Hello… Mom? Dad? Are you there?

There’s been something on my mind lately.

My parents don’t seem to really embrace their role as grandparents.

Or maybe it’s that they don’t act like typical grandparents?

Or maybe I need to adjust my expectations of them as grandparents?

Either way, it’s weird.

My parents live in Ontario. We live in Saskatchewan.  I recently asked both my parents if we could do video calls. They have iPhones. My sister has an iPhone. My brother, his wife, my husband and I have Android phones. The best options would be Skype or Google Hangouts since my brother and I can’t Facetime. It’s really not difficult to set one or the other up especially since everyone already has Gmail accounts.

My Mom has yet to respond to any of the messages I’ve sent in regards to video calling (and I’ve sent multiple). My Dad initially told me to just upload videos and email them. Then, he told me if I want to video chat I’ll need to get an iPhone.

It hurts to know that they won’t take 5 minutes to download an app and set it up so that they could actually see their Grandson on a regular basis.

It’s not a matter of being tech savvy. They both know how to use their phones and the laptop very well. I could blame it on my Dad being lazy or my Mom being too busy, but really are those valid excuses?

Just to drive it in a little deeper, my Mom does Facetime with my sister. Of course she would. 

My brother and I talked a lot about it when he visited last week. He only lives 3.5 hours away from my parents, but they haven’t seen them in 8 months (that’s a whole other can of worms though).

They just seem really disengaged as Grandparents and with today’s technology, I don’t really think that location is a limitation.

I’m not really sure what to do about it. It hurts each time they don’t respond to or refute my request. And we all know there’s no logic in repeating something and expecting a different response each time.

I’m not sure opening up about my feelings will get me anywhere. I’ve opened up multiple times on our infertility/pregnancy loss journey and it just seems to push they away further.

I used to joke that my relationship with my Mother-in-law was solely based on what she saw on my social media accounts, but I’m beginning to feel the same way about my own Mother. My Mom commented on my Instagram that she can’t wait to see Wyatt when we visit in June… yes, I said on my Instagram. I haven’t spoken to her on the phone in weeks and I’ve tried to call multiple times.

I’m feeling like I’m holding a tin can with a burnt up string and no one on the other end.

Is this a wake up call? What lesson do I need to learn here?

Hey Universe, I’m ready for the answer. 

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “Hello… Mom? Dad? Are you there?

  1. I don’t really have any answers or advice or words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that your parents don’t communicate the way that you wish they would, for Wyatt’s sake. I hope that they come around for you some time soon. *hugs*

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  2. My mum is the polar opposite of this! She knows, and is genuinely interested in, everything about everything. However my in laws are exactly like your folks. If we don’t initiate contact there’s none. If the babies are having a shouty day then they they find a reason to come off FaceTime (we git them an ipad and an iPhone to make sure we could chat.) it’s like as soon as they’re on they want to be off.
    I’m not materialistic at all but when the babies were born there was no gift (they did send a card) and we’re fast approaching their first birthday and they’ve not came to visit them. Sigh … I guess the lesson I’m taking is a lifelong one to be the sort of parent to my babies that they’ve not managed to be with their son.

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    • I’m in a similar situation, but am left wondering a bit since I carried and it’s members of my wife’s family that have been…disengaged. I worry about what will happen with number 2, my wife is carrying this time. Sigh. Families.

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      • There’s a Philip Larkin poem I studied at school and it’s perfect!

        “They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
        They may not mean to, but they do.
        They fill you with the faults they had
        And add some extra, just for you.

        But they were fucked up in their turn
        By fools in old-style hats and coats,
        Who half the time were soppy-stern
        And half at one another’s throats.

        Man hands on misery to man.
        It deepens like a coastal shelf.
        Get out as early as you can,
        And don’t have any kids yourself.”

        Of course the fact that we’re aware of the messed up efforts of our elders we’re allowed to have babies on the proviso we don’t screw it up 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. My MIL is a bit of a dud in the grandparent department. Not surprising bc she’s a dud parent too. I guess similar to yours…although I don’t want to call you folks duds…I just call my MIL a dud. Anyways, I resigned myself a long time ago with her. I realized that I can’t make her be a better parent nor can I make her be a better grandparent. I had a set of dud grandparents and I believe it’s better for my children to not have me waste energy trying to get her to engage, false promises with my kids, lack of presence with them. If that’s the type of relationship she wants, that’s fine but I’m also not a victim in the relationship either. We’ll engage back when we have time and energy. I make all the calls bc I’m the mom and she now knows her two cents aren’t welcome. But I’m kind of a ball buster like that. 😉
    Family dynamics eh…fun times…

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  4. That is really hurtful, I’m sorry! Facebook also has a video chat option, I do that with my sister some (since she doesn’t have an iPhone).

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  5. I feel like I could have written this post. Both sets of Mackenzie’s grandparents make no extra effort to be in her life and it makes me sad. I don’t understand it one bit. My dad was always a good dad growing up so I thought I’d see more out of him as a grandparent but nope…not the case.

    Sorry you’re having to deal with this too. It certainly sucks and I wish our situations were different!

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  6. Mine were pretty similar when my 3yo was younger. My parents are in BC and we’re in QC. Video calls aren’t as interesting with a baby I guess. Now that she’s able to interact with them on video, they both want to skype more often. Hopefully yours will warm up. Xx

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  7. You can Facetime with most old iPhones and iPads — it just has to be online and have a selfie camera. I got my mom an old iPad just to Facetime with and play some games, otherwise she will only use her terrible Android phone and her Kindle.

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