As much as I am excited about our upcoming IVF journey, the past few days have not been exactly joyous. For quite a while now, I’ve felt like my parents have not been very supportive. When I talk to my Mom about our treatments, I might as well be talking to a wall.
After our consult on Tuesday, I got in a big fight with my Mom. The next morning my sister informed me that my Mom and her don’t agree with our decision to pursue IVF right now. Their rationale is bogus, uneducated, disrespectful and just plain ignorant.
But, it still hurt.
They haven’t been here to see what we’ve gone through over the past two years, nor have they truly listened when I’ve tried to share.
Why is it when we make one of the biggest decisions of our life – one that could bring us the most happiness- they attempt to sabotage it and derail our plans?
I guess some people just don’t like to see other people succeed.
I’ve often been the rock of the family. I provide support to everyone else when they need it. This time: no one’s around for me.
Today, a friend sent me the following quote:
That’s my plan! I’m putting myself first and foremost for the next two months.
My happiness.
My health.
My sanity.
If that means kicking a few people out of my boat, then that’s what will happen.
I’m limiting my conversations about (in)fertility with the fertiles. They just twist my words around and don’t understand nor should I expect them to.
I’ve realized my fertility friends – online and offline – are and will be the only ones who truly “get it”.
I’m forever grateful for the (in)fertility community.
THANK YOU, all of you (and you know who you are) for being my rock, my shoulder, my confident, my listening ears, and my support on this journey.
Awaiting Autumn 
Hand me a paddle–I’m 100% ready for you to succeed. XOXO
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Good for you! My mother in law doesn’t agree with IVF so we just didn’t tell her. I did the same thing, gravitate toward the people who understand and support. Anything you need, I will be more than happy to lend a hand.
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Love the quote! And as if infertility isnt hard enough – it does bring into glaring focus those who are in your world without paddles in hand. Glad you are putting yourself first and honored to be sharing your IVF journey.
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I have also decided to limit my dislosures to my fertile friends. Because they haven’t lived it they can’t fully understand. It’s too complicated a topic emotionally, physically, financially, scientifically for people who haven’t been there to grasp. Even when people want to understand it is still hard. So sorry you are unsupported by your family. I wish there was a magic phrase you could say to get the. On board but you do have this community and we are here for you! Hugs.
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I totally get this!!! We have decided if there is one time to be selfish in life, now is the time. We need to get through this and want only supportive people in our lives. If people are unsupprotive they are out, and this has happened (which is another comment for another day as it was and is very hard to accept the end of friendships, but were they really friends when they chose not to be there for us when we needed them most?). Anyways, I absolutely respect the concept of putting yourselves first.
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I’m sorry your family feels that way, but you know what? You’re right to take care of you. Kick out people who aren’t helping you! 🙂
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my parents feel the same, so they don’t know about our upcoming IVF plans. makes it hard during our regular phone calls, but what can ya do.
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I loathe the misunderstanding and misinformation that is often linked to IVF or an IF treatment. Seriously, legitimate information is available and quite honestly, if one is not right in the middle of such treatments, they have no right to pass judgement. I am so sorry your mom and sister have to take this position. But know we are all rooting for you, all ready to paddle away. Thinking of you, honey.
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I’ve sent legit info to them. But people will only read what they want to. Now it’s time to give up (on them not ivf). Thanks for your support
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I am on your team!
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Ok new tshirt opportunity: Team Infertile! Team Fertility Bloggers! Team making our babies! Hmmm there’s gotta be a better saying?
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Lol. Let me know when you figure it out.
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I hate that for you but you’ll find out people’s feelings very quickly! I had a great friend tell me that perhaps my body wasn’t getting pregnant for a reason- like I’d probably end up having a baby with something wrong with it. People can be rude and heartless. Just know where your support is and ignore the rest!
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As much as I believe in some sort of destiny, I also believe that we choose our own path on the way. No one can ever assume your body is doing something to prevent you from having children on purpose. Life is all about choice. We are fortunate to be able to choose IVF.
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I totally agree!
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Oh, man. I’m sorry about your Mom and sister. I can’t say I know how that one feels but my heart is aching for you. That said, I’m proud of you for making your decision about building a new dragon boat team and firing some of your former rowing team members! IVF and infertility is freaking hard. You need all of you to do this. Game on, girl!
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Dragon Boat team! You had me laughing with that one. I’m more of a canoer myself. 🙂 there’s enough room for a family of 4 in my canoe.
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That is all the room you need – boy girl boy girl. You are so all over this, my friend!
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🙂
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Ditto to what MLACS said! I am so sorry your family isn’t being supportive. That is just all kinds of wrong, but know your blogging family is always here and we are cheering you on all the way to the finish line hon. Sending you the biggest hug ever!
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Finish line… I’m really hoping it’s not far off! 🙂
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I really hope it’s not far off either!
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where is my paddle? I will try not to use it to smack the ones drilling the holes 😉
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Hey I’ll just pretend I didn’t notice…. Haha
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Wooooo! Good for you! For almost a year I went through treatments without the support of my mom. Then when I told her we were looking into adoption (now in year 3), she starts pushing IVF. I guess we can’t ever win. But do what you need to. Hopefully she’ll come around eventually. Hugs!
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Funny how that works eh? Hope the adoption process goes smoothly for you.
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Thanks!
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Such a good quote for life in general as well!! I am in your boat and am an expert paddler!! I’m so sorry you have to go through this without the support of your family. You are so strong and can get to the other side! Don’t let them bring you down!!
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Thanks for your support. I think spiritbabycomehome got it right. We are about to fill a dragon boat. I think I’d paddle the opposite way from a dragon boat filled with (in)fertile women! Haha
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I’m sorry your family isn’t supportive. I can’t imagine not supporting my sister or daughter, even if I didn’t completely agree with her choices.
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The crazy this is I’ve sent them the resources and explained what I need from. support. Some people just never come around.
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Good for you! It’s so important to chose who you want and who you don’t accompanying you along this journey.
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Well said and GREAT quote! I have yet to mention the IVF to my own mom because of her reaction to our IUI attempts. It was less than favorable. I can’t handle anyone poking holes in my boat so I just left her out of the loop for this new journey!
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Great call! Leave her on shore to start. Hope your IVF is a success 🙂
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Well, save me a dry spot on your boat lady!
Moms can be the worst- you know what mine said after I told her that I finally have a positive test? She told me not to get too excited yet. What a Debbie Downer. Urgh. Could she not have just said she was happy and excited for me for making it this far for once?
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Ya totally. I know I will have some apprehension, but the people around you are supposed to be your cheering squad.
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I’m so sorry they aren’t supporting you every step of this journey. You’re friend is right. Sometimes you have to weed out your garden to see the flowers more clearly
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Very true I love that analogy as well. 🙂
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Wow, I’m sorry to hear they’re not supportive, that is just a cherry on top of the already stressful situation, why can’t they recognize that? I’m glad you have this blog and people that do understand though 🙂
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Thank you. I’ve definitely found my support online through all of you amazing women (and a few men too!)
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