Random infertile moments during the Christmas season

That moment when…

you find yourself analysing every Facebook photo that features a woman at a Christmas party. You wonder if that dress is a little snug due to a few too many Christmas goodies or if she is starting to show a baby bump. You justify this craziness by telling yourself that figuring it out on your own will better prepare you for random pregnancy announcements.

That moment when…

You stop by Target and run into a friend you haven’t seen her since before she announced her “whoopsie” pregnancy. You make very brief small talk before saying you gotta run. While picking out a gift bag in the next aisle over, you overhear that prego ran into another friend. That friend raves on and on about how great prego looks and how excited she must be for the baby to arrive in a few weeks. You grab the next gift bag you look at and make a mad dash for the self check-out tills – only to end up having prego in the line behind you. AHHHH! 

That moment when…

You FINALLY made it through In-law Christmas Extravaganza. You didn’t cry. You didn’t scream. You even used positive affirmations when faced with annoying children talk. You did it!

On the way home from the last supper of the weekend, you open Facebook and discover a good friend – who you didn’t know was pregnant – posted their announcement. Whomp, whomp, whomp. 

This particular friend was so angry when you got engaged because her and her boyfriend had been together for years longer. She felt jipped. She felt like it was her turn.

Fuck you universe. This one is NOT funny. 

You write “Congratulations” because that’s the kind of friend you are. Even if it hurts, you are happy for them. Then, you turn off the post notifications and tell Facebook, “I don’t want to see this”.

That moment when…

Your pregnant best friend sends the photo from her 1st ultrasound to you. You are glad she is willing to share her excitement with you, but each time, it brings you back to your little angel. You realize that you would have been 18 weeks pregnant this Christmas week… would have been… 

That moment when…

You hear this song on the radio and burst into tears. It has a completely different context for you this Christmas. 😦

Merry Christmas to all the aching (in)fertiles and grieving mothers out there. May your days be merry and bright… and may all pregnancy-related things be out of sight! ❤


22 thoughts on “Random infertile moments during the Christmas season

  1. I understand these feelings and have these moments frequently albeit with strangers mostly. I can now tell a slight bulge of the waist as pregnancy or not in an instant. Ugh I’m so sorry your having so many of these moments.


  2. Sending you lots of love and engery. Christmas is always a little rough, but only a few more days! This year is a little different for us now that we are activley going through the RE and seeking treatments, though its been 11 years. I always thought I was this hyper sensative, but this past weekend was kind of rough! Facebook might as well be called “everyone is having a baby next year except you.” I’m THIS close to taking it off my phone. And whats kind of fusterating (for me at least) is that the husbands try to understand but they dont entirely. They want to say the right things, but they dont and sometimes make it worse “you just have to get over it.” ugh. Praying that WE ALL Get through the next couple of days. We are stronger for this, and we will get through this!


  3. Thinking of you. I am sorry for the triggers. It is a very tough time of year when grieving losses. I hope you can look forward to your FET come the new year and keep caring for and being gentle with yourself in the weeks from now to then.


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