I just came across this article on Facebook: Bobbie Thomas: No more whispers, I’m going IVF and I’m proud of it. What stood out for me was her pride. Proud of IVF? Huh?
In vitro fertilization (IVF).
Fear, guilt, shame, why me?
That’s the zone I’ve been living in lately.
Now, it’s time to change.
Earlier this week, I watched a webinar hosted by Zahra Haji from YogaGoddess and Molly Nichols from The Mind Belly Connection. The webinar focused on how to restore faith in your body’s ability to conceive, whether through natural conception or ART. If you are interested, watch the Fertility Faith webinar replay.
This webinar made me rethink the way I’ve approached my (in)fertility. I’ve spent too much time focusing on the negatives and looking for outsider reassurance that everything will be ok.
The change needs to come from within me – and me only.
Changing my mindset isn’t an easy task, but it’s necessary to make this journey less emotionally taxing.
(In)fertility is not dirty or shameful. It’s a medical condition that many of us can not control and could not have prevented.
I am proud of my husband and myself. We are strong. We are capable. And, we are taking control of our diagnosis by choosing the next best path for us on our journey.
To me, IVF means:
- Hope
- Courage
- Strength
- Determination
- The right choice
IVF is not the worst thing to happen to me. In fact, it could be the best thing if it helps us to conceive our child.
What does IVF mean to you?
Awaiting Autumn 
Infertility is part of who I am. I would not wish it on anyone but it has made me a stronger person. It has also helped me learn how to count my blessings and remain positive even after disappointment after disappointment. We are starting our very first IVF soon and I am completely open about it and proud that we have decided to take this step.
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Pride is something I’m still trying to grasp but I hope to get there. You sound so positive Jennie! When are you starting IVF?
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In August we are going to start the whole process. If all goes ok, we will do our retrieval in September. We have decided to have the eggs genetically tested which means they have to be frozen (we have to send them off), so the transfer will hopefully be September. We no not have any specific risks or anything and I am not that old (31) but we figured we are going to do everything we can and give it our best shot. Our insurance is amazing (the only thing it does not cover at 90% is the genetic testing which is 4K). Bring it on IVF!!
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You do have amazing insurance! All that is covered for us is drugs up to 80%, We have our consult on July 8th. I’m hoping we start in August or September. Like you, I’m not that old either only 29. My husband is almost 32. Looking forward to hearing more about your IVF journey! GOOD LUCK! 🙂
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I totally hear ya, the pride thing is the part that gets me too….but you’re spot on, might as well own it! I’m hoping your consult goes well. Looking forward to following your IVF journey (hopefully it’s a VERY SHORT one!!!).
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Saw this article and LOVE IT! XO
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For some reason I never hid any part of our infertility.. 5+ years of it from clomid to IVF and everything in between. I’ve never been one to hide things because of embarrassment or “what ifs”. I’d rather have people supporting me, cheering me on and praying for me. I did have some friends that expressed concern/dislike for IVF. They told me that perhaps my body wasn’t getting pregnant for a reason. Not everyone agreed with my choices, not everyone was there to support me in the end. It really does bring out your true friends when you become an open book about your struggles but I’d rather have a few great ones than lots of fake ones! Instead of feeling embarrassed, I felt blessed to live in a time where this is even an option!! Love your last paragraph. Just remember those words you said!
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I’ve also been quite vocal about our situation, but so often people don’t know how to respond or don’t want to discuss it. We ARE BLESSED to live at a time when we have so many options. My aunt and uncle never had children because back in the 60s-70s, they weren’t able to pursue it as far as we can. Stay vocal. As your success story has been an inspiration for me and will be for so many other women. How are those little babies anyway?
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I totally agree with people not knowing how to respond! We know a few older couple who were in the same boat that never got to have their own children. Breaks my heart. Babies are doing well. I guess I need to post soon! Yesterday was 1/2 way to our goal date 😊
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Love you and this post.
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Thank you. ❤ I know positivity isn't the key to success (and you have had your fair share of that), but I'd rather be somewhat happy than ultimately depressed. We will overcome this. Once this storm ends, there are bright little babies and a rainbow. 🙂 Did you get any answers yet?
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Any answer from my RE? He did email to say he’s out of town but will respond in detail when he gets back next week. My Dr. prescribed a crap load of steroids. Am I missing the gist of your question?
I don’t think much of Mary Poppins thinking at a;; costs, but reframing how we view things is the original “paradigm shift” and can mean big changes at the cellular level. My last 6 pregnancies have failed but I wonder if I would have even gotten pregnant some of the more recent times knowing what I know now it weren’t for reframing IVF as hope, opportunity, a real shot at success. If I had to choose one word for IVF for me right now, I’d say “fail”. But if I had to choose one word only for IVF overall or for others not in my current shoes (and I can’t wait to change shoes!), the word would be “hope”. No guarantees, but a bona fide, tangible source of hope. There are a LOT of success stories (we’ve seen and celebrated many over the past year alone, right?), even if some of us can’t share that joy… yet.
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You answered the question right! I thought your doc would be back before the weekend, not after.
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It’s something I fight for my recovery from every day.
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It sounds like you’ve chosen to be more open and positive about it already. You should be proud of yourself for just making the effort. I think IVF is a Nobel choice and a very good one that I hope more people can access if need be. I really wish you and your husband all the luck in the world with this upcoming change in your journey!
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Thank you 🙂
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I am still in the “fear” and “why me?” stage. I still really can’t believe that we about to embark on this journey. I never would have thought in a million years that we would be in this situation. I guess it will take some getting used to. As for the shame aspect, I never felt that. I am not embarrassed about our infertility, I just wish it would go away. Ha ha. I think the more we open up to people around us the less stigma there will be (hopefully). Best of luck in your IVF journey!!!
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I totally agree. There is such a stigma about infertility because so many people have kept their stories secret. I hope that sharing ours will help to eliminate that.
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I decided early on that I would own our infertility and IVF with pride. I know not everyone can do that, though. Part of it for me is the novelty. I’m the only one of my friends and family who have used ART – publically, at least. My cousin and his wife did 2 rounds of IVF before adopting. But they kept it all under wraps. Even now, they won’t talk about it. So, my husband and I are unique in our families, not only because we did IVF, but because we were open about it. I love telling people, even strangers. I’m sure some are getting sick of it, but I don’t care. 🙂
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Your openness will be such a positive for future friends and family who face infertility. I know we only knew of one other couple in the family before starting on our journey as well.
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Oh, I meant to answer your question, What does IVF mean to me? Real hope. Not something-to-cling-to-because-I’m-afraid-of-falling-into-the-abyss hope, but we-actually-have-a-real-chance-at-this hope. After learning that I was pregnant after IVF, it meant a very real chance at starting our family. Knowing we have 3 embryos on ice means we have a chance at the family we had always envisioned. IVF is the best thing that has happened to us.
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That makes me feel so good! It’s the positive life changing stories that fuel the real hope. 🙂
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At first I felt angry and a little ashamed. Not ashamed to go through IVF myself but worried that people would judge me. Some people frown upon IVF or just don’t know much about it. I decided to embrace it and let my friends and family in on the journey. I shared photos of my medications, talked openly about costs and about the toll this took on us physically, emotionally and financially. I invited my close friends and fam to like the resolve page Facebook so they can have insight into my world. It felt so good to come out of the infertility closet so to speak and own this part of my life. It make it easier to go through and felt like we had so many people in our corner rooting for us and praying for success. Ultimately, I had people giving me hope when I thought I had lost it.
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I would have to go with determination. IVF was the best and most appropriate option for me and I thank god every day for ivf giving me my miracle son. I’m proud and not afraid to talk about it either!!! Go girls!!!!!! Xx
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