“I can hold him. Mom can have a break”.
What if this Mom doesn’t want a break?
Not wanting a break must sound weird to you. I mean it’s not that I don’t need a break sometimes. It’s just that I want it on my own terms.
Nothing about our journey through infertility and pregnancy loss was on our terms. We waited and hoped and prayed for our children to join us, but the timing was beyond our control.
I long to hold my daughter, the one I only held in my womb. So, I hold my son a little longer, a little closer, a little tighter to make up for it… even if nothing can ever make up for never getting to hold your child.
I’m not sure you get how much being with my son means to me. Nothing satisfies me more than cuddles, snuggles, balancing him on one hip, and carrying him close in the Lenny. The arrival of our son is a dream come true. When you’ve spent years wishing and wanting, you don’t always need an escape.
I appreciate every minute of every day I get with him – even the ones when I’m tired or he’s cranky. Especially because I know there’s another woman out there longing and waiting for the same experiences.
Thank you for the offer, but today I don’t need a break. I need to take care of him. I need him close.
Some may call me selfish, but I know how lucky I am. I also know how uncertain life is. So today, I’m taking full advantage of being a mother. Because I can. Because I want to. Because I deserve it.