Unsaid words and simple actions

She saw my Facebook post. My subtle, yet not-so-subtle, tribute to my daughter on the one-year anniversary of the day we lost her.

That’s the only way she knows what’s happening in my life – through what very little I post on Facebook.

She sent me a text.

I’m thinking about you today and how far you have come this past year and soon you will be a mother.” 

I thanked her for her kind words, but she didn’t realize how much they sliced my heart open.

I replayed them over and over again in my head.

…soon you will be a mother“.

She doesn’t get it…

and she most likely never will.

I know her intentions were sincere, but she still can’t acknowledge our daughter.

Let it go, Lindsey. There’s no point. 

You can only get through to those who want to understand.

That night, her son – my husband – told me we had something else to do before bed.

Huh? What could that be?

Let’s start a new tradition“, he said. “Tonight, we will light this together for our Angel and she will watch over us.”

He handed me a lit match and lit one for himself.

We lit the candle together, then crawled into bed.

How did I manage to find a man like him?

My heart exploded with love and gratitude. Such a simple action meant so much to me.

He gets it. And that’s enough for me.

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They are not gone but souls turned to light

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21 thoughts on “Unsaid words and simple actions

  1. I’m sorry not everyone understands, but I am touched by your husband’s compassion and thoughtfulness. Truly, you are both parents to your little girl who didn’t make it and this new little one growing stronger every day. Sending love your way Lindsey.

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  2. It’s hard to not read too much into things and just the fact that each person could experience the same thing and feel so differently about it from the next person makes it that much more difficult. That was a sweet gesture of your friend, as her good intentions were there. Your hubby is a gem!

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  3. People do see things differently. I lost my last pregnancy at 7.5 weeks after seeing the heartbeat. It was very sad. I’ll always have a place in my heart and I’ll never forget it. But I don’t think of it as a baby, or of myself as a mother. I fully respect those who do, and I think your tribute was beautiful. My edd is 2 Nov and I might do a tribute too. I guess I’m just saying you mil is doing her best to be supportive.

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    • I’m totally the opposite. Our experience has made me completely look at conception and the definition of when a baby is created way differently. A heartbeat is a definite for me. My intuition and how connected I was to that little soul also made a big difference. I guess in the end it all comes down to difference of opinion. I can respect differences knowing that my husband and I are on the same page.

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  4. It’s tough when people don’t get it. People often ask me “is this your first?”, and I consciously have to decide whether I have it in me to explain that technically, no, this isn’t my first, that I lost one angel, and my wife lost two angels, and then it opens this ginormous can of worms…. on this sweet little lady just making small talk with me in the checkout line at the grocery store. *sigh*

    I wish we were ready to face the losses like you two are. It’s beautiful that your hubby is finding ways for the two of you to honour Emme. Hugs to you.

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