Homeward bound: fear and anticipation

We are sitting in the Victoria International Airport. I agreed to fly out early to please my husband even though we could have left last night and gotten home at 1am. Instead we woke up at 4 am and will be getting home at 1:30pm (yes, our second flight is already delayed).
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I slept like crap last night which seems to be a pattern over this past week. There’s so much going on.

The lab called yesterday to let us know we have 2 embryos frozen.

I’m a bit surprised at how low this number is since they pulled out 27 and  initially fertilized 13. No matter what,  we still get another chance (for baby #2).

I’ve been watching Mad Men on Netflix lately. In one episode,  the main character Don Draper says something about how fear lies in anticipation.

Wow. He nailed it.

The whole IVF process is a series of steps. As we approach each milestone,  we fear the what ifs as we anticipate moving forward towards our goal of baby.

It’s 10 days til my Beta.

I keep placing my hand on my belly. I keep talking to my baby as if she is in there getting comfortable for her 9 month stay.

I can’t guarantee that this will be the outcome,  but I’d rather live in love than fear.

Speaking of love,  here’s my cuddley fur babies the night before we left:

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Momma’s coming home!

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33 thoughts on “Homeward bound: fear and anticipation

  1. It sounds like you’ve had an incredibly positive experience for cycle one and I sincerely hope this is your last! Try not to worry too much about the freezing bit – with our egg donor’s eggs of the 8 (out of 12 that were collected) that made it to day 3, they anticipated only 2 to make it to 5 day blasto, or at least to the quality they like. Something like only 1 in 3 of day 3s make it to blasto in their clinic. We were very lucky with ours beating the odds, but if my clinic weren’t expecting it from even donor eggs, then I’d say your results are lovely and normal! Wishing you all the luck and stickiness in the world, AA. I hope the next 10 days fly-by (ha! Yeah, right). And enjoy your furry reunion!! XX

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  2. What a beautiful post!! I agree completely, it’s much better to live in love than in fear. I hope you have safe flights, I know you’re excited to get home and see your babies and sleep in your own bed. I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight! When do you go back to work?

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  3. I also went from 13 fertilised to one onboard and two 5 day snow babies …. By the sounds of the stats a couple of blasts in the freezer is an awesome result …best of luck with your 2WW and PUPO xx

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  4. Sweetheart I am almost old enough to be your mama. Our RI told me last weekend I could expect one out of every 13 embryos to be normal (and presumably make it to blast). Three should cover your wish for one of each. 😉

    In my experience with ART fear is my faithful companion – every day, every hour – and I just had to befriend her. I don’t remember if you were following me then but I have written about befriending my fear. I could not agree more with your comments about fear and anticipation. I am sending hopeful and peaceful wishes your way.

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  5. AURGH! I hate delayed flights! BUT … I hope it gives you some time to get something pretty/sparkly/expensive/smelly/tasty from duty free 😍 there’s got to be treat to be had to kill the hours! I’m sure your furry beasts will be over the moon to get you home to fuss over them! Enjoy ☺️

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  6. I love that you’re calling your embie a ‘she’. I hope she snuggles in well and you’ll be sharing joyous news with us later this month. Enjoy the snuggles from your fur babies!

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  7. Live in love and not fear. This is beautiful. I feel like I live in fear a lot, and am afraid of getting hopeful for fear of being let down. I think this is very brave of you to let yourself love and keep an open heart. I am going to try and do the same 🙂 Have a safe flight home!

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  8. Hope you made it home safe and sound hon. Thinking about you and thinking lots of positive thoughts 🙂 Try not to worry too much about the remaining embryos right now. It sounds like they froze the very best, and hopefully you won’t need them for a long time because you have sticky little one making a comfy home and settling in there right now!

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