You don’t get to let it go

Today we received a package in the mail from our local health region. We are registered for a prenatal class at the end of August. They sent along the course registration form and a bunch of pregnancy-related brochures.

The course registration form asks the typical information: name, contact info, due date…

Then, it asked:

  • # of children
  • # of stillbirths
  • # of miscarriages

Whoa. Hold on a second. 

I know my pregnancy loss is a part of my medical history, but I wasn’t sure how this could relate to the prenatal class? Maybe the instructor will focus on certain topics more heavily based on the history of the class participants? I guess we will find out…

I know this question will follow me throughout life.  How many times do you visit a new practitioner and they ask you about your surgical history? It’s a fairly common question. I anticipate I will also be asked about my loss when it’s finally time for our little guy to enter the world and we are admitted to labour and delivery.

You can’t get away from it.

You don’t get to let it go.

It becomes a part of you.

I didn’t expect for it to come up today, but that’s how life goes.

I’ve accepted that I will be triggered at unexpected moments, but I don’t let that scare me.

Sharing my story helps to inform.

I just wish our medical community could word it differently… My baby is more than a miscarriage.


15 thoughts on “You don’t get to let it go

  1. Sorry you were hit with that when you were least expecting it. As if it’s not bad enough that we have to live through it in the first place, then it’s brought up again and again the rest of our lives. Life is unfair sometimes. *hugs*


  2. Every single piece of paperwork that I’ve had to fill out related to this pregnancy (eg. Midwives, hospital registration, etc.) has asked the same question, and i agree that it kinda opens up a can of worms. I feel though, that it is a part of our journey, and in a way I think it’s good to have these little reminders to reflect on them. I still find it super difficult to think of the little beans that DW lost, as well as little Spark who I lost. In time, I hope that I can find a way to think with them with less sadness.


  3. I feel you. I hate answering that on my medical forms. At the hospital for delivery I was asked that a dozen times and had to fill it out on countless forms. “How many pregnancies?” “Three.” “How many live births?” “One.” Then I got met with awkward silence. I don’t see why they need to know about our losses and wish if they are going to ask about them they are at least better equipped to emotionally respond so it doesn’t hang in the air like an unanswered question.


  4. I am sorry it was sprung unexpected on you.. I know how it feels. During my IVF the embryologist moved me from primary infertility to secondary infertilityinfertility. When i asked her she very callously said because u misscarried the first one.. It broke me heart all over again.. While i know the pain doesn’t go away.. It numbs down after a bit

    Liked by 1 person

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