I find it really hard when people get pregnant naturally after trying to conceive for many years or after conceiving once through fertility treatments. I mean it’s an amazing blessing for them, but it’s super hard for me to wrap my head around it.
The hardest part of all is how fertile people react to these stories. It’s like the whole myth of “just relax” is completely validated to them.
Recently, an old friend of mine announced her pregnancy. We are still Facebook friends, but don’t keep in touch more than a few messages once or twice a year. When I came out about our infertility struggles, she messaged me as her partner and her were considering seeking treatment. I offered her some advice, but never got an update on their status.
She’s also friends with my parents. My Dad asked if I saw her announcement. I said yes and mentioned how I wondered if they ended up doing treatment? My Dad said my Mom spoke to her and it sounded like they hadn’t. His response was abrupt. What I got out of it was the fact that they didn’t NEED treatment.
This reaction stirred up something inside of me. I’m not sure whether I’m still feeling judged by my family for pursuing fertility treatments or if I’m still struggling with their lack of understanding.
When this happens, I start questioning things like…
“Would we have conceived on our own if we waited longer?”
“Did we need to try HARDER?”
“If they didn’t need treatment, why did we?”
None of these questions are productive. They stir up feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and resentment.
Am I ashamed of my infertility? Definitely not. And I’m sure not afraid to share my story, but I still have some work to do on embracing our success.
There is no sense in comparing my journey to someone else’s. Each and every fertility journey is unique – even for couples who have also done IVF. Science can predict certain things, but not everything. Sometimes the unexplained remains unexplained.
I don’t need to justify the reasoning behind our decision to move forward with treatment. I just need to accept that our decision was the right one for us.
Although it’s hard not to dwell on the negative and question why you’ve been dealt a certain hand, it’s way healthier to focus on the positive outcomes. Wyatt is a miracle of science and love. IVF helped us bring him into the world and gave us the biggest blessing of our life. For that, I will be forever grateful.
I am a proud Momma of a beautiful IVF baby.
As long as I keep that in my heart, I know I can let go of all judgement and let love lead me forward. ❤