Enough is enough

My sensitive heart always gets the best of me. I’m quietly crying at my desk at work. Wondering why I let people affect me so much? Why do I always expect a positive reaction when I’m so used to the negative? Isn’t doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result the definition of insanity? I’m not insane. I’m just too caring.

A few days ago, my sister had her baby. Initially, I was upset that the news came through my Mom, but I gave her a break. She’s a brand new mom! She deserves it! She’s probably too wrapped up in her bundle of joy to have time to message everyone.

As days past, I heard she was connecting with other friends and relatives, but my husband and I still hadn’t heard from her or her fiancé. I thought for sure once she received our gift that we would hear something.

We mailed a gift the day my nephew was born. We had it bought for months now. I slowly purchased things as I found them. My last addition was the book, “On the Night You Were Born”, by Nancy Tillman – a book I think every child should own.

I tracked the parcel. She received it yesterday. We never heard a thing.

I honestly thought pushing a human miracle out of her vagina would change her.  I thought she would magically fill with light and love as she laid her eyes on her child for the first time. I thought this love and light would extend to the rest of her family because she would want her child to be a part of their lives. I was willing to forgive everything she had said and done to me over the past year – heck, over our entire lives – if it meant that our family could be closer again.

Clearly, I was super fucking wrong.

I guess childbirth doesn’t change everyone. Some people are unable to offer compassion, understanding and love to the world. Some people are too self-absorbed to ever step outside of their manipulative, narcissist bubble.

Today, my brother’s wife told me that my sister mentioned she received our gift. She is mad that my parents gave us her address.

I’m done crying now. I’m also done trying.

My happiness is too important to let her misery continuously inflict pain onto me.  I may never know my nephew, but that choice was made by his mother.

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41 thoughts on “Enough is enough

  1. Oh, my god. My heart aches for you so deeply. It really does. Your sister is hanging on to bitterness and anger and for WHAT? You’re an incredible sister and an amazing auntie, and if she can’t let go of whatever the #$@! she is holding on to, she is hurting herself and her son in the long run.

    I wish things were different. I wish your sister had opened her heart. I wish being a mom had changed her, somehow. I wish I could wrap you in my arms and give you so much love.

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  2. I have an idiot sister, too–I can relate. I’m so sorry it came to this. The ball is 100% in her court now. Hopefully she’ll figure things out before it’s too late. Although I know that in my case, it will never be too late for my sister–if she is willing, I will always be willing.

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    • She has us completely blocked from all social media. Everything is 100% in her court. I’m not sure I will be always willing. I I’ve let my guard down repeatedly just to always end up hurt. Will be interesting if things ever do change.

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  3. I am so sorry that this dark cloud is hanging over what should be the happiest time of both of your lives. Just from your blog, I can tell that you are an amazingly compassionate person with a huge heart, and though it doesn’t take the sting away, it is clearly your sister’s loss. I’m so sorry, chick…

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  4. I’m mad about this on your behalf. You are such a sweet person!!! Give ME her address and I will go collect that gift right back from her and give her a piece of my mind while I’m at it…

    Even though she is your sister, it doesn’t mean you HAVE to like her. You have sisters here who love you much much more- and will always be here for you!! She doesn’t deserve your love and affection, and she is so so lucky that you have such a big kind heart that continues to love.

    *hugs*

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  5. I’m sorry you are going through this. I know how hurtful you must feel. I’m going through my own struggles with my mom (we have major personality conflicts).

    Honestly, I know you’re not asking for advice – but I have had to train myself to know that I can’t be upset over the things I can’t control. This includes other people – their personalities, what they do, what they value, how they treat me, etc. All you can do is be the best “you”. It’s unfortunate that people make us feel emotionally crippling.

    Stay strong. Stay happy. Fill yourself with happy endorphins for that baby growing inside you!!!

    Hugs xo

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    • Yes I definitely slipped this time. I built up the expectation that my olive branch would be accepted with welcoming arms. Lesson learned. I need no expectations and an understanding of not being able to control other people’s reactions or actions. That was a great reminder! Thank you.

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  6. Lindsey, I am so sorry that your sister is being such a petty ass. My jaw dropped when I read about how she was mad that your parents gave you her address. What do you think she is trying to accomplish with all of her spite? Like, do you think she actually wants to cut you out of her life, or is it some ploy to get sympathy from others? Shame on her husband and your parents for not stepping up and pointing out to her how inappropriate she is behaving. I’m so mad for you right now.

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  7. This is what I was afraid of. She’s getting lots of attention so it’s a convenient time for her to “punish” you (just because she can, because she is an immature, mean, crazy little #$!@>). Don’t give her this power over you. You have your husband, pets, and a baby on the way–let that be enough. I say this from experience ❤ XOXO

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      • You realize that YOU are the only person who can stop this cycle of abuse. You are responsible for your own happiness. You have the power to walk away (they can’t make you participate). You can heal and become *whole* without this relationship(s)–you do not need your family to define you. You define yourself. ❤ MUCH LOVE ❤

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  8. I’m so sorry that things ended up this way!! Do your parents know that she’s mad at them for giving your her address? What do they say about that tidbit of info!?!? It’s absolutely unbelievable!! I guess I haven’t been following you long enough to understand why she’s acting this way, but it just makes me so mad for you. Though my sister and I live so far apart and don’t talk nearly as much as we’d like to, we still love each other and are there for each other, and care about what is going on in the other one’s life! I just…I don’t even know what to say. You know everyone loves you here…maybe it’s time to just cut ties and let her go on her miserable way through life. I’m so sorry that it means you will miss out on knowing your nephew, but maybe when he’s older you can try to contact him and let him know you love him. I’m so sorry *hugs*

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  9. What a horrible thing for her to say. She is your sister and should at least be courteous enough to say thank you. I am so sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated so poorly. You are so kind hearted and I hate to see my friends get hurt like this. You do have a lot of people who are not family care for you deeply. I know it isn’t the same, but at least your not alone at this moment. Sending you hugs.

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  10. I am so sorry! No one deserves to be treated that way. Its never easy to let go, especially when they are family. Make sure you take care of yourself first, you are number 1, and it’s ok to be selfish sometimes. Sending you positive vibes!

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  11. I think that it was very kind (not to mention generous) of you to send a thoughtful gift to your sister. Her reaction is really unfortunate and in the long run, she’ll be the poorer for wrecking this relationship. Your little babies should be growing up as cousins…some people are just not capable of fully engaging in adult life IMO.

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  12. Hi! I’m a new reader to your blog and I would like to start off by saying congratulations and to wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy!

    I’m so sorry that you are lacking support in your family when you need it most. The only loser in this relationship is your sister as she has alienated the people who love her by being unable to look past her own pettiness and self-absorption.

    That was a wonderful thing that you did and representative of someone who is kind, compassionate and capable of great love. I agree that moving forward and focusing your energy on the people that do care about you is the best thing!

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  13. Wow! She really is something else! I hope she’s got the capacity in her heart to show her husband and son more love respect and compassion than she’s showing here!

    If she is so offended by your true and honest gesture then she’s showed her true colours yet again … I hope her next poop is a hedgehog! Silly girl should thank her lucky Stars people want to love her son rather than reject that out of hand …

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  14. Pingback: I’m leaving on a jet plane… but I KNOW when I’ll be back again! | Awaiting Autumn

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