Unspoken thoughts on why I choose to parent

I can hold him. Mom can have a break”. 

What if this Mom doesn’t want a break?

Not wanting a break must sound weird to you. I mean it’s not that I don’t need a break sometimes. It’s just that I want it on my own terms.

Nothing about our journey through infertility and pregnancy loss was on our terms. We waited and hoped and prayed for our children to join us, but the timing was beyond our control.

I long to hold my daughter, the one I only held in my womb. So, I hold my son a little longer, a little closer, a little tighter to make up for it… even if nothing can ever make up for never getting to hold your child.

I’m not sure you get how much being with my son means to me. Nothing satisfies me more than cuddles, snuggles, balancing him on one hip, and carrying him close in the Lenny. The arrival of our son is a dream come true. When you’ve spent years wishing and wanting, you don’t always need an escape.

I appreciate every minute of every day I get with him – even the ones when I’m tired or he’s cranky. Especially because I know there’s another woman out there longing and waiting for the same experiences.

Thank you for the offer, but today I don’t need a break. I need to take care of him. I need him close.

Some may call me selfish, but I know how lucky I am. I also know how uncertain life is. So today, I’m taking full advantage of being a mother. Because I can. Because I want to. Because I deserve it.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Unspoken thoughts on why I choose to parent

  1. My mom is constantly trying to “give me a break” and I just don’t want one. If I need an hour or two I can escape to my bedroom and then my husband has some daddy-daughter time. I’m sure at some point I’ll need more than that, but it’s been more than nine months and I’m not there yet.

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  2. Love this! I feel the exact same way! Even DeWayne something about me taking a break and leaving the house for something “fun”. But holding her and being a mom is the something “fun” I have waited years for!

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  3. I feel the same way. I miss carrying Dumplin’ in the womb too- that closeness, and feeling like I am able to always protect him. I love holding and snuggling my boy, which is why I miss bedsharing soooooooooooooo much. When my in-laws come to “help” they usually take on babysitting roles, rather than household chores or cooking, which is kinda frustrating. Last weekend they came over and didn’t help make any meals or do dishes. I ended up basically making breakfast, and cooking two Easter dinners while DW did laundry and tidied up the house. I guess in their minds, they’re helping by keeping the baby busy (which I definitely appreciate), but it would also be nice if they brought some meals that we could all share together too, or helped with cleaning a bathroom or something so that we can relax with the baby!

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  4. I get this!! I already tell Baby MPB that Mommy is always going to hold on a little tighter and a little longer. Like you, I will always remember the path to bring him into our lives, and I will always be grateful for every second I get to hold him, to snuggle him and to simply love him with my entire being.

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  5. I hear you! I didn’t have any IF issues with making M, but she was nonetheless my long awaited dream come true, and I loved having her with me 24/7. Friends never understood why I was never interested in hiring a sitter so I could go out, or why I never felt the need to get away, or why I wasn’t eager to hand her off when others were around. I also found out annoying to have those comments implying I needed a break. I have often said in response to that “if you WANT to hold her, all you have to do is ask”.

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