I changed my Facebook profile photo today. I got new glasses, so most people will assume that’s the reason why.
But really, I changed it because I couldn’t bear to think that it was hurting someone else.
You see I’m an admin on our local infertility support Facebook group. A few weeks ago, I changed my photo to one of Wyatt and I. In the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was having a good hair day and a cuddle with my son.
Since then, I cringe every time I post in the group and see my little profile icon with that image of me as a mother. I know there are so many other women in that group longing for what I have.
I just can’t do it. I can’t flaunt my transition beyond infertility even if some think my story may inspire and give hope. I know all too well that photos like that poke at the emptiness in your heart when you are longing for your own baby to cuddle.
I love my son beyond words, but that doesn’t take away the past. I know how much it used to hurt, how much it can still hurt reflecting back on where we’ve been and how far we’ve come. I know exactly how it feels for every woman in that group still waiting for their babies. And I don’t want to inflict any more suffering on them… even if a profile photo is such a subtle gesture.
For now, I’ll limit my profile photo to be a solo shot of me. I’ll use my cover photo for the family or baby pics as it’s not so in your face.
And I’ll keep hoping and praying that each and every one of those women find joy and happiness no matter where their journey leads them. ❤