Doing things my way

CD 4. Natural cycle.

Being the rebel that I am, I stopped my progesterone on Thursday, skipped my Beta on Friday and good ol’ Aunt Flo made her roaring appearance on Saturday.

Ain’t nothing like sitting in a meditation course all afternoon cursing your period cramps and the fact that you didn’t bring anything with you to provide some relief.

Emotionally, I’m doing alright. No major breakdowns since this last cycle declared itself officially negative.

The hardest part has been reflecting on our time line. When I first joined the (in) fertile club, I saw myself as one of the lucky ones who would only ever have to update her signature to read: IUI #1, BFP!!!!

4 medicated cycles including 3 IUIs later,  we are clearly not on the easy route.

I’m sick of friends and family asking if the cycle was a success,  only to get no response back from them when I say it was negative. Don’t bother asking if you can’t manage to spit out any sort of supportive reply.

My ball team gave me exactly what I was looking for. I posted in our group chat app that I would be at the game and looking forward to beers after (meaning clearly not prego). We played an amazing game,  went for a beer and no one asked me anything about it. They knew it was negative,  but they also knew that I would bring it up if I wanted to discuss it. Everyone else needs to catch a hint.

I called in my cycle start on Monday and left a message stating we would be taking a break this cycle. And they never called me back. Not really surprised.

I thought I would be anxious to get the paperwork done for our IVF consult with the other clinic,  but I’m totally avoiding it. And the fact that I need to get our records transfered… Awkward. I still have a few weeks to get it done though. 

Other than that,  I just feel like staying away from all things baby for a while.

If you don’t hear from me much,  please know that I’m trying to spend less time online and more time outdoors.

Sunshine feeds the soul. And right now,  my aching heart could use some warmth.

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6 thoughts on “Doing things my way

  1. Agreed! I feel the need to be in the sunshine as much as possible! Your teammates are cool–it sucks to have to tell people who ask about a cycle “nope” and then get the “awwww, that sucks” response. Rhetorical. It’s a pleasure to be able to skip the pity party. XOXO

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