The chosen path is time for a break

13 DPIUI.

BFN. 

I ain’t playing around. I know I’m not showing much hope, but give me a break here. After 22 months, 4 medicated cycles and 3 IUIs, I know my body well enough to know when it’s another negative cycle.

I will still go for my Beta though.

Although, I’m not sure whether it’s to appease that small glimmer of hope deep in my heart or to just stick it up my clinic’s statistical ass that they failed, yet again. 

I have a friend at my clinic who just didn’t go for 2 of her IUI Betas. I thought she was brave to rebel against the process. She figured why bother? She had already gotten her period anyway. Can’t blame her. Us (in)fertiles get poked and proded enough!

Turns out, she must not be the only one as the nurses never got mad at her. She is also now happily pregnant after her 1st IVF. 🙂

As for which crossroad I’ve chosen: it’s break time. 

I’m sick of:

  • Being overly emotional
  • Having my life revolve around medication and appointment schedules in 2 week increments (pre-ovulation or post-ovulation)
  • The extra poundage I’ve put on since I began fertility meds (only about 10 lbs, but that’s enough!)
  • Not being able to enjoy my life because I feel like crap
  • Avoiding the things I love to do because of the “what ifs”
  • The grief from failed cycle after failed cycle

Our IVF consult is scheduled for July 8th. I have to complete our extensive medical questionnaire and get our records transferred from our current clinic. I want to have the paperwork done within the next 2 weeks.

And then, it’s time to enjoy being me without the worries and stress of fertility treatments.

I’m going to:

  • Be present-minded as much as possible
  • Curb my eating habits – healthy here we come!
  • Start working out – weights, biking, walking, running, yoga, softball. My ankle injury last fall combined with months of fertility treatment really set me back. I want to feel amazing in my body again.
  • Enjoy the sun, the summer and patio beers
  • Trust – that this break will be good for my mind, body and soul

I’m stepping out of the world (in)fertile madness and getting reacquainted with myself.

Welcome back, Lindsey. 

Free your mind, free your body, free you spirit.

Trust.

Good things are to come. 

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14 thoughts on “The chosen path is time for a break

  1. I hope you have a fabulous break and enjoy yourself! ❤ I'm glad you are paying attention to your body, mind, and spirit, and doing what you need to do for yourself.

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  2. Oh, sweetheart, you deserve a break. It doesn’t matter what I think but if it did I’d share with you that I think you’ve made the right choice for you (just a feeling I had and your post today confirms it). Are they having you do new CD3 tests? If so, were I you, I might wait until the next cycle, after no meds. Mine were a bit wacky after medicated and miscarriage cycles, always more credible after ‘break’ cycles. But perhaps your wanting to get this over and done with deserves greater priority? They can always get you to redo them later.

    I’ve never skipped betas but I have stopped P4 supplements before I got the results because I knew damned well what they would be. But that’s because I used to be with a clinic in which if you didn’t take the Fail phone call, you didn’t get a WTF call with your RE for over a month (and sometimes even if you took the call – so glad I’m not there anymore, our new RE answers my emails personally within <12 hours and that's including sleep time). I think your new clinic will be really good for you – I know several pals who have done well there.

    Wishing you a happy patio beer filled late May and June in the meantime!

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  3. Sorry about the BFNs. But, I think you make a great choice! We did 6 or 7 Femara/TI cycles and just 1 IUI before taking a break, then moving on to IVF. I still hoped for a miracle BFP in those months before IVF, but it was nice not to have to worry about appointments and medications.

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  4. I hope this break proves to be just what you guys need. For me, once I finally made the decision to take a break it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Sure, I’m still a little sad that it means we won’t have a baby until June 2015 at the earliest, but I NEEDED it…..and it sounds like you do too. The weight gain is tough. I’ve really put my diet & exercise plan into overdrive this week….and I hope I can keep it up. It feels good being able to control SOMETHING in my life, b/c my fertility is not something I can control, clearly.

    I’m really sorry this wasn’t the one for you guys, I know the pain and disappointment you’re feeling. Thinking of you!!

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  5. I’m sorry to hear about another BFN, but you are doing the right thing (in my opinion) by taking a break. I’m on birth control right now, that’s how much of a break I wanted. I didn’t want to even have the thought in the back of my head that I might be pregnant each month (since without birth control it would be a possiblity, of course). I am still somewhat stressed over IF, but mostly our upcoming IVF, not what’s going on with my body right now. Where are you going to have to do IVF? This break will do you good. I know after our failed IUI when I stopped taking supplements (I’m back on them now to prep for IVF but just got sick of them and quit for a couple months), and put myself on birth control a whole weight was lifted. Strength and peace to you!

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  6. I’m so sorry for the bfn hon, but I love your plan to take a break. It’s so easy to forget ourselves in the midst of all this. Hope you start to feel like your old self again very soon. Here’s to rejuvenation and a fresh start at the new clinic! Hugs!

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  7. This is a wonderful plan, honey, it really is. Recharge, reset, and then go from there. And drink all of the beers too 😉 Taking control back from this is exactly the perfect decision. Hugs, lady!

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  8. Sorry girly. I’m proud of you for taking the time you need before the next step. I know it’s hard either way but I think you’ll be glad that you took some time. I hope you guys do some fun things and enjoy yourself during this break!

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