I won’t deny it. My life has been filled with it.
Well, yesterday was enough for me.
I really didn’t want to write about what’s been going on with my sister, but for the sake of my own personal healing, I need to.
Since finding out she’s pregnant, I’ve done nothing but support her. She started spotting and was scared. I told her that spotting is common in pregnancy and unless it’s bright red and clotted, she should be ok. I encouraged her to use positive visualizations to picture her baby in her arms in February. All because I truly do not want my sister to put undue stress on her baby. I want her to be happy and healthy.
Unfortunately, she can not share in anyone else’s joy.
It hurt that she told me I was “too fat and not a good candidate for IVF” when she has not educated herself on the process. But it hurt even more, when I realized she was hiding her pregnancy from me when she spoke those words.
My brother called me yesterday because she was fighting with them about plans for her trip back to Ontario this summer. The fight was juvenile and unnecessary. The solution was simple. But she wouldn’t back down. She finished off stating that she doesn’t want to see them and meet their new son, her first and only nephew.
After I got off the phone, she started texting me about the fight. I tried to rationalize with her, but she turned on me.
She said that her intention all along was to get pregnant before me. (Wait a second here? We were taking about sleeping arrangements at the cottage – not your pregnancy?) She told me that I’m just a jealous bitch who’s trying to make her feel bad. She said I’m angry that for once she got what she wanted in life and I didn’t. She wants the entire family to be nicer to her because she might miscarry.
She expects the entire family to cater to her demands.The spotlight has to be shining bright on her at all times. Or else, she creates chaos and projects her own insecurities onto everyone else. I pity her fiancé as I’m not sure the guy has ever seen her true colours. My sister needs major therapy to deal with her issues.
Unfortunately, I’m done saving her. I’m done being the big sister who always does what’s right to keep the peace in the family. I’m done being nice to her when she’s done nothing but treat me like shit my entire life. I’m done pretending it’s ok to please my Mother who is in denial about how volatile her younger daughter truly is. I’m done with the narcissistic behaviour, the compulsive lies and the excuses.
My birthday night ended with a phone call to my parents.
“Ignore her“, they said.
How can I ignore what she just said to me when she knows how much we want to have a baby of our own?
I cried my eyes out to my mom about not getting any support from them. I told her I just need my mom sometimes. I just need her to listen, but it doesn’t seem like she cares about our infertility, let alone our upcoming IVF cycle. I told her that they can not condone my sister’s behaviour. But, I know they will do nothing about it.
Throughout all of this, I know one thing: I stayed true to myself. I was honest and open about my feelings. And I continued to support my sister, even after the horrible things she said to me.
She’s deleted and blocked my brother, my sister-in-law, my husband and I from texts and Facebook. Guess that’s what happens when you know you are in the wrong and don’t want to hear the truth.
I’m a bit upset with myself for breaking down (especially on my birthday night), but I needed to release the hurt. And move forward… with a few less people in my boat. Hope the view is nice from the shore. I won’t be going back to pick them up.