The awkward transition into pregnancy

It’s been just over a week since we got our positive Beta results back. I’m currently 5 weeks, 3 days pregnant.

It’s an awkward transition from fertility treatments to pregnant. I found that my husband was acting super excited as I had thought I would react – except I didn’t. I was trying to stay neutral and fight off the lingering fear. As someone who has experienced a pregnancy loss, waiting for that second beta rise was absolute agony. This pregnancy is completely different from our ectopic. From side effects to mindset to blood results, everything is looking much better all around.

I know I will feel more assured after we get that first ultrasound done. I still don’t have a date for it yet. My clinic didn’t get back to me yet, but I do have my initial OB appointment coming up this Wednesday. He can schedule it for me if the clinic doesn’t before then.

Right now, I’m focused on baby steps: OB appointment at 6 weeks… 7 week scan…passing 7 weeks, 1 day (when we lost Emme)… reaching the 12 week mark and entering 2nd trimester. Honestly, I haven’t thought much beyond that yet. I do know that once we enter the 2nd trimester, this Momma is going shopping! 🙂

Gradually over the past few days, I’ve allowed joy and excitement into my heart. I’m still sticking to my one day at a time approach, but I am looking forward to a future filled with lots of happiness and new experiences.

I usually drop the ball on Valentine’s day, but this year I surprised my husband with a card and this ”Coming soon” frame:

image

I can’t wait to place our baby’s photo in it. ❤

Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope to get to spend today cuddled up with your loved ones.

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38 thoughts on “The awkward transition into pregnancy

  1. I’m so happy for you guys!! You’re right, this time sounds completely different. Can’t wait to see pics of your baby and growing belly. Love that frame! Enjoy every minute!!! Xoxo

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  2. I hope you pass each hurdle quickly enough that you can breathe fully, but just long enough that you can savour each happy moment within it. If we get our BFP this time, I am going to be a wreck until we see/hear a heartbeat, and then probably be on edge until it’s sure to stay. I love the frame. What a sweet and timely gift.

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  3. When I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I told my husband and my sister and NO ONE else initially (not even the blog). Because I was terrified. And I actually got upset with Mr. MLACS and my sister when they would get excited.
    I’m glad that you’re embracing your pregnancy! I think everyone has their own way of handling pregnancy after loss, and there’s no “right” way, but I like celebrating with you 🙂 XOXO

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  4. The main difference, besides the delayed elation, is the constant comparison to the previous pregnancy and the massive relief as each point progresses differently and you get past where you didn’t before. That’s when it really starts to get better. I think I help my breathe till then. It was still scary to get excited, but once you get there, embrace it and just go crazy. (in a good way 🙂 )

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  5. Amazing news! So, so excited that this is a positive for you! I remember how tentative I was after my losses and then my positive – but take it one day at a time, and celebrate every milestone!

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  6. I get the tension between being excited and guarding our hearts, even unintentionally or subconsciously. In my one successful pregnancy (my 3rd of 10 pregnancies), my TCMD pushed me to connect and not hold fast to my fear as the pregnancy progressed. After he was born and we had more loss I refused to connect with pregnancy #5. It was a worse feeling when I lost that one too because it was as though I didn’t care enough. I swore I would not do that again. Yet I felt apprehension and a form of resistance or holding back deep down – almost too deep to detect for months – in this pg’y that I’ve never really felt in all of the ones before it. I found this out when we had the spina bifida scare – when I had to draw lines in the sand and face my love and compassion for this baby and our toddler and work through all of those feelings in the midst of high anxiety – and I worked on this with the Brennan energy healer a bit too. She helped me clear anything that was stuck. It struck me as strange and disturbing that I could have been holding back into the second trimester despite everything I have done and the LP and I have done to love and nurture and want this baby (and the embryo that didn’t make it from the same transfer). I am still afraid that maybe I won’t or don’t love this baby as much as our miracle toddler but I try to own that fear and let it go. What else is there to do? I share all of this to offer you some perspective on fear after loss in the hope it will help you navigate your own feelings. I am almost 21 weeks and the LP and I just bought the first thing for this baby on Saturday – St. Valentine’s Day – a little pair of vintage white buttery leather baby booties. And I saw the hesitation in his eyes as I picked them up at the antique shop to which we had gone, just as I heard the hesitation in my voice when I said “I want to get these for this baby…” There was an unspoken but… And we both let it go. We agreed it was okay to buy the boots. So I did. Nothing is easy after IF and loss. Nothing. Much love to you.

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  7. You have had a lot of people pray, and root for you. With me being one of them. I am so excited for you and this new chapter. I definitly can relate to what your feeling. I was one cycle away from starting my 1st medicated cycle when suprise, I got pregnant on just having maxed out on metformin. I was completley shocked. My mind was ready for the fight, the rounds and rounds of shots, med’s, monitoring. I was ready for it all. But I was not ready for a BFP to come this quickly. It took me a few days to really except it. I guess I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldnt have been this easy? Then I remembered how the RE said that my ovarian reserve might be an issue, so I was waiting for the loss. It hasnt happend yet. I just had my 1st sono this morning and everything looks wonderful. And now I’m so over the mood in love with this grain of rice sized baby its crazy. I can’t even think straight right now. Also only taking one day or one week at a time. Just focusing on my health, and diet. I hope and pray and wish that you have the easiest pregnancy ever! You deserve it!

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  8. it truly is hard. baby steps with milestones is the best way to approach this thing. I also told myself that this is in “God’s hands”, he knows what’s going to happen and it’s pretty much out of my control. I think one of the hardest things is the alienation I felt from TTC Sisters once I got my BFP. I mean, I totally get it – before I got my BFP it was hard to follow sisters that got their rainbow baby. But it still hurt, none the less. Just dance and bask in the glory of today, as today you are pregnant. Wishing you the most wonderful pregnancy journey!! xo

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  9. The waiting is the hardest and I remember doing the milestones with my son. I didn’t let the fear go until he was born (and then it was a whole other kind of fear) and it’s something I kind of regret. I wish I could have embraced the hope and excitement from day one so I say if you’re feeling that way, embrace it (easier said, I know!). My favourite pregnancy after loss quote – “you can be scared and brave at the same time”. x

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