When I first ended up in the hospital after my tube ruptured, I was like ummm how do I even start explaining this to my employer?
Here are some tips and advice I learned along the way following our ectopic pregnancy loss.
Contact your HR Representative
Your HR department should have the most up-to-date information on what benefits and leave options are available to you.
HR also has a level of confidentiality that they have to maintain for you. Going to them can help eliminate awkwardness or emotional conversations with your manager. I found that my HR rep was also more sympathetic and concerned about me fully recovering versus how many days I may miss and what work would be waiting for me upon my return.
Personally, I didn’t do this. I contacted my Director (who I directly report to) first. In the end, this was a lesson learned. I ended up liaising with my HR rep more than my boss.
My HR rep reminded me that you do not have to divulge your full medical history to your manager. The choice is yours as to how much you disclose. When I spoke with my boss, I focused more on the physical recovery than my emotional state. I didn’t want him to think I was some hormonally-crazed woman – even though I really was. haha
Choose which leave is right for you
Sick Leave
For someone who can’t miss much time off work (especially if your loss is following a fresh IVF cycle where you have already taken time off), your best bet is sick leave. The amount of days you qualify for depends on your company’s benefits. Speak to your HR rep for more details.
Short-term Disability
My HR rep recommended short-term disability immediately when I told her about my surgery. Short-term disability (STD) works well if you 1) don’t have a lot of sick time 2) plan on being off for more than a week.
Ensure you get the info to process your application ASAP. Depending on your plan, there can be a specific number of days post-surgery in which you have to apply.
If you chose STD (seriously who chooses these acronyms?), you will have to get your doctor to fill out a form disclosing certain details about your medical condition and the amount of time they recommend you take off work. Your employer will also have to complete a form.
Short-term disability usually has a waiting period before it kicks in. For me, it was 7 days. During this time, you can use your sick time.
Typically, you will wait 5 business days or longer from the date their receive your application until you receive confirmation of approval. It proved to be a pain in the ass trying to find out whether my claim was approved or not. I played phone tag for a few days before our benefits provider finally gave me the stamp of approval.
Typically, you are also looking at a decreased salary. I think mine was in the range of 66.7%; however, this is definitely better than an unpaid leave.
My time off was broken down like this:
- 1st week: Waiting period of 7 days, used sick leave with full salary
- 2nd-4th week: Short-term disability with pay of 66.7% of full salary
The catch with STD is if you need time off beyond the initial approved period, you will need to resubmit medical statements from your doctor and have your claim reassessed.
Bereavement Leave
During my extensive Google search, I learned that some, but not many, employers honour bereavement leave for a miscarriage. It’s worth it to ask if this is valid at your company as it saves your sick days and could be allotted towards your waiting period if you choose a disability leave.
Maternity Leave
If your loss occurred in the 3rd trimester, you may qualify for up to 17 weeks of maternity leave. Double check your provincial labour laws to ensure this applies in your area.
Vacation or unpaid leave
If your worst case scenario means that you do not have access to any of the above mentioned options, you could also consider taking vacation or an unpaid leave. I truly hope that no one is faced with having to choose this last resort option. Recovering from a miscarriage is anything but a vacation. However, an unpaid leave might be the best choice if you need more time to heal beyond your approved paid leaves.
Decide when to return to work
Recovering from a miscarriage – no matter how far along you were – is not an easy task.
If you had surgery, there is always a recommended recovery time. Obviously, this can change due to complications, infection or even just how fast your body personally heals. Following my laparoscopy to remove my rupture tube, my surgeon told me he recommends minimum 2 weeks off for an office job. I was starting to feel physically better at 2.5 weeks, but I was an emotional wreck. I chose to take just under 4 weeks to ensure I was headed back to work with a clear head. This was an easy choice for me because my doctor and short term disability approved me to be off for up to 4 weeks.
If the leave you selected meant you are approved for a specific amount of time, you can choose to return to work earlier or later. Speak with your HR rep about how to return to work sooner than anticipated. If you need more time off, speak with your doctor.
I do recommend that you consider taking the necessary time for self care. But ultimately, how much time you take following a pregnancy loss is a personal choice that only you can make.
I want to thank the women who encouraged me to take the time I needed over the past few weeks.
These options are based on my experience in Canada (sorry US and International folks). There is no guarantee that these options will be available to you. Double check your benefits plan and local legislation to see what you qualify for.
If you stumble upon this post and are currently in the first few days following your loss, my heart breaks for you. I hope this helps ease some of the anxiety you may face around taking time off to deal with your pregnancy loss. XO
I wish I would have known some of these things my first go around with my tubal. But over the next two losses I worked directly with HR and my boss. I’m always amazed at all the different options people get. The only option I had was using my sick leave and vacation time. This is such a good resource, SO GOOD! I hope lots of people read this and share it so that more woman experiencing this can good, valuable resources on how to navigate the working situation. SO good, thank you 🙂
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Great post, lots of great information here!! Thinking of you girly. I know I’ve been quiet lately, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t still been following your blog and praying for you like crazy ;).
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Interesting. I only took 4 days off with my ectopic, including the day of the surgery. Well, I guess it would be 6 since there was a weekend in there, too. I used sick time. (medically, I think the doctor told me I only needed about 3 days to physically recover. BTW, she was wrong). At that time, my boss and the HR rep were one and the same. In the few days leading up to the ectopic diagnosis I had let him know (via email; couldn’t bring myself to do it face to face) that I was facing a non-viable pregnancy. Then the day of the surgery I sent him a text with an update that it was ectopic, going into surgery, etc. He was actually great about it, very flexible with me, though he’s one of the least emotional people you could ever meet. He just told me to take whatever time I needed and not to worry about work. But I didn’t want to exhaust my sick time (I had a 3 year old at the time and felt I needed a cushion in case she got sick herself). Anyway, for folks in the US a situation like this will qualify for FMLA if you work somewhere large enough (50 FTE). In addition, or if you work somewhere with fewer than 50 FTE, many states have laws on the books that are applicable, so check into that. (I’m fresh from a webinar on FMLA just last week, can you tell?) If you have a good HR department, they can help you with this, but sometimes you do have to be your own advocate, too.
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This is one of the most helpful blog posts I’ve ever read–for what it’s worth, I’m so impressed & proud of you! Always thinking of you ❤ XOXOXOXOXO
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Wow you have been through so much and have found a way to use this experience to help others. I really hope I never have to use this information but it gives me a huge sense to have this information if I ever do need it. I hope you are continuing to heal emotionally and physically.
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Really informative. Thank you for posting. I hope you’re recovering well. I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts. xx
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I’m so glad you took the time to write this. I just totally quit my job because I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t even think to look into any of this.
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That means so much to me that you think it will be useful. I know it all depends on where you work but I wanted to give people a starting point.
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Yes it is. I had no starting point at all and I was just a mess. This will help so many people.
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Thanks for sharing. My job really allows for NO time off. I work for myself and get no sick days or vacation days. I’ve missed a week of work so far and I have to go back on Monday. So total I’m missing about 6 days of work. I lose out on my entire check so I can’t afford to take any more time. I sort of wish I could take FOREVER. Going back to work as a doula is unimaginable to me right now. But then again, everything following my second ectopic loss is unimaginable. I’m glad you are recovering for well.
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Yes, I totally understand that it’s so much harder when you are self employed. I hope you get to a place where you can resume as a doula. Society needs more doulas to support the women who are fortunate enough to make it to delivery. I hope your days get easier. I’m happy to say today was my first no tears day in two weeks. Small steps towards progress.
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Progress not perfection!! I wish i could cry, i think im just numb or in shock. To do this twice in six months, i mean i just have no thoughts. I cant wait to be able to release all of these horrible feelings. Thanks for your support and kind words.
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I am so afraid of it happening again. I won’t deny that at all. Be kind to yourself. You will release it when the timing is right for you.
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I will be praying for you!! Take time to heal. I feel my doctor may have let me move on too fast from my first surgery. Dont rush the healing process : )
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