I still remember

I changed my Facebook profile photo today. I got new glasses, so most people will assume that’s the reason why.

But really,  I changed it because I couldn’t bear to think that it was hurting someone else.

You see I’m an admin on our local infertility support Facebook group. A few weeks ago,  I changed my photo to one of Wyatt and I. In the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. I was having a good hair day and a cuddle with my son.

image

Since then, I cringe every time I post in the group and see my little profile icon with that image of me as a mother. I know there are so many other women in that group longing for what I have.

I just can’t do it. I can’t flaunt my transition beyond infertility even if some think my story may inspire and give hope. I know all too well that photos like that poke at the emptiness in your heart when you are longing for your own baby to cuddle.

I love my son beyond words, but that doesn’t take away the past. I know how much it used to hurt, how much it can still hurt reflecting back on where we’ve been and how far we’ve come. I know exactly how it feels for every woman in that group still waiting for their babies. And I don’t want to inflict any more suffering on them… even if a profile photo is such a subtle gesture.

For now, I’ll limit my profile photo to be a solo shot of me.  I’ll use my cover photo for the family or baby pics as it’s not so in your face.

And I’ll keep hoping and praying that each and every one of those women find joy and happiness no matter where their journey leads them. ❤

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9 thoughts on “I still remember

  1. Your compassion for others is always inspiring. That said, I don’t think you have to do everything for others, and if you want to show a picture of you and Wyatt, you should be able to do that. It’s not always easy for those of us still waiting for our little one, but, speaking for myself only, I firmly believe it’s also on me to deal with any emotions that might arise when I see my friends with their children. In many ways, your IF experience shouldn’t limit your ability to show off your son’s photos, it should enhance it. You fought hard to get where you are today, and for me, seeing you with Wyatt is inspirational. And while we may not all take the same path to reach our families, we are walking side by side and always supporting each other no matter the path. And, I guess, for me, seeing photos of IFers like you, with their babies just shows me that one day it could be me too.
    I dunno, I think I’m rambling now, but i guess I want to say I appreciate your compassion, but I don’t want it to limit your personal enjoyment either. Does that make sense?

    Liked by 4 people

    • Totally. I struggled with this concept for over a week now before changing it. I decided that a person (actual FB friend or intragram) could chose to unfollow me if they don’t want to see the baby photos I post. But, these women aren’t necessarily my actual FB friends. They can only see what I make public in my profile. With emotions being so charged with the holidays, I just decided to swap it for now. I may get to a place where I’m OK with changing it back.

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  2. I still remember too, and it makes me take great care in the way I may communicate to others. I think this shows empathy, not shame or the lack of wonder regarding where we are today. For me its always so mixed. Not only did I survive as an IVFer, but also survived bringing a 27 week micropreemie into the world. This season reminds me of miracles…which all of these things are. YOU are a beautiful Mommy! I see your very proud smile! XO

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  3. What a beautiful thing you did for others who are still struggling. Infertility makes all of us think about our actions and words, and you are demonstrating that with this gesture. I am not on Facebook and I have no desire to go back on it, especially while I’m dealing with RPL and infertility. It’s too bad because there are a couple of support groups I wish to join that are on FB, but I just don’t think I can handle all the baby and kid stuff right now. That is my issue alone, and I do believe that if you want to share beautiful pictures of you and your son, you should be able to.

    I love that pic of you and Wyatt. Your story (and so many others) give me hope during this crappy time in my life.

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  4. Wish I could like this twice. Now that I’ve suffered my second miscarriage I do notice I’m more sensitive to certain things. I do have two living children so the baby pictures hurt, but I’m sure it’d be worse if I’d had none. I may have gotten upset with someone complaining about 37 week pregnancy ailments today in the mom group. Told her I’d love to be in her shoes and that I was supposed to have a 3 month old or be 20 weeks pregnant this week. She remembered her own losses and I guess it gave her a different perspective. Also, your baby is cute!

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  5. So very thoughtful of you, to be thinking of others before yourself. I’m sure many of them truly appreciate you changing it, even if they don’t say anything. Though I’m in the struggling ranks still, I enjoy seeing pics of you and your son!

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  6. Very thoughtful of you. We struggled for nearly 3 years before our son was born and towards the end I unfollowed a lot of people (just unfollowed their feed, not unfriended) who would post endless photos of babies. Profile photos didn’t bother me, it was mostly the everyday stuff. My profile photo is of my dog and I kind of want it to be that way for a number of reasons.

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