Facing the unexpected

Today, my best friend told me she is pregnant.

6 weeks pregnant.

She conceived her baby right around the time I lost mine.

She was crying when she told me.

She said she thought of me right away and that she can’t believe how unfair life is.

They weren’t trying.

In fact, she is just moving in with her boyfriend next weekend.

They are in the process of selling both of their condos and purchasing their first home together.

They are excited but shocked. They didn’t anticipate this.

I held it together quite well on the phone.

I only cried when I told her we only would have been 5 weeks apart.

Would have been…

I am happy for them, but it still hurts.

And not because they got pregnant, but because life selectively challenges us.

I was chosen to face this journey of grief, despair and uncertainty.

The darkness is overwhelming.

There has to be light at the end of this tunnel.

sending light

To my best friend because I know you will read this: Be happy. Do not let fear get the best of you. You are blessed to be pregnant even if the timing isn’t perfect. Celebrate this joyful time. You will be an amazing mother. I am so looking forward to sharing in your pregnancy, birth and the life of your child. Xo.

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33 thoughts on “Facing the unexpected

  1. You are such a beautiful soul and a loving, compassionate friend. My heart aches for your lost little girl, the grief you’ve endured and that yet to come. And yet I see a light shining brightly behind and around you, reassuring me that your story has a happy ending. Your children will play with the child(ren)

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  2. My best friend and I went through this multiple times. She has a son that eras born within a week of the baby’s due date that I m/c’d. She got pregnant a month after my hysterectomy. And, she was pregnant again two months after our adoption loss. Each time it was difficult and I hated that her pregnancies were tainted by our pain. It sounds like you have a very loving friend!

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  3. With each of my losses, I had close friends who got pregnant within weeks of me. In the beginning, it’s impossible not to think, “that’s what I’d look like now,” and then later, “that’s what my baby would be doing.” The only thing that finally helped, was getting pregnant, and staying pregnant, which is terrifying, because just one loss makes you think — my god, we may ever get there! — but you will. I see those kids now, and instead of thinking about what should’ve been, I’m thankful for the baby we had, when we had him, and all the bumps along the way.

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  4. I’m sorry for the rough road you’ve been on. Life truly is unfair sometimes. I feel like since the miscarriage, people keep announcing pregnancies, or asking “so when are you guys going to have kids?”. It’s hard to deal with these things, and hopefully it gets easier with time. I just keep thinking of what my sister told me when I told her we were miscarrying: “It sucks, and it’s hard. But we look at it this way…If we didn’t have the ectopic, and then the miscarriage, we wouldn’t have Matthew now, and we’re thankful for him every single day, and can’t imagine life without him.” My life motto has always been “everything happens for a reason”, and I still believe that…and I believe that when the time is right, we’ll all have our own fat baby bellies and then little rays of sunshine to hold in our arms. Some of us just have to be more patient and run a harder obstacle course than others. Hang in there, and just remember you have all of us along the way. *hugs*

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  5. I can’t think of anything to say but feel like I got to say something because just…damn…life sometimes really smacks you around. Things have got to turn around though. I believe they will!

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  6. I read the first few sentences and my heart broke for you because I just can’t imagine the pain you must have felt (and still feel). You are amazing, sweet, kind and compassionate friend though for how you responded. I admire you so much. Praying for you daily. xo

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  7. Oh, I’m so sorry. So many of us have been through situations like this on our own journeys. You are not alone. It’s not easy, and it really hurts, but I will say that you have what sounds like a very compassionate and loving friend, a true friend. You’re very lucky to have people like that in your life. And she is lucky to have you!

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  8. It is so tough. One of my close friends is due with her second baby the same time (4 days later) than I would have been with my first pregnancy….and it really hurts. You’re so strong for being there for your friend, what a sweet post. It’s hard to think of others when you’re struggling sometimes, that’s what makes you so brave…and incredible 😉

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  9. I think you are great. I admire you. I just feel hollow when I read this post because all I can think about is the added difficulty for you. (Happened to me with one of my best friends, Shane—I wasn’t as admirable as you. I had to go radio silent for quite a while with her, which we both acknowledged and got through lovingly, but still.) Wishing you peace and strength!

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  10. Although you are happy for your friend, it still hurts when you get news like this. You have certainly navigated this situation with astounding grace and love. Admirable, to say the least. XOX Hugs!

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  11. Big big hugs. It’s bittersweet. My best friend is preggo too and told me, I feel, in a very insensitive manner. I am happy yours was sensitive 🙂 it still hurts like a bitch. You are stronger than you know. Xoxo

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  12. Big hugs! I can only imagine how tough this situation is. It’s no where near as comparable to your situation but I remember when my bff had a hard time telling me she was pregnant again (another “we weren’t trying” and this time it was with her 3rd) when we were at the 2.5 year mark of infertility. It stung a lot. Be gentle with yourself. xo.

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  13. Oh I have been here so many times. It’s so hard. Of course you’re happy for your friend, but it’s so hard to not be sad for yourself and all of you have been through. I just love the quote you posted. Keep on fighting my friend. I just feel in my heart the light is coming to you soon. Huge hug to you. ❤

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  14. It’s such a tough place to be…happy for someone but reminded of your own struggles. Two weeks after my 2nd miscarriage, my cousin texted me her sonogram pic saying surprise! I was gutted. I sobbed for hours. You are so much more balanced in your coping than I was so my hat is off to you. You have a lot of grace. These feelings are normal and unfortunately part of infertility and loss. I’m sorry you have to feel these conflicting emotions while you are healing from your loss.

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  15. I’m going through the same thing right now. I just miscarried for the 3rd time and one of my best friends is pregnant again (we were pregnant together last time too). It’s so hard and only those who have been through it totally understand. Sending you lots of positive vibes. Keep your head up!

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