The past few days, I’ve been struggling with lots of family drama – on both sides.
You know I have no relationship with my sister right now. Her latest and greatest antics would be that she told my parents I said I wanted her baby to die. It’s shocking that someone could even fabricate such a lie. Anyone who knows me knows I would never, ever wish that upon anyone – especially after enduring it myself. Even before then, I would have never dreamed of it. I have journeyed alongside many other women who have shared their grief and heartache from pregnancy loss. I have compassion and sensitivity. I have respect for human life. I would NEVER say such a thing.
But, here I am feeling like I have to defend myself.
My honest opinion is that my sister wished it upon me. And when it actually happened, she felt so guilty for her thoughts that she made this up to make herself feel better (remember we are dealing with a narcissist here). Or maybe that’s just it: she needed the attention back on her after our loss?
Either way, I’m beyond hurt that my parents believed her.
I told my Mom this is the one time she should have taken sides. She should have defended me and known my character well enough to know that my sister was lying.
Except that’s the way it’s always been… my sister lies. My parents believe her. I become the scapegoat.
I have chosen the path of silence. I will not reach out to my sister.
But what do I do about my parents? After we got off the phone, I sent my Mom a text last night reiterating how hurt I was. I sent her the link for the letter I wrote to my sister. She hasn’t replied.
My husband spoke with his counsellor today about our family troubles. He kindly reminded him that WE are all we need to focus on right now.
Why do we keep having to remind our family HOW to support us? Do we just need to give up and realize they never can and never will be the people we thought they could be for us? How much pain can we endure before we officially cut all ties?
I’m getting to the point where I’m about to go silent on both sides of the family until frick, probably Easter. If all goes well, we would be entering our 2nd trimester then. I could do with a stress-free 1st trimester, but do I really want my Mom to not get to experience that with me?
The lack of support from our families has been one of the hardest part of this journey. I know I have a lesson to learn. Maybe it’s being my own support system or perhaps learning to lean on my husband more? Either way, I’m ready for it to unveil itself.
I’m setting the intention for 2015 to be free of family drama.
Please Universe. Answer my call.
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” ~Unknown