It’s been 8 weeks and 1 day since we lost our baby.
Today, I had my post-op follow up with the OB/GYN who did my ectopic removal.
I have never been to this office and had a bit of difficulty finding it. I was already having a bad morning. My husband and I were fighting last night, plus my period arrived today. Just what I needed to add to it: a room full of pregnant women and newborn babies!
When it was my turn, I was greeted by a male resident who said he would be going over my file and the Doctor would come in after to review it.
The first thing he says to me is: “So, you are here today for a follow up to your labour and delivery”.
I replied with, “No. I had an ectopic pregnancy”.
He apologized and quickly changed the screen from his scripted post-delivery verse. He fumbled for a bit and realized he didn’t have a script for ectopic or pregnancy loss.
I gave him quick, short answers for each post-op question he asked until I realized this poor guy had no clue about IVF protocol. He typed, “fresh seminal transfer” to which I replied, “No, it was an embryo transfer”.
I figured it didn’t make sense to show hostility when really the world needs to be more educated about infertility and pregnancy loss. So, I gave him a brief intro to IVF 101. 🙂
Then, I asked to see the pathology report. I read it over his shoulder and asked if there was anything out of the norm that came up. He looked at me with big eyes and replied, “I honestly don’t know”. I felt for the kid, but I wish he had more practical experience.
When the doctor arrived, he quizzed the resident on my medical history. Both the Doctor and I found it humorous that I knew more statistics than the resident did. He pulled up the pathology report again and the Doctor said everything was typical for an ectopic.
The Doctor also told me that I can come to him for a 5 week ultrasound following our FET transfer. He said to just call the clinic and they will schedule me in. This is a huge relief as I had so much difficulty trying to get in for a scan prior to our recent loss. It does feel reassuring to know he cares.
I surprisingly held it together at the Doctor’s, but the tears began to flow the second I walked back into my own office.
I feel so alone right now.
Nothing makes your situation more obvious than a trip to the OB/GYN.
I can’t help but feel like the last one standing.
My work colleague tells me that I will get pregnant when I least expect it (clearly not) and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
My own mother just keeps telling me to “let it go”.
My in-laws pretend that nothing happened.
My best friend encourages me to stay positive and believe that my turn is soon – probably the best advice of them all.
I am alone.
None of these people truly understand the pain of infertility and pregnancy loss. It’s not something you can swish with a magic wand to make go away.
I sure wish I had a magic wand to swish a bit more compassion and understanding into our world though. The proper procedures should be in place within our medical system to ensure that women like me never have a doctor accidentally ask them how their delivery went, when in actuality their baby is dead.