A poem: the (in)fertile mind

With our IVF consult quickly approaching, some (in)fertile anxiety surfaced within me today.

I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from my writing lately. I have so many ideas swirling in my head, but I have yet to get them down in words. Since starting is always half the battle, I took some time to use my words to release some of that pent-up FEAR and frustration.

I’m not much of a poet… but he’s my first attempt at an (in)fertility poem.

The (in)fertile mind

 

Infertility doesn’t define me.

But, oh how it does!

From every pill to every shot ,

To all the appointment dates

that dominate my calendar.

I premeditate responses to questions like,

“When will you start trying?” or

“How come you don’t have kids yet?”.

Damn you all.

It’s not for lack of trying.

Try, try, TRY…

That’s all we infertiles do.

Try to forget.

Try to forgive.

Try to take a break.

Try to continue.

Try not to succumb to the emotional havoc.

Our souls are broken, bruised and tormented.

We know our destiny is divine.

But when, oh when, will it be our time?

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9 thoughts on “A poem: the (in)fertile mind

  1. Can totally relate. So well said. I just had my IVF consult last night. We just had IUI#5 on Monday, but there were a few factors that indicate it would be a long-shot if it worked. So, we decided to get ready for IVF so we can be ready for the next cycle. A little overwhelming, I have to admit, but I’m glad to be bringing out the big guns.

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      • It was good. What shocked me most is that we can actually start next cycle. I thought for sure we’d have to wait a few months, I’d have to be on meds…but he said if this IUI didn’t work, I’m good to go for next cycle. It just happened really fast! I talked with him about my concerns (mostly – not want to have left over embryos) and everything seemed good. Let me know how yours goes!

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  2. I so relate to that. I try not to let it dominate but that is the point of trying to do anything, isn’t it – in a sense – you put time, energy and money towards a goal and you push and push and push and bam- before you know it all your energy is there 😦
    Loved this poem.

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