How do you stay positive while trying to conceive?

CD5. Clomid Day 1. Pending IUI #2.

Let’s get this cycle started!

It’s every (in)fertile’s favourite time again: CLOMID CRAZY TIME!

I popped that little magical pill again this morning. So far, so good. I feel my ovaries slightly but it’s hardly as noticeable as it has been before.

This is my 3rd cycle on Clomid.

When I spoke to the nurse from my clinic earlier this week, she said we should meet with the RE to discuss potentially switching to something other than Clomid next month. …if there is a next month.

My mom and my best friends keep encouraging me to use positive words, to keep replaying those positive visualizations over and over again in my head.

On the fertility forums, I read posts that say, “you are pregnant until the beta says you aren’t!” Really? But if I’m not, I’m NOT!

Doesn’t incessant positiveness drive a person mad if the outcome is always the opposite of what’s desired? Where’s the happy medium? And how do I get there?

I mentioned previously that I believe in divine timing, but it’s hard when the drugs and appointments force you to stay focused. You put in so much effort, never knowing what the outcome will be.

That’s the one thing I’m struggling with right now: how do you stay positive?

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2ww update: positive visualization vs. realistic pessimism

CD22. 8dpIUI. 6 days til beta. 

I sorta tested out my HCG trigger.The sensitive internet cheapie showed just the faintest line yesterday at 9 days post trigger.

I’m contributing my feeling better to the lack of HCG in my body. It really dragged me down last weekend. I was exhausted, depressed and alternating between the chills and extreme hot flashes. I’m experiencing the typical progesterone side effects,  plus this afternoon I noticed some light pink discharge. It didn’t appear until I was doing an internal CM check, but it was enough that it showed up a bit on my panty liner after I got home from work.

Could this be implantation? 8dpIUI would make sense… or is my cervix just irritated from the progesterone pills I’ve been popping up there 2x day? Or maybe it was my finger? Why can’t anything be straightforward when taking fertility drugs? 

I’ve also been visualizing implantation. Each time I feel a twinge, I speak to my uterus and the fertilized egg. 

Uterus: you are soft, lush, warm and welcoming.

Egg: welcome home! Momma is sooooooo ready for you. Bury in deep and get comfortable. You are in for the long run. 

Visualization is just a mind fuck as I keep telling myself and my family that I’m NOT pregnant. I feel like having low expectations may lessen the blow if we get another BFN or it could make the BFP even that much more special. I appreciate that my parents care, but I hate when people ask me how things are going as my cycle draws to an end.  My mom always tries to be encouraging right up until my flow starts. At that point, I can tell the game is over.  BFN after BFN, it becomes highly unlikely that my uterus will magically stop contracting and implant an invisible egg.

I guess time will tell which method is more effective: positive visualization vs. realistic pessimism. Maybe next month, I should try just ONE at a time and not both? 

As of now, I’ve decide to ignore all symptoms and POAS on Sunday, 12dpIUI. I can’t bear going into the beta on Tuesday not having an feeling either way. Knowing me, I’ll probably POAS on Monday again.

I have a few sensitive cheapies left and I stocked up on the Costco pack of Clearblues. I’ve read that Clearblue has a higher evap rate, but the Costco pack is half the price of a 2 pack of FRER. I’ll take my chances. 

Good luck to all you other ladies starting your cycles, entering your 2ww or getting ready to test. Last month, lots of women seemed to be successful. It’s bound to happen for at least one of us this month. 

Baby dust! Xo.