Planning for the unplanned

This fertility journey has taught me one thing above all others: planning doesn’t always go as planned.

I’ve always been a planner. I had wedding magazines before I was engaged, and baby books before we were married. I find it extremely satisfying to take a vision from my head and turn it into reality. Wedding planning, home renovating, baby making… it all excites me.

I initially wanted to start trying to conceive right after we got married in September 2011. My husband wanted to wait a year.

So, we did.

A year later, we started trying.

At first, I hoped to get pregnant when we were on vacation for my brother’s wedding.

Then, I hoped to be pregnant to tell my parents at Christmas.

As the months passed by, each major “maybe I’ll be pregnant” milestone faded quickly into the shadows of the situation: I am not going to be able to plan the conception of our baby.

And now, two years later, we are still waiting.

This afternoon, we found out that we need to replace both our furnace and our gas fireplace. My initial reaction was OMG I was NOT planning for this. My hubby kindly reminded me that you can’t plan for all of the twists and turns that life takes.

On Thursday, I have my HSG test. This is one of the last tests to rule out any probable causes of female infertility. It also gives us a higher chance of conceiving for the next 3 months (BEST NEWS EVER!).

Next Tuesday, I start follicle monitoring with my fertility specialist. I’ll have cleared out tubes and a doctor’s opinion on when ovulation will occur. It’s prime time!

I can’t plan what the next month will bring, but I can focus on the most positive outcomes. Because we’re done waiting. We’re ready for you baby – new furnace and all. 🙂

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The baby waiting game

Meriam-Webster defines wait as:

wait \ verb \ˈwāt\

: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.

: to not do something until something else happens

: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon

12 months? 14 Months? 24 Months? How about my whole frickin’ life!!!

Waiting.

For.

My.

Baby.

Tomorrow, we have our first appointment with the fertility specialist. It’s been 4.5 months of waiting to get in.

Patience is a virtue. I feel as if I’ve perfected it, but really the waiting game isn’t about perfecting anything except the ability to let go.

Let go of the:

  • Stupid people asking stupid questions
  • Symptom checking
  • Pressure
  • Schedule
  • Hurt
  • Why me?
  • Disappointment and tears every time your period arrives

And instead, look forward to the:

  • Positive test
  • Excitement
  • Belly
  • Baby room decorating
  • Birth planning
  • Anticipation
  • First look
  • First touch
  • First cry

Look forward to spending the rest of your life loving your child, this individual soul who chose you and whose tiny body was conceived from love.

Look forward to the future. It will happen. And I am looking forward to when it does. *sigh*