I’m not insensitive, I’m just (in)fertile

Every (in)fertile cringes upon hearing baby announcements, but it always seems harder to deal with when it’s closer to home.

Our experiences include:

  • My husband’s brother and his wife announcing their 1st pregnancy two weeks before our wedding. Yes, I did think she was trying to steal my thunder. She got pregnant within weeks of her own wedding, 3 months prior.
  • The same sister-in-law announcing their 2nd pregnancy 5 months after we start actively trying to conceive. Surprisingly, I handled this one well. Hubby – not so much.
  • My little brother and his wife announcing their 1st pregnancy – after trying for only 1 month – on the same day we receive our appointment date with the fertility specialist. *cue the extra-strength, double-force water works* I should own stock in Kleenex.

Timing is never perfect… except for anyone who hasn’t experienced (in)fertility.

Last night, my brother emailed me their 20-ish week ultrasound photos. Great! I just got home from picking up my fertility drug prescriptions. Can’t wait to look at your alien baby!

As the photos loaded on my cell phone screen, my mindset changed. With toes, ears and a nose, this baby is beginning to look more human than alien.

My resentment towards my brother and his wife turned into a bubble and drifted away until it finally popped. The feeling was gone.

I am actually looking forward to meeting this little person.

This little soul has no ties. Their intention is pure. Their innocence is real. They deserve my love.

I keep reminding myself that my brother can’t help it. He and his wife are excited for their new baby to arrive and I know I will feel the same way when it’s our turn.

To my brother, his wife and anyone else who will share their pregnancy experiences with us while we undergoing fertility treatments:

Please don’t take it personally if I don’t initially react the way you expect or if I take an extra day to respond. I will share in your joy. I just need to process my ego, so that my true love and light can find their way to the surface. 

Thank you for understanding – even if you truly don’t.