A change in plans: UGH! Really?!?!

To recap from our post-ectopic and FET discussion with our RE”

Our RE prefers singleton transfers, but he is open to us transferring more than one, particularly because we have Day-6 embryos frozen. He said since they were slower to grow and are likely to have a lower survival rate. The choice is ours to transfer one or two. My husband and I both agree we want to transfer both embabies.”

My logic for transferring 2 embryos is:

  • Increased success rate: Less survival rate for Day 6 embryos. Put two in and you increase the chances of one or both surviving.
  • Determine embryo quality sooner: If it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work. We will know if it’s an embryo issue sooner, rather than after 2 transfers.
  • Cost-savings: Transferring two is a safe guard for in case we need to do another round of IVF. We only have another 5 cycles before our Premier Plan expires (meaning another fresh cycle at 1/2 price). There is a slight possibility that we could squeeze it in before the cut off. At that point, we also would have incurred the cost of 2 FETs. :/
  • Two and done: Twins. My Grandma had ’em. My Mom had ’em. They survived… I will too. One pregnancy = DONE! This may seem selfish as twin pregnancies are high risk, but I honestly am ready to move forward and leave the (in)fertility crap behind me.

In December, we sent our signed FET paperwork to the clinic stating that we would be transferring 2 embryos. Last night, my nurse coordinator contacted me to let me know that my RE had me down to only transfer 1 embryo.

SAY WHAAAAAAT?!?!? 

Now, I have a call tomorrow morning with him to plead my case.

I just really want to bring both of our babies home. I hate the thought of them being without us. Yes, this is a very intuitive and connected Mother speaking here. ❤ All of my pre-transfer visualizations and meditations have focused on BOTH embryos being transferred.

I know he is going to say, “But Lindsey, you are young. You did get pregnant. You will again. Let’s take a safer route for you and the babies.

I’m open to hearing what he has to say. I just wish I had more of a final say in it.

I currently don’t know the grade of our frozen embryos. We won’t know what grade the embryos will be post-thaw until we get there.

What are your thoughts/opinions?

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44 thoughts on “A change in plans: UGH! Really?!?!

  1. I feel like if you already had this discussion with him, and he told you before that it was your choice whether you wanted to do one or both, that it should STILL be your choice. You are being realistic and you know the risks involved, it’s not like you’re just going in blind or something. I’m with you on the “one and done” theory too!! I pray that when we get pregnant we have twins, so that we don’t have to go through things again. (That and by then I will be pushing 40, and that will just make things harder.) I hope that he lets you do both, for so many reasons. Fingers crossed!

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  2. If we wouldn’t have done genetic testing on our embryos, we would have transferred two. Given that you already had the conversation, and have very reasonable, well thought out reasons for wanting to transfer two, I think you should fight for it!

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  3. It sounds like you are set on transferring two, and have prepared yourself to do so. I feel the same way about all of the reasons you mentioned, and would add that it is particularly grueling to have to go through 2 sETs vs 1 dET when you have been waiting and dealing with infertility. The emotional element is so important, and I think is worth the risk of twins. Good luck on your conversation with your RE. In the end, I think the decision should be ultimately yours.

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  4. In the end, do you have the final-final say, even if you doctor doesn’t agree? It could be different from clinic to clinic, but at ours the doctor/embryologist makes an official recommendation, but the choice ultimately is ours. I hope that is the case for you since it’s your own dang body these embryos will be hanging out in! I think if you ultimately have the choice you should put in two. Your arguments are sound. I totally hear you on all of it, especially getting your two babies and leaving infertility far, far behind. Also, for what it’s worth, if you do have to put in only one, my doctor said that day 6 embryos are NOT poorer quality/less likely to survive just because they took a day longer to develop. I made sure to ask her this like 3 times at our last visit since our remaining frozen guy is a day 6-er. I know that every doctor has a different opinion, but hopefully this gives you some comfort if you end up only transferring only one. Good luck talking to your doctor!

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    • I’m not sure. I’ve always felt like we don’t get the final say. I think our RE follows the standard of if under the age of 35, 2 or more failed cycles = can transfer more than 1. I’ve only done 1 fresh transfer so far, but many IUIs before that. Thank you for the advice on the Day 6 embryos. I’m wondering if he thinks I have the wrong idea and maybe that’s why he wants to chat. Maybe he just wants to know I’m aware of the associated risks?

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  5. I have given this a lot of thought personally in terms of future transfers. As someone who did get pregnant with twins and then lost one at 8 weeks, I can tell you with about 95% certainty that if I do this again in the future I will still transfer two embryos. My reasons have changed, certainly, but I still wouldn’t do it differently.

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  6. I feel that if he already said the choice is yours than ultimately the choice should be yours. If you and ypur husband chose to go with two that should be the end of the discussion

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  7. I imagine your RE just marked down 1 embryo transfer since that seems to be the clinic protocol. I can bet you he will be open to your demand for two. I am sure all will be fine once you talk to him. Good luck!

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  8. This is exactly the question I have been wrestling with, but I have five in the freezer. If something happened to those twins, I know I would blame myself the rest of my life, even though obviously things go wrong in twin or singleton pregnancy all the time.

    I would keep going back to when I made that choice and decided that the risk was worth it. Obviously I’m risking the babies’ safety not mine.

    I’m leaning to one, or even a fresh cycle with one.

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  9. So I had Dr. G do my transfer and I actually didn’t get confirmation that 2 had been thawed until my legs were in the stirrups. He said that he had a moment of weakness hence the last minute decision. I had a day 5 blastocyst grade 17 and a day 6 *almost blastocyst grade 18 transferred. Both took and I’m currently 27w (tomorrow).
    Sure I’ve had spotting, not excessive and other have had worse but it was scary the few times it happened. So far I’ve had a few scares with the BP but I’m currently in the clear. I’ve grown rapidly and I think my body is in shock some days as I’m the size of a woman at 36w with a singleton (and RLP is real! It started early and it’s still going on some days). The goal is to get me to 34 weeks and everything past that is a bonus. Where I live, they also don’t allow twin pregnancies to go beyond 38w so I’ll be induced if I haven’t already gone by then. And then there’s the c-section discussions. And … all of this could happen with a singleton pregnancy anyways. I say all this because there are acknowledged concerns with twins but for me, it wasn’t enough to deter me from making my informed decision to request the transfer of 2 embies. And we were so surprised to find out we were having two and I’m amazed every day that they’re both in there, healthy and kicking away. There’s no way to absolutely prepare for twins either in pregnancy, birth and the lives beyond. But I agree that it’s your decision and both Dr’s do encourage communication and dialogue and you’ve got some good points as to why you’d like to transfer two. I’m hopeful that they’ll recognize where you’re coming from and let you transfer both 🙂

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  10. I did two fresh transfers in a row, transfered one each time, got pregnant and then MC both times before 8 weeks. The third time (a FET) we transfered two, and had a singleton. Our very first fresh cycle I asked to transfer two, and the on-call doc talked me out of it. Since I ended up losing the pregnancy, I’m glad we only transfered one (hindsight is 20/20). But we’re also proof that transferring two doesn’t always equal twins. I say go with your gut (we actually flipped a coin and left it up to fate to decide).

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  11. Hmm … How tricky is that?! I’m hoping that your chat with him goes exactly the way you want it to tomorrow but I wonder if they’re being extra cautious because of your previous ectopic OR if they’re being twitchy because of there’s been loads of twinnies there recently. Good luck and I hope that whichever way the chat pans out you have a comfort in your heart and soul about the way forward, you know that they have your and your babies health as their number one priority everytime.

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  12. I think you should follow your heart. You already talked to him about it and if he had an objection, he should have told you then. Hugs! ❤

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  13. I feel exactly the same as you do and we are still planning to do our last 2 together for all of the reasons you mentioned. I think you will have the final say no? They told me they still recommend one but will do both if we want to go forward with it. Hope the conversation goes well.

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  14. I’m a great advocate of transferring 2. Being young aside and also everyone commenting about the possibilities of having twins can be tucked in a corner. I’ve done 4 transfers but zero results. Sometimes it is not that easy to strike twins in IVF. I think your logic is good. Unless there is a health issue to the mum to carry twins or financial considerations, I’d say go for 2.

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      • I think its just embryo issues. We have not done embryo testing as theres only one legalized center doing the test and they have no sense of urgency. Might miss transfer if i were to wait for them. Also, i dont know if i want to find out. Sighs. Always escaping reality. I havent been pregnant after ectopic but i could get preg naturally on that freak time. I dont know. This is all so messed up! But i wld still go for 2. If i could i would go for 3 even !

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  15. I think you should follow your heart. You’ve spent all of this time expecting to transfer both- it would be hard to wrap your mind around transferring one.

    I feel like transferring both will give you some closure from your IVF cycle. If the thought of ‘using up’ the last two at once doesn’t bother you, then I think it’s the best choice. You really don’t ‘know’ until they have been thawed.

    We were scared to transfer both because they were our last two chances, but ended up transferring both because the first one didn’t thaw very well. I don’t regret our decision one bit.

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  16. When it came down to our transfer, our RE, not surprisingly recommended transferring 1. I went into the transfer not sure how many I wanted to transfer to be honest. Slightly high on Xanax I sat down with the RE and told him two. For me it came down to the fact that I’d rather have two than zero. Yes, the twin pregnancy was often nerve wracking because of the increased risk of complications and premature birth, but somehow, deep down (and in a way I can’t fully explain) I knew they would come out healthy. Anyway, that’s many words to say I don’t blame you if you want to transfer two!

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  17. wow! I’m glad to see lots of opionons on this one. I’m sure its been said, but I would think it would be up to you. Your the one paying at the end of the day and the doctor can recomend anything he wants, but it is your body and should be your decision. I totally agree with you that you should go for whatever you are comfortable with. I am the same way. Knowing that I will have to go through all of this AGAIN for a second stresses me out. Why not have a 2 for one deal? We also had the genetic testing done, so I know that we dont carry anything (both DH and I are “clean” per say). I hope that you get what you want. Keep us updated!!

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