Christmas gifts for the fertility-crazed woman on your list

Do you need a gift for that trying to conceive (TTC) woman on your list? Look no further! Here’s my Top 7 Gifts for the fertility-crazed woman on your list:

1. The Bible of Fertility

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler is the bible of fertility. I swear every girl should be handed one of these upon receiving her bright red entrance into womanhood. This book teaches you how to recognize your body’s fertile signs, how to track your cycles and best of all, when is your prime time to get knocked up!

I say knocked up because let’s face it. If you’ve read this book and a few months later you still can’t get pregnant, you either 1) didn’t read the book or 2) should see a fertility specialist.


2. A Basal Thermometer

Precise is how we like it. This handy device gives an exact temperature reading at the most inconvenient – to be the most accurate – time of the day. Who honestly wakes up at the SAME time every day? I may have given up temping a long time ago, but this gift is ideal for both beginners and expert TTC-ers.


3. Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs)

Not to be mistaken for pregnancy test strips, these handy pee sticks predict when your precious egg is most likely to be journeying down your tubes in search of Prince Spermy. Never miss an ovulation! Stock up and save as you often need 5-7 per month to figure out your prime ovulatory time. Once again, me + OPKS = a love/hate relationship. However, many women find these do the trick to help them know when to get down and dirty!


4. Pre-seed Lubricant

The fertility-friendly lube juices up his swimmers to reach that prime Grade A egg faster and more effectively. Plus, it adds a little extra slip to the slide. We all know it’s harder to get in the mood when sexual intercourse is scheduled because YOU ARE OVULATING LIKE RIGHT NOW!


5. A Notebook or Journal

Every crazed TTC-er tracks, records and takes notes. From morning temps to cycle days to fertility appointments, there is ALWAYS something to remember. Find a notebook with an inspirational saying on it like, “Go get ’em Tiger”, “You Go Girl!”, or “Don’t lose hope”. Bonus points if it has a fertility symbol on the front like a butterfly, a lotus flower, an elephant, a pomegranate, or the moon (Bet ya wanna google the significance behind those now. Don’t ya?) .

Honestly though, I highly recommend Justine’s Ever Upward Journal.


6. Pregnancy Tests

First Response Early Response (aka FRER) Pregnancy Tests ensure a timely and accurate result. We don’t want no Dollar Store cheapies. Go big or go home. Actually, fuck it. Cross everything else off the list and ONLY BUY FRERS. Your dear fertile crazed friend will love you forever if you give them a Santa sack full of these pink pretties.



Alright, I’m joking.

Ok, I’m kind of not joking. 

But seriously, a baby would complete her world. This is the ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS GIFT!

No questions asked about how you received or where the baby came from. Non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) can be signed upon delivery. 😀 


BONUS FOR HIM: How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup

Once you past the point of no return (meaning: infertile), it’s inevitable that the male partner (or sperm donor) will have to either get his junk tested or provide a sample to do the magic deed (meaning: insemination). Gift him this special read to prepare him for his worst nightmare: How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup: A Guy’s Guide to the World of Infertility by Greg Wolfe


Or you could give him a porno mag. They always say the spank bank rooms have the most outdated materials. 😛

Happy holidays! ❤




14 thoughts on “Christmas gifts for the fertility-crazed woman on your list

  1. I have this vivid picture in my head of opening one of these presents surrounded by family – I think I’d have a heart attack opening any sort of gift wrapped pee stick with my dad in the room! Or maybe he’d have the heart attack and I’d just kill myself laughing. 🙂
    Seriously, great list!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s