Today I found out that a friend lost her twins. She was about 12 weeks along.
I was in my car when I read her email. My heart sunk and my eyes welled with tears.
The song “Hello” by Adele came on the radio and took on a whole new meaning to me.
“…When we were younger and free… I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet…”
Just last week, I was talking about cloth diapering with my friend. I bet cloth diapering is the last thing she wants to hear about now.
It’s the best word to describe life after loss.
You can’t erase it. It doesn’t go away.
And you are never the same.
As the song kept playing, it made me wonder if the lyrics were my current self – the mother to an Angel – speaking to the naive, hopeful and heart-ful me from before our loss.
“….I’m sorry for breaking your heart…”
Or maybe it was the opposite? Was my former self apologizing for something she had no control over?
Maybe it was my Angel? No, it couldn’t be. I put no responsibility onto that special little soul. She maintains her innocence.
“…They say that time’s supposed to heal ya… But I ain’t done much healing”
I came home and nursed my son. He smiled up at me.
Having him brings me immense joy, but he doesn’t erase the knowing.
The pieces of my broken heart are still fragile.
Please keep my friend in your hearts this week. ❤