Motherhood Part Two: The biggest surprise of my life

It’s been months since I’ve put words on this page.

Life has changed drastically.

Wyatt, my beautiful IVF rainbow baby, is now almost 23 months old.

And I’m just over 9 weeks pregnant.

Shocking. I know. 

I should have seen it coming. I had so many signs from the universe.

Deep down, I believed it was possible. I longed for it to happen.

But…

My conscious mind didn’t want to go there. I was protecting my heart after many agonizing years of trying to have a child. It was safer to believe it couldn’t happen.

On August 3rd when I took a pregnancy test, I was shocked to see two lines. I actually think I was in literal shock for over 48 hours.

It was difficult navigating the health care system as an (in)fertile who conceived spontaneously. My fertility clinic told me to go to my family doctor. The family doctor didn’t believe that I ovulated when I thought I did, obviously late in the cycle due to breastfeeding.

Why can’t we trust a mother’s intuition? Why don’t doctor’s believe that a woman can know her body? 

They booked me in for a much-too-early scan which just created fear and anxiety.

We were even earlier along than we thought.

I found it ironic that I had tested on the first probable day I could have gotten a faint positive.

We waited for our next scan just before 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat.

Relief, but the fear still needs to be tamed. 

If we are blessed to receive this gift, are we destined to keep it?

My heart, my body, my soul – all say yes.

One day at a time, Lindsey.

 

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Battling the first trimester nausea

It still feels surreal that I’m 9 weeks, 1 day pregnant. I’m not sure when everything will sink in deeper. Perhaps once I’m out of the first trimester and feeling better?

I’ve been feeling shitty, really shitty.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs: “Seriously?!!?! This is what the first trimester is about?!?!

After all we’ve been through, anyone who did fertility treatments or struggled with loss should get a free pass for a smooth and sick-free first trimester. As women, we truly go through a lot to bring our children into this world.

I have mad respect for any woman who is pregnant while raising other children, or pregnant as a teacher, or a nurse, or any other job that requires activity throughout the day. These women have stamina like no other. To the women who are dealing with the severe sickness known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum: you deserve the Ultimate Mother Award.

I just work my office job and go home exhausted every night.

I wake up nauseous. I stay nauseous. I go to sleep nauseous.

I dry heave, but I’ve only puked twice. That ain’t so bad.

I’m also damn stubborn, so I refuse to take Diclectin. I bought the Platinum Prenatal Anti-Nausea pills. They are just ginger + B6. So far, they seem to be helping. I’ve also been taking iron supplements and trying to get more protein in my diet which seems to giving me more energy during the day.

I’ve learned the first trimester is about finding a groove that works for you. Mine seems to be living off carbs, preggie pops, peppermint tea and ginger ale with an 8-9pm bedtime and an afternoon nap if I can swing it. 🙂

We had an OB appointment yesterday. He did a happy dance and sang a little song when he realized we were 9 weeks along. Seriously, his personality is why I enjoy seeing this guy. My husband and I get such a kick out of him.

I am so grateful to be 9 weeks pregnant. Each day we progress is an accomplishment. And deep down, as much as I hate being sick, I appreciate knowing that my little man is growing. Crazy (in)fertiles always look for validation! Haha

Do you have any other tips to combat the nausea? I’m doing the crackers in the morning, but they only hold me off for a bit.

Pregnant vomit