How do you commemorate your Angel’s due date?

I’m having an emotional morning. I overdid it yesterday and ended up with a migraine/puking. On top of that, I had a restless night of crazy prego dreams. I woke up feeling vulnerable.

The arrival of the month of May startled me. Today it clicked that I’m battling the emotions of our upcoming estimated due date. In less than 3 weeks, Emme was due to arrive into our world, but instead she was taken from us MUCH too early.

My fear of losing her brother stems from this fear of knowing we lost her and there was nothing we could do about it.

I just feel like crying. I obviously need the release.

When you are expecting your rainbow baby, it does not mean that you are over loosing your Angel.

I told myself that I would plan something special for myself for her due date on May 24. My husband and I have agreed that we will celebrate her “birthday” on October 7th, but I still feel the need to commemorate her due date. I’m going to take some time this weekend to determine what that special day looks like for me.

What do you do to celebrate your Angel?

Did you know that this Sunday, May 3rd is International Bereaved Mother’s day? I plan on participating in the Mother Hearts Project… and you should too! 

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11 thoughts on “How do you commemorate your Angel’s due date?

  1. Little Spark’s due date passed (April 22nd), and I just allowed myself to be still for a moment every day that week to remember her. It was really really hard. I am tearing up just thinking about her, and all of our love and good intentions for her. Do whatever you feel allows you to connect to her, for us, it was taking time to stop and focus.

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  2. Our little one’s will be August 23rd. I haven’t even begun to think about it but I’m sure that day will touch me in some way. Our clinic gave us a tiny gold ring when we miscarried and I wear that on a chain around my neck at all times (unless I’m coloring my hair, lol). It reminds me of him/her daily.

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    • That’s such a beautiful momento. I have a few things around the house, but nothing I wear on me daily. I do have one necklace I bought before we lost her that I like to wear often – a lotus flower and a green gemstone – and my husband gave me that heartbeat one for Christmas. I’m thinking I might dedicate one of our flower beds in the backyard to her and make it extra special this year.

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  3. We write letters to our angel’s on balloons and let them go (I know not great for the environment, but I didn’t care on those days) on both due date anniversaries and the actual date of the loss anniversaries. I’m not sure if we’ll continue now that we’ve passed all the 1st’s, but it was nice. My husband also bought me a necklace with stones representing each of them (stones are the colors of the due dates). I know you’ll come up with something amazing.

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  4. With the first one, we went away for the weekend to Chicago (and had just done IVF that week as well so it was a bit easier to take as we were hopeful to be pregnant again). For the second one we didn’t do anything to be honest, kind of felt down that day but wasn’t in the mood to do anything big. Mostly I started thinking at this rate I could have a commemorative date every month of the year…

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  5. In past years I’ve planted flowers, written letters, meditated, painted. I’m sorry it took you off guard. I am sure you will find what’s right for you this May 24th. Sending warm thoughts your way as always.

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  6. With the first, I bought a Christmas tree ornament of an angel to commemorate. The due date of that little one was to be December 23rd. With my most recent one in January, we haven’t done anything yet. Still thinking on it as well.

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  7. That’s such a great thing for you to do. After the first, I stopped figuring out due dates because the first was our anniversary. Now when I’m having feelings of loss about them, I talk to my angels and then pray. It’s def different now though and the loss feels stronger. Pregnancy (or even children, I imagine) does not cure infertility or loss. Hugs, sweetie.

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  8. To be honest, I’ve been so wrapped up in this pregnancy that I’ve already bypassed my Angels due dates without knowing it. I’m kind of thankful for that. If I were to go back and acknowledge their due dates I think I’d go sit by the ocean and say some kind words as well as light a candle. I always feel the need to light candles for sad and very happy moments.

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