Reflections on Christmas

I made it through this holiday season in brighter spirits than I thought I would.

I woke up from my anxiety-ridden mindset and remembered how horrible Christmas was last year. Not wanting this to become a trend, I set the intention to make this year’s Christmas about love.

And I felt it. ❤

This year wasn’t about extravagant gifts, indulging in too many goodies, or playing the “put on a fake happy face” game. It was about being present and finding peace in the moment.

The highlights of my Christmas include:

  • Hanging my lil’ Peanut on the tree and surrounding her with Angels and football ornaments… clearly that was her Dad! 🙂 
  • Taking my niece to see Max & Ruby’s Nutcracker Christmas at a local theatre
  • Building Megabloks towers with my nephew
  • Sharing stories and having a few good laughs with my husband’s aunts & uncles
  • Volunteering my time at the Reiki share
  • My husband calling our niece on Christmas morning to wish her a Merry Christmas. Beautiful, yet heart wrenching at the same time 
  • Hearing my Mother-in-law sincerely say, “I hope to have another grandchild on the way soon“. This made me realize she does care even if she struggles with how to show it
  • Heartfelt gifts that showed how much those close to me actually do know me. I am so grateful for each and every gift I received this year.
  • Enjoying quiet time with my family – my husband, the chis and our ragdoll

It was our baby girl’s first Christmas in Heaven, yet I managed to have a legit smile on my face. That doesn’t mean my baby girl wasn’t on my mind. It just means that I chose to change my perspective. I chose to turn to love instead of sorrow.

The past few months have been filled with too much darkness. I didn’t want our first Christmas without our baby to feel sad, angry and hopeless.

Instead, it felt perfect.

I will forever cherish this Christmas.

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I miss you baby Emme. XO

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12 thoughts on “Reflections on Christmas

  1. I am so glad everything turned out the way it did for you! I just love that orniment! and surrounding it with angels, very nice. My hope for all of the TTC sisters out there, that this next year will be your year.

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  2. Im glad you chose to make this christmas count and be as happy and hopeful as possible. I too decided the same thing, i just kept reminding myself that i have a wonderful loving family and that i needed to be greatful for that!

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    • We bought the ornament before our transfer. My husband was cautious when I picked it out, but I knew we would need it – one way or another. I’ve been thinking a lot about your writings lately Justine. You are a true inspiration to me. ❤

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