Childhood innocence trumps fertile awkwardness

Remember the post I wrote about that elephant in the room? Yeah, that one. Well, that’s exactly how I felt on Sunday at our nephew’s 1st birthday party.

Everyone knew (or at least it felt that way), but no one would say anything about our upcoming IVF cycle – except my sister-in-law.

She asked how I was feeling about our upcoming IVF. I told her not as nervous as I was a month ago. Then, she asked if we were ready to go. I told her we still had to book our rental car, but I wasn’t finding as good of a deal as I had hoped to. She was shocked that it might cost $700.

Oh please! If you only knew how much cash I’ve wipe my vagina with and handed to the fertility clinics this year. 

As much as $700 was more than I wanted to spend, it is pennies compared to everything else.

She tried. I guess I gotta give her some credit for asking.

My mother-in-law was kind enough to make me a gluten-free pasta salad. She doesn’t quite get that gluten-free doesn’t always require specialty foods. A garden salad would have done nicely. It was obvious that gluten-free meant only for the freaks hippies (in)fertiles as barely anyone ate it except myself. They all knew it was for me though. 

My sister-in-law’s best friend asked how our summer was and what we had done for vacation. I told her we hadn’t taken any, but we would be at the end of August. She just didn’t even respond. She didn’t walk or anything. She just sat there beside me as if she had never even asked the question. Dead silence. That was awkward.

In the end, I resolved to just play with the toddlers. Kid are much easier to deal with than adults, and most of these little ones could barely talk yet – even better. 

One little guy crawled over to his diaper bag, got his bottle out, crawled back to me and wanted up. I placed him on my lap. He snuggled into my chest and drank his milk. This little guy chose me as his stand-in momma when his own momma wasn’t there.

I couldn’t help but notice everyone stare at us…

I hoped for once that watching me with a baby in my arms made them feel awkward.

Because it was anything but awkward to me. It was the highlight of my day.

Bless his sweet little soul. XO


25 thoughts on “Childhood innocence trumps fertile awkwardness

  1. Doing a whole gluten-free dinner isn’t hard, I wonder why she didn’t just do that? I’ve been there though, with “my” food vs. all the “normal” food. But like I’ve said–just don’t expect much from them & then you won’t be disappointed. It could be worse–they could be giving you all their unsolicited, uneducated advice and opinions! *cringe* XOXO


  2. All things considered, it’s a step in the right direction that she made that pasta salad for you, right? At least she was making an effort to be inclusive and considerate. Actions don’t always speak louder than words, but it’s certainly more support than you got at the last family gathering!


  3. There is absolutely nothing like a cuddle from a child that chose you! In feb I had a similar situation with my friend’s one year old, he fell asleep at his first birthday in my arms. I held him until my arms hurt and he woke up. It was an amazing feeling!


  4. I think most people have no idea how expensive infertility can be. It also comes with so many awkward situations. I’m glad you were able to experience a little joy.


  5. I give your SIL points for at least talking to you about it without being too awkward. It sounds like she really does care, but is just a bit clueless. I got teary eyed picturing you with a little one on your lap because I have such a good feeling it will be your own little one that you’ll be cuddling with soon. And I was just reading the string of comments above. Yay for a deal on the car rental! Keeping everything crossed for you!


  6. I feel for you! I’ve been in situations like that and they suck. Soon you will be bringing your little one to events like that and you will have cultivated an inner strength and quiet resilience that none of them can touch. Hang in there.


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