I ain’t playing around. I know I’m not showing much hope, but give me a break here. After 22 months, 4 medicated cycles and 3 IUIs, I know my body well enough to know when it’s another negative cycle.
I will still go for my Beta though.
Although, I’m not sure whether it’s to appease that small glimmer of hope deep in my heart or to just stick it up my clinic’s statistical ass that they failed, yet again.
I have a friend at my clinic who just didn’t go for 2 of her IUI Betas. I thought she was brave to rebel against the process. She figured why bother? She had already gotten her period anyway. Can’t blame her. Us (in)fertiles get poked and proded enough!
Turns out, she must not be the only one as the nurses never got mad at her. She is also now happily pregnant after her 1st IVF. 🙂
As for which crossroad I’ve chosen: it’s break time.
I’m sick of:
- Being overly emotional
- Having my life revolve around medication and appointment schedules in 2 week increments (pre-ovulation or post-ovulation)
- The extra poundage I’ve put on since I began fertility meds (only about 10 lbs, but that’s enough!)
- Not being able to enjoy my life because I feel like crap
- Avoiding the things I love to do because of the “what ifs”
- The grief from failed cycle after failed cycle
Our IVF consult is scheduled for July 8th. I have to complete our extensive medical questionnaire and get our records transferred from our current clinic. I want to have the paperwork done within the next 2 weeks.
And then, it’s time to enjoy being me without the worries and stress of fertility treatments.
I’m going to:
- Be present-minded as much as possible
- Curb my eating habits – healthy here we come!
- Start working out – weights, biking, walking, running, yoga, softball. My ankle injury last fall combined with months of fertility treatment really set me back. I want to feel amazing in my body again.
- Enjoy the sun, the summer and patio beers
- Trust – that this break will be good for my mind, body and soul
I’m stepping out of the world (in)fertile madness and getting reacquainted with myself.
Welcome back, Lindsey.
Free your mind, free your body, free you spirit.
Good things are to come.