The squinter and next steps

Since the Barren Librarian asked for it, here’s a pic of the squinter:

Where do we stand?

No more pee sticks

I have decided no more POAS-ing. I will leave fate up to my betas from here on out.

Tomorrow, I will go for my 1st Beta at 10dp5dt. My 2nd Beta will be Monday at 13dp5dt.

Remain neutral

We are not letting ourselves get excited. I know, I know. That’s the whole torture factor of infertility. Fear overrides joy. However, my high ectopic risk puts on on edge.

My eternal optimist husband and my negative self have decided to meet halfway. Neutral territory is best right now until we know what tomorrow brings.

Remember the lessons we’ve learned

I won’t deny it. This situation is making me flash back to our last beta limbo. There are many lessons we’ve learned since then:

• Obsessing over it won’t change the outcome
• What is going to be will be
• Worrying is not worth the anxiety
• Don’t let fear overcome you. Much easier said than done. 
• Recognize your support network. Don’t try to get support from those who aren’t capable of giving it.
• When times get difficult, come together, not apart. Surround yourself with love.
• Ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in admitting you need help.
• Keep yourself occupied

If you can’t tell, I’m afraid. I’m very afraid. It’s like ressurecting all of my PTSD from our last pregnancy loss. I know miracles can happen, but I’m also not willing to build myself up to come crashing down even harder.

That’s it folks. Only time will tell.