Rocking the boat to uncover my support system

As much as I am excited about our upcoming IVF journey, the past few days have not been exactly joyous. For quite a while now, I’ve felt like my parents have not been very supportive. When I talk to my Mom about our treatments, I might as well be talking to a wall.

After our consult on Tuesday, I got in a big fight with my Mom. The next morning my sister informed me that my Mom and her don’t agree with our decision to pursue IVF right now. Their rationale is bogus, uneducated, disrespectful and just plain ignorant.

But, it still hurt.

They haven’t been here to see what we’ve gone through over the past two years, nor have they truly listened when I’ve tried to share.

Why is it when we make one of the biggest decisions of our life – one that could bring us the most happiness- they attempt to sabotage it and derail our plans?

I guess some people just don’t like to see other people succeed.

I’ve often been the rock of the family. I provide support to everyone else when they need it. This time: no one’s around for me.

Today, a friend sent me the following quote:

image

That’s my plan! I’m putting myself first and foremost for the next two months.

My happiness.

My health.

My sanity.

If that means kicking a few people out of my boat, then that’s what will happen.

I’m limiting my conversations about (in)fertility with the fertiles. They just twist my words around and don’t understand nor should I expect them to. 

I’ve realized my fertility friends – online and offline – are and will be the only ones who truly “get it”.

I’m forever grateful for the (in)fertility community.

THANK YOU, all of you (and you know who you are) for being my rock, my shoulder, my confident, my listening ears, and my support on this journey.

 

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40 thoughts on “Rocking the boat to uncover my support system

  1. Good for you! My mother in law doesn’t agree with IVF so we just didn’t tell her. I did the same thing, gravitate toward the people who understand and support. Anything you need, I will be more than happy to lend a hand.

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  2. Love the quote! And as if infertility isnt hard enough – it does bring into glaring focus those who are in your world without paddles in hand. Glad you are putting yourself first and honored to be sharing your IVF journey.

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  3. I have also decided to limit my dislosures to my fertile friends. Because they haven’t lived it they can’t fully understand. It’s too complicated a topic emotionally, physically, financially, scientifically for people who haven’t been there to grasp. Even when people want to understand it is still hard. So sorry you are unsupported by your family. I wish there was a magic phrase you could say to get the. On board but you do have this community and we are here for you! Hugs.

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  4. I totally get this!!! We have decided if there is one time to be selfish in life, now is the time. We need to get through this and want only supportive people in our lives. If people are unsupprotive they are out, and this has happened (which is another comment for another day as it was and is very hard to accept the end of friendships, but were they really friends when they chose not to be there for us when we needed them most?). Anyways, I absolutely respect the concept of putting yourselves first.

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  5. I loathe the misunderstanding and misinformation that is often linked to IVF or an IF treatment. Seriously, legitimate information is available and quite honestly, if one is not right in the middle of such treatments, they have no right to pass judgement. I am so sorry your mom and sister have to take this position. But know we are all rooting for you, all ready to paddle away. Thinking of you, honey.

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  6. I hate that for you but you’ll find out people’s feelings very quickly! I had a great friend tell me that perhaps my body wasn’t getting pregnant for a reason- like I’d probably end up having a baby with something wrong with it. People can be rude and heartless. Just know where your support is and ignore the rest!

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  7. Oh, man. I’m sorry about your Mom and sister. I can’t say I know how that one feels but my heart is aching for you. That said, I’m proud of you for making your decision about building a new dragon boat team and firing some of your former rowing team members! IVF and infertility is freaking hard. You need all of you to do this. Game on, girl!

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  8. Ditto to what MLACS said! I am so sorry your family isn’t being supportive. That is just all kinds of wrong, but know your blogging family is always here and we are cheering you on all the way to the finish line hon. Sending you the biggest hug ever!

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  9. Wooooo! Good for you! For almost a year I went through treatments without the support of my mom. Then when I told her we were looking into adoption (now in year 3), she starts pushing IVF. I guess we can’t ever win. But do what you need to. Hopefully she’ll come around eventually. Hugs!

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  10. Such a good quote for life in general as well!! I am in your boat and am an expert paddler!! I’m so sorry you have to go through this without the support of your family. You are so strong and can get to the other side! Don’t let them bring you down!!

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    • Thanks for your support. I think spiritbabycomehome got it right. We are about to fill a dragon boat. I think I’d paddle the opposite way from a dragon boat filled with (in)fertile women! Haha

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  11. Well said and GREAT quote! I have yet to mention the IVF to my own mom because of her reaction to our IUI attempts. It was less than favorable. I can’t handle anyone poking holes in my boat so I just left her out of the loop for this new journey!

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  12. Well, save me a dry spot on your boat lady!

    Moms can be the worst- you know what mine said after I told her that I finally have a positive test? She told me not to get too excited yet. What a Debbie Downer. Urgh. Could she not have just said she was happy and excited for me for making it this far for once?

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  13. Wow, I’m sorry to hear they’re not supportive, that is just a cherry on top of the already stressful situation, why can’t they recognize that? I’m glad you have this blog and people that do understand though 🙂

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