In like a lion, out like a lamb

CD 2.

Aunt Flo came in like a lion. I can only hope our IVF cycle goes out like a lamb brings me our little lamb.

I got my period yesterday afternoon. We were on our way to spend the afternoon with my husband’s family who are camping about an hour away from our place.

Cramps! Oh the fucking cramps! Gotta love putting that fake smile on and pretending you are fine, when it feels like someone is removing your uterine lining with a dull knife. My periods aren’t always like this, but I had a feeling this month would be “one of them”.

Anyway, I couldn’t completely hide my discomfort. Cramps make me have to pee and shit like every 10 minutes, but I managed to escape to the gross campground washroom about once every half hour to an hour.

Before we left, I packed myself a gluten/dairy-free supper as I knew my husband’s family would have NOTHING I could eat. And boy, was I right! The only thing on the entire table I could eat was a few cut up veggies and the potatoes. My mother-in-law knows about my diet restrictions, but like usual, she didn’t seem to care. Good thing I know them well enough to know I need to take care of myself.

Overall, I made the best of the afternoon. I laid in the sun for a while telling myself that the heat from the sun would subside my cramps like a heating pad would (positive visualization works right?). Then, I convinced myself movement would be better. My husband and I beat his brother and a friend in a round of bean bag toss. I also got to spend some time playing with my niece and nephew. I love the toddlers years. There is nothing that compares to when a child smiles and giggles.

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My husband and our nephew

The downfall of the day was that my husband got drunk. And somewhere in his drunken state, he decided that it made more sense to support his family than his wife. 
Why, oh why universe do you keep challenging me on the concept of support? 
He started by trying to convince me to have a drink all afternoon. I politely declined each time, reminding him that I’m 100% off the alcohol since my period has arrived.
On the way home, I mentioned how I was glad I took my own food out because there wasn’t anything I could have ate. I also mentioned how surprised I was that they feed their children so much junk food. In this moment, my husband turned on me. He told me I was rude and should have ate their food for supper. He said he didn’t understand why I was being so strict. He called me a complaining bitch and said he will be feeding his own children junk food. 
Whoa there. 
As you can predict, the evening blew up into a big fight between us. Anytime my husband is around his family, he comes home with this arrogant, defensive attitude. I know being the son of an alcoholic and a codependent mother calls for some unsettled feelings, but I also know that he needs to deal with his shitHe didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say last night. He just kept acting childish. I truly believe that his behaviour stems from some unresolved issues that he has lodged deep down inside of him. I also believe that I don’t need to be the brunt of it. 
I’ve ask him to go back to counselling. He will be around his family a lot this month as they prepare for harvest season.  He needs support to be able to handle his issues with them, and his fears as we start our IVF cycle. Perfect timing. I just hope he follows through with it. 
I’m praying for peace and calmness for the rest of our journey. And some strength for my husband!
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13 thoughts on “In like a lion, out like a lamb

  1. Sorry hunny 😦 You know my hubs has the propensity to be a dick of that magnitude, so I feel your pain. And yeah, it’s probly the combo of alcohol & misplaced feelings–which is no excuse. Kudos to you for getting him to go to counseling, because my stubborn Taurus will not budge, so I have to do a lot of the work (on his issues) myself. Don’t let it steal your energy or your focus! XOXO

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  2. Ugh! I’m so sorry your cycle is starting off with a big fight like that. Hope the rest of this process goes smoothly and you have your hubby’s full support moving forward. I’m sure this is all really stressful on him too, but it’s not fair for him to take it out on you when you’re the one who has to go through all the physical stress on top of the emotional stress. Seriously, boys sometimes!

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  3. In laws are great aren’t they? And drunk husbands are even better! I’m sorry this turned out to be such a blow out and I hop you and your man are doing better 😦

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