Maybe I just needed my rant on Monday to let it all out and transition into the feeling better version of me? ¬†I’m honestly hoping last week was the worst of the worst and that things are looking up from here. After 7+ weeks of nausea and puking, I’m ready for it to be over!

Also, I found a barely used Halo Bassinet on kijiji for HALF PRICE! I thought this bassinet seemed silly and overpriced until I seen my nephew in it. It adjusts to the height of your bed, swivels for easy access to bed, has see-through mesh to see the baby, etc.¬†The model we got has all the electronic features (which I don’t know how often I will use) and retails brand new in Canada for approximately $300. She also included the fitted mattress sheet which is sold separately.¬†We did splurge a bit more than I had anticipated to get this bassinet, but I just couldn’t pass up the deal!

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I’ve been nervous about early sleeping arrangements as our fur-rascals all sleep with us. The last thing I need is battling 2 chihuahuas and a Ragdoll to get out of the bed when I have a newborn. I’ve just decided it may be easier to let them sleep with us. I wanted something to secure baby, but also keep him within arms reach. We don’t have a lot of width to our bedroom. Moving a pack ‘n play or crib into our room would not work. We tried the bassinet out and it fits perfectly on my side of the bed.

So there you have it:

  1. I’m feeling better
  2. Baby has somewhere to sleep

I call that success!

14 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 14 weeks and 5 days

Meds: All taken daily ‚Äď Zofran¬†(3 pills daily). Switched to gummy multi-vitamins. Will resume regular pre-natal vitamins once stomach can handle them again. Switch from 2 Ducolax tablets to Restorolax (aka Miralax in the US) to aid with the constipation.¬†Also, taking Gaviscon or Tums as required for heartburn. Will try the baking soda + water remedy tonight. Thanks for the suggestions ladies! Will let you know how it all works.

Baby is the size of: a peach

Best Moment This Week: Not necessarily the best, but certainly the most classic: peeing myself while puking

Total Weight Gain: +6 lbs Рhave not gained in a week or two.

Maternity Clothes: My biggest challenge has been finding semi-dressy clothes to wear on business trips. My head office is fairly casual, but our other office is dressier. I currently do not fit into any of my dress clothes. Yesterday, I purchased a new maternity dress and skirt from Old Navy. Our selection in Canada is VERY LIMITED compared to the USA.

Symptoms:  NAUSEA! Puking. Heartburn. BOOHOO!

Sleep: Tossing and turning due to heartburn. Still getting up to pee in the night.

Food Cravings: Apples, blueberries, cheesy breadsticks, ice water, cheesecake

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Brushing my teeth, driving, flying, bending over or getting up too fast, the smell of urine in public bathrooms,

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump:¬†‚ÄúTHE BLUMP‚Ä̬†is getting bigger.

Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Combo of both. Moody on super pukey days. Happy on good days.

Purchases for baby: A santa hat from Old Navy Рon clearance for 97 cents. Bargain shopper! 

Miss Anything?:¬†Enjoying a meal, cuddling with my husband, not feeling constantly bloated, having a good poop, sleeping through the night… basically everything pre-pregnancy. ūüėÄ

Looking forward to: Same as last week Рwhenever this dreaded nausea subsides! Our anatomy/gender scan on May 28. Feeling baby move.

Random update:¬†We haven’t officially gotten our nuchal translucency (NT) scan results back yet. I called my OB office today to get a refill of Zofran. She said my results were in, but since my next appointment isn’t for a few weeks, he would have called if anything of concern came up. Hopefully that means all is well. ūüôā

The truth about being sick during pregnancy

I know every infertile who has yet to conceive HATES those who have crossed over to become annoying, complaining pregos.

Well, the truth is: I am one of them.

I am feeling broken down. I worked so hard for years while trying to conceive to eat healthy, get my insides working properly and balance my system.

Now, I feel like a pile of shit.

No one tells you that during pregnancy:

  • Morning sickness really means all day sickness and often lasts beyond 1st trimester
  • You will pee yourself
  • Pulling poop chunks out of your bum is nothing to be ashamed of
  • Food is your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time
  • Heartburn is¬†uncontrollable
  • You will never sleep through the night again

At 14.5 weeks pregnant, my sickness¬†has yet to subside. A full dose of Zofran does curb the all day nausea, but I still puke. Don’t even get me started on how well I do with flying (which unfortunately I seem to be doing a lot of lately due to my job). I stole a puke bag from my flight on Friday night and hurled my guts out on the drive home from the airport… which also lead to peeing myself. My body lost control¬†with the consistent heaving.¬†Needless to say, I’m glad to have leather seats and my husband deserves an award for wiping up my piss.

I am taking 2 stool softeners daily to combat the constipation from Zofran, yet I still find myself struggling to push hard marbles out of my ass. I long for the day when it easily slides out again.

My definition of a meal has completely transformed. I used to enjoy food, but now I have to choke down 1 piece of pizza – my former favourite treat. I eat probably 1/4 of what I used to eat per meal. I try to load up on fresh fruits and cold vegetables as much as possible. Fortunately, I’m still craving fruit.

I have immense heartburn that Tums and Gaviscon barely touches (I plan to ask my OB for another remedy). I toss and turn all night long from a mixture of heartburn and the need to pee. I guess this is preparing me for being up with baby, but I haven’t slept through the night since¬†I found out I am pregnant. My shoulders and lower back ache from trying to sleep on my left side – a pregnancy recommendation, but also a good step to combat the heartburn.

I’ve decided to toss the Snoogle aside for a few nights of cuddling. I miss my husband. Having a huge body pillow in between us does not do much for intimacy.

I’m lucky in the sense that I do have glowing skin, but morning nausea means no drive to “get ready”. Curly hair or a pony-tail, no make-up and sweats is my usual style these days when I’m not travelling for work.

I can’t do as much as I used to. Visiting 3 stores¬†yesterday resulted in a puking episode. My husband insisted we had done enough and I come home to rest.

Most days I just want to curl up in a ball and pray that my symptoms subside. I’ve gone from a slightly crunchy all natural person to someone who medicates because, without it, there is no relief. No matter what, I still have a job to do, a house to maintain, and a life to live.

As much as I know “it will all be worth it”, that statement really did not sink in for me until recently. Another IVF friend, who had her baby 1 month ago and was equally as sick as me, stressed the importance of how she would do it all over again in a second. I just need to keep reminding myself that I will forget all about the pains of pregnancy once my baby is in my arms.

Our road to baby has been far from straight and narrow. So, I’m sending it out to the universe that I desire a quick, natural birth. And I damn well think I deserve it.

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13 week bumpdate

How Far Along: 13 weeks and 5 days

Meds: All taken daily ‚Äď Prenatal, Omega + DHA, Vitamin D 2000mg, Vitamin B12, Probiotic, Zofran¬†(3 pills daily)

Honestly, I can barely get my prenatals down these days. They are making me nauseous but it isn’t so bad if I take them with food.¬†I had to increase my Zofran from 1 pill a day to 2 pills a day to the max 3 pills a day. ūüė¶

Baby is the size of: a kiwi

Best Moment This Week:¬†Meeting my 7 week old nephew, smelling that newborn smell and knowing that I get “one of my own” in 6 months.

Total Weight Gain: +5 lbs Рdid not weight myself this week.

Maternity Clothes:¬†Maxi skirts, leggings and sweat pants are my best friends. I have ANOTHER business trip this week. Will be a challenge to find semi-dressy outfits that I can fit into from my own closet (my goal is to NOT buy a bunch of maternity clothes I won’t wear on a regular basis).

Symptoms:¬† NAUSEA! Ughhhhhhhhh. Flying did me in. On Friday, I puked on my one layover and then again once I arrived at my sister’s house. I’ve also realized that I can’t handle the smell of meat cooking or coffee (cue major puking episode). I don’t puke excessively, but I do puke at least 1-2 times a day. I also puked after I landed yesterday and remained nauseous for the rest of the day. I upped my Zofran to 3x a day, but I’m still struggling. It always seems like the “miracle drugs” work perfectly for a few days. Then, my system gets too used to them and the nausea comes back.

Sleep: Oh I missed my snoogle! Still having crazy dreams and getting up to pee throughout the night.

Food Cravings: Kraft dinner, bagels and cream cheese, strawberries

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Brushing my teeth, driving, flying, smell of meat cooking, smell of coffee,

Movement: Too early.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new.

Baby Bump:¬†I’ve decided to call my bump “THE BLUMP” until this B belly decides to round out.

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Gender Prediction: BOY!

Labour Signs: Too early.

Belly Button In or Out?: Innie to start!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On.

Happy or Moody?: Combo of both.

Purchases for baby: Nothing this week, but I did start on a baby registry (which is more my own personal shopping list).

Miss Anything?:¬†Enjoying a meal,¬†sleeping in my own bed (I only get 2 nights home out of 7 this week), salad, having nicely done hair – I’m just too damn lazy/nauseous to blow dry it these days.

Looking forward to:¬†IF¬†Whenever this dreaded nausea subsides! Our anatomy/gender scan on May 28. ‚̧