The question we all want answered

If you are a Grey’s Anatomy fan, you already know that Jackson and April are expecting their first baby.

SPOILER ALERT: Last episode and continuing into tonight’s, they face the news that their baby may be born with a rare and potentially life threatening condition. April refuses to deal with it, then finally opens up to Jackson. I cried as this scene unveiled itself. Seriously heart wrenching!

April’s biggest question is: why would God do such a thing? 

Immediately, I thought of my infertility and pregnancy loss sisters.

It’s not easy to find solace.

How often has the question “why” crossed our minds?

How often have we begged for answers?

Wanted desperately for things to turn around?

Pleaded for hope?… but even hope itself can be a destructive force (which was another topic covered in this episode of Grey’s).

As much as I like to rely on my intuition, I can’t 100% predict what the outcome of this FET cycle will be for us.  No matter which way things go, “why” actually gives me comfort.

I know somewhere down the road, “why” will unveil itself. It may not be tomorrow; it may not be this decade. But one day, I will understand why we faced infertility, why we lost our baby girl and what positive lessons came from all of it.

Not everyone will agree with me, but I do believe there is a reason for this chaos and heartache.

Strength. Compassion. Community.

Whatever it may be.

There is a why.

Have you figured out your why yet? Or even just a part of it?

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25 thoughts on “The question we all want answered

  1. You are right, so many of us, myself included would love an answer to why. I love your faith/belief that one day you will understand the why. I’m personally not so confident that I will ever understand, and I’m not sure that I’d ever be okay with any reason I am presented with. But I am confident that I will survive all of this even if I never understand the reason I faced it.

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    • I think my spiritual beliefs lead to me trust in the why. I know that approach isn’t for everyone – especially since some of my beliefs are not very mainstream at all. I guess at the end of the day, all that really matters is that we keep moving forward – in whatever direction, with whatever belief system we have guiding us. Survival is the ultimate goal. There’s no doubt about that.

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  2. “Can you name the single, worst, most malignant symptom of cancer? It’s hope!” (I heard infertility where she clearly says cancer) This episode made me cry. I pray there is a reason for at least some of the chaos. I love your positive outlook on this. I look forward to that day I learn “why”…for all of us!

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  3. I have not figured out my why, but my current state isn’t slowing me too. I too believe everything happens for a reason, I’m spiritual yet not at all religious if that makes sense. I’m so glad that your so calm and relaxed this cycle. I can’t wait for your updates. I’ll watch Greys tomorrow cause I missed it tonight?

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  4. On December 12 I became the adoptive mom to Elliot. There were many circumstances that led to his birth parents choosing us. If ANYTHING had happened differently than it did, I would not have this sweet baby in my arms. I wouldn’t trade him for a bio child any day of the week.

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  5. I don’t know if I know my whole why, but I believe part of why we are going through this was to lead us down the road of adoption. I’ve always wanted to adopt but I don’t know if I would have actually done it (especially because of finances) if infertility hadn’t happened.

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  6. I had some of the same thoughts watching Grey’s last night! As I was drifting to sleep, I started to thinking of how to tie it into a blog post. “Why?” is a question I ask myself often.

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  7. I had time this morning to write them out- yay! I’ll probably post it over the weekend. Oh, and I’m really glad to know I’m not the only one who still watches Greys. Sometimes people look at me weird when I say I have to rush home on Thursdays for it. Hahaha.

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  8. Agreed. Everyone faces hardships in life. This is one of mine. If it wasn’t going to be infertility, it would’ve been something else. That doesn’t make me like it, but it helps me accept it. Thinking of you every day!!! ✌️<– crossing these fingers!!!

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