Remembering the past to redefine the future

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“I want every woman out there going through infertility to know that I remember. I know how strong you are and what you’re going through. I hope you are surrounded by love and support as you fight for your BFP or “big fat positive.” Until then, let’s continue to lean on each other.” – Bobbie Thomas from Bobbie Thomas on pregnancy after IVF

I remember.

Those words stuck in my head.

As someone who has faced infertility and pregnancy loss, I will always remember the BFNs (big fat NEGATIVES), pills, injections, surgeries, tears, grief and sorrow.

You don’t ever forget what you have been through.

You may lessen the depth of your feelings associated with the struggle of your journey. You may even completely let go of those feelings, but you never forget.

It becomes a part of your story – your journey to now.

My mantra for this FET cycle is: One day at a time.

I’ve been feeling quiet, yet centred lately. I’m grounded and going with the flow of my current FET routine (Three pills in the am, two pills in the pm, healthy eats, lots of sleep, pending ultrasound and blood work Monday next week…)

You do what you gotta do.

But, you also remember.

The hardest part of our fresh IVF cycle was the 2WW and beta limbo.

My biggest goal for this FET cycle is to make it through the 2WW without (or with minimal) anxiety. Going through the meds and the transfer seems like second nature now. It’s the waiting that builds the anticipation and fear.

This time, I’m recognizing where I lacked support or self-care during previous cycles to ensure I feel supported and well-cared for in this cycle.

During any fertility treatment cycle, you need to surround yourself with love and support as YOU define love and support.

Know who you can lean on.

Don’t be afraid to ask when you need help or set boundaries when you need space.

Recognize when your mind is entering crazy territory and know how to bring yourself back.

Find peace amid the chaos; find calm within the storm.

Remember who you are and how far you have come.

Sending much love & light to all of my other cycle buddies, recently prego infertility sisters, new Mommas, and especially those who are patiently waiting for the next phase of their journey to begin. XO 

31 thoughts on “Remembering the past to redefine the future”

  1. Your last experience was absolute hell–no surprise that you’re fearful of that anxiety cropping up. I do feel like experience is the best teacher, though. You lived through it all and you’ve learned what doesn’t work for you. Hopefully that will help you make it through the waiting after your FET. Looking back on my own TWW, there are SO MANY things I would do differently next time. Mostly because at the end of the day, all of that stress and worry got me nowhere. It didn’t change the outcome. It certainly didn’t make my pregnancy more stable. What will be will be. You are not the same person you were back then, and I so hope that the person you are now cuts you some slack and gives you some peace this time around. I am sending so many good thoughts your way!

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  3. A friend of mine at work went through 2 IVF’s to have her children and she has genuinely said she can’t remember any of the details/feelings. I can’t figure out if she’s so blasé about it because it worked and she’s moved on or it’s her coping mechanism. Thank you for this post. It’s a great reminder of what’s important as we enter our FET next month.

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  10. Sounds like soild game plan. Knowing what I know of you and how you handle stressful situations, I have no doubt that you will honor your feelings and alow yourself the space to feel and then let them go (if its negaitive). You so very very strong, so grounded and beautiful of a person already. These moments test those qualities and in your case only prove that your better now than you were before because of the struggles. I cannot wait for this cycle to really start for you and for your transfer of those precious souls. PS keep your eye out for mail from me/etsy, not sure how it will be packaged.

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  11. Beautifully put. And you are SPOT on with regard to setting boundaries for yourself, knowing when to ask for space and knowing when to ask for more support. There’s nothing wrong with voicing your needs – no clue why we always find ourselves shying away from doing so, but hopefully those habits can become less habitual and more rare or nonexistent for all of us. Thanks for sharing this!

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  12. This really struck a chord. Thank you for sharing.
    It was inspirational to read your blog and to go back and watch some of the Bobbie Thomas videos. I am just starting my IVF journey and every little thing helps. I look forward to do the day that we all can remember too.

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  13. Great post Lindsey! I didn’t know Bobbie Thomas was struggling with IF too. Thank you for sharing her post! I absolutely love her! It’s great that as a public figure, she’s standing up and talking about her struggles.

    Good luck with this cycle! I’m keeping you in my prayers! xoxo

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  14. I’ve started to comment on this post about 30 times, but each time some work nonsense pulls me away. I have a lot I want to say here, but in the interest of actually finishing a comment, I will simply say this: you seem like you are in a really good place going into this, and I am feeling so positive for you. I’m thinking of you, my friend.

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