A step forward

Tomorrow I’m officially back to work.

To help with the transition, I’ve set some goals and boundaries for myself with the help of my fertility coach and my grief counsellor.

  • Honour my feelings. Allow the negative to come through. Don’t try to sugar coat it with positive affirmations when I am not in a place to believe them yet.
  • Respect my needs. Only do what I am feeling up to doing. Understand that this is for my own protection and I do not need to feel guilty (I’m referring primarily to social activities here).
  • Speak up and be very specific about how my husband can support me. Accept that I may have to remind him more than once.
  • Recognize and write down any fears that are currently surfacing
  • Practice 20 minutes of light yoga and meditation a day

Emotionally, I’m definitely seeing progress. My cries have gone from entire or half day episodes to a few sniffles over a 5 minute span. I still carry Kleenex in my purse and think this may become a standard now.

Physically, I had a minor set up. My one incision developed a surface infection. On Saturday, the doctor prescribed some got antibiotics and strict instructions to clean with alcohol, layer on the Polysporin and re-wrap it 2-3x a day. I also have a rash from the bandage adhesive. On the plus side, I lost most of my stitches this weekend (4 weeks post-op). This seems to give me a bit more range of movement, but my infected incision is still store.

I’m also going to my first Perinatal Loss Support group meeting tomorrow evening. My grief counsellor leads it and thinks it might be a good place for me. My husband attended counselling with me today, but hasn’t decided whether he will attend the group meeting with me or not.

Today’s counselling session went well. I thought it would be a good place to get my husband to open up, but I think I just have to accept that we are grieving differently. He did admit to me this weekend that he cried at home alone both nights I spent in the hospital.

Overall, I’m moving forward. I know that my life will never be the same as it was before we got on that plane for our first IVF cycle. But, I am looking forward to finding a sense of normalcy again – even if it’s only temporary.

I also wanted to thank everyone who has sent their love and support over the past 4 weeks. I apologize if I have seemed disconnected as I definitely have not be as engaged in the online community as I was before our loss. I hardly respond to my comments, but I definitely read and appreciate each one of them. 

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14 thoughts on “A step forward

  1. I absolutely love your list of goals and boundaries. I think this is a wonderful idea to help you return to work!
    My husband attends some counselling sessions, but not all. I think he goes for my sake more then his, and I so appreciate his effort. And, I too have really learned that we grieve and process our losses in different ways and that’s okay.
    Wishing you the best tomorrow!!

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  2. I’m glad your going back to work and that they are so supportive of your needs. I hope it gives you some much needed distraction and appreciation. I also hope that group support will be good for your healing. So much love coming your way! Xoxoxo

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  3. I think it’s great that you have some goals and boundaries. I’m glad you’re taking good care of yourself and taking the time you need! ❤ I hope that the group is helpful. Thinking of you and sending lots of love always!

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  4. I continue to keep you close to my heart and in my thoughts. I am glad you have set these boundaries and goals and hope the transition back to work proves to be a positive one in the long term. One day at a time, sweetheart.

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  5. Glad to hear that things that things are getting better for you- I think about you all of the time! Your promotion at work will be a great distraction and it sounds like you work for a really great company. I’m also really happy to hear about the perinatal loss support group and I have a feeling that this is where you’ll find your best support. I have good feelings about it. Sending good vibes your way.

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  6. Hoping that your first day to work went well today and that you find your support group helpful. I too attend a support group, and I found the first session was the hardest – recounting the loss, hearing others stories, it was a lot to take in. But after that I found it immensely helpful. Many hugs to you.

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