Confessions of an (in)fertile: Part 1

  1. I check the weekly drug store flyers to see if pregnancy tests are on sale.
  2. I want to bitch slap every person who says “you just need to relax”.
  3. I can’t help but wonder why I am on this journey. What did I do to deserve (in)fertility?
  4. Before I schedule a business trip,  I check to see if the dates conflict with ovulation time.
  5. In fact, my ENTIRE monthly schedule revolves around my menstrual cycle.
  6. I’m glad I grew up using non-applicator tampons as I have no problem shoving  progresterone pills up by vajay-jay (the higher the better!)
  7. I think cervical mucus changes are fascinating. And yes, I have taken a photo of my mucus before. Weird, I know. 
  8. When my RE suggested I could lose some weight, I thought screw you bitch, you are bigger than me! Oh but it probably wasn’t an issue because you conceived naturally. I see. 
  9. I will NOT ditch my (future) children at the grandparents every weekend “because I need a break”.
  10. I’ve bought shirts specifically because they have room to hide a prego bump… when I get one. 

Why does Aunt Flo have to be such a sneaky bitch?

Aunt Flo and I have a love-hate relationship.

I hate it when she arrives. And she loves to taunt me by acting like she’s about to come… and then she goes away… but then she’s back!

When I came off the pill 2 years ago, my cycles were completely out of whack. Many naturopath and acupuncture appointments later, my cycles are the best they have ever been. I still experience a few days of brown spotting before my period, but it always moves into a nice red flow.

This cycle, it doesn’t seem to matter how much I pray for help. My period is stagnant.

Please Aunt Flo! Just arrive now! I feel the cramps. I’m exhausted. Yes, I also noticed those beautiful zits that so graciously popped up on my face! I’m ready for you and I’m not even upset this time.

Hello? Are you there Aunt Flo?

Ok then, Guardian Angels? 

God?

Anyone?

Just please make my period start! 

This morning, I went to the bathroom, did my business and wiped to find red. Sweet! Period has arrived.

Return to bathroom a few hours later to find… nothing?

This isn’t new. It’s been happening on and off during my fertility journey. Thank you Aunt Flo for tormenting me. It’s not like in(fertility) is challenging enough or anything!!!

I was originally worried that I had an inadequate luteal phase (still to be determined). Since it’s 13 DPO and my flow hasn’t started yet, I’m probably wrong.

Aunt Flo’s right around the corner. I just don’t get why we have to play this game of hide and seek.

Hello Period?!? You can arrive any time now

I’ve decided that the 2 week wait is (in)fertile purgatory.

5 days ago, I did the Progesterone blood work. My specialist called personally to tell me the results were good; although, she wouldn’t give me an exact figure besides above 4. This means I ovulated on my own. As for timing, we nailed it or he nailed me? However you want to put it.

I’m 12 DPO. Had some very slight cramps on the weekend that were more like sharp twinges. My discharge is slightly tinged if I check but nothing I can even call spotting yet. Not much of anything in terms of symptoms except I was tired yesterday. I can’t play the symptom game though. I’ve done that to myself way too many months. Each time it is always a huge mind fuck when my period finally arrives.

I got a BFN on 8DPO and 11 DPO. I didn’t bother testing today as I’m trying to wait 2-3 days in between.

My wonderful period app (that literally is an encyclopaedia of my menstrual cycles for the past 2 years) is kindly telling me that I’m 1 day late. But really, I know it’s wrong. It predicts my cycles on an average, but I ovulated a few days later this month. Can’t say my period is officially late until Thursday. It’s only Monday.

My gut tells me Aunt Flo is on her way. And for once, I’m actually ok with that. Lindsey – That means no tears when you see the red. Can you handle that? 

I just want to call the clinic and tell them it’s here! I want to get our first IUI cycle started and move (hopefully) one step closer to our baby.